WWYD? Torn between my family and my patients..

[ZigZagInToChristmas]

I am a healthcare professional and thanks to Covid and the necessary redeployments my department are very short staffed with immediate effect, and when a colleague leaves in a few weeks time we will be hugely short staffed. There is absolutely no way that we will be able to keep up with the telephone consultations, let alone the minimal number of face to face appointments. I am sure we will be cancelling telephone consultations for many of our patients, all of whom have long term conditions..

Both my DC are in primary school and DH works full time from home. Pre-Covid I worked around 18 hours a week but during the first wave I was redeployed and voluntarily worked full time. The extra money was very welcome so when I returned to my usual role I took on some extra hours and now work 28 hours a week, partly enabled by DH working from home and so around for the school runs. Two days in the hospital and one day WFH but that will be changing to three days in the hospital as we are so short staffed now. However, my youngest DC asks every single evening if I will be home the following day and he gets quite upset about me working longer hours. The mornings I'm not there are rushed and stressful. The afternoons I'm not there consist of hours of screen time as DH has a demanding job and DC2 is a wonderful but demanding person.

With staff shortages occurring with immediate effect I am in a dilemma. Do I further increase my working hours to full time so as to increase how many patients we can care for? It will be a drop in the ocean as we have 100s of patients but it will make the world of difference to those few extras that I can assess and treat. But...I feel that my DC need me at home. I firmly believe that they benefit from having a calmer start to their day and someone to play with them, help direct play if necessary, help with homework, just be there, etc after school.

This post isn't meant for debate about the Tories/NHS cuts/how those with any condition other than Covid are massively losing out. I would just really appreciate hearing what others would do in my situation?

Personally, I would put my family first.

What does your DH think?

Thanks for the honest answer @Bath789

@feathermucker My DH is just as torn as I am.

We are in this for the long haul.

You need a balance, as do your family so you don’t burn out.
I’d choose family.

Can you get a home help for some of the time you work, to supervise/play with kids, do light tidying etc? I'd be looking for local help, there are so many people out of work.

Why are the mornings you’re not there rushed and stressful for your DC?

I’d put my family first. But I’d also offer to work, say, 9-3 on the days dc were in school as extra (or 9.30-2.30, whatever) as that 5 or 6 hours could benefit patients without detriment to your dc (I’m a nurse and realise this may not work depending on role though!)

I wouldn't increase your hours anymore. You need a balance of home and family.

Have you tried having some extra at home to help, fir example a nanny maybe for the extra days so that the D.C. get attention and you get some extra help at home. It might free you up to work and mean you can spend more time with your Dc when not working.

I'm in a similar situation. Not a nurse, but lab staff so with all the urgent testing we're helping out the virology lab by doing testing for them. I'm on more hours a week than you, but not full time, and have only 1 DS. I could offer to work full time, but I've decided not to as it helps DH work from home if I'm around to look after DS. now that nursery is closed.

Thank you for the replies. Seeing such a strong preference for putting my family first actually feels reassuring. I was feeling huge guilt over this but feel that a little of it has lifted.
@Howmanysleepsnow thank you for the suggestion of working the extra couple of days during school hours. I have a 2+ hour round commute with very little time left to work so I don't feel inclined to offer that. You have given me the idea though of offering to WFH during school hours on those days. That will give an extra 12 hours to carry out telephone consultations which should make a small difference but doesn't impact too much on my family. Thank you so much!

Don't feel guilty OP. Remember that you 28 hours a week permanently it's much better than you 40+ hours a week now until you burn out and they lose you completely.

Yes I'd offer to do phone consults from home school hours only. Potentially best of both worlds?

OP I’m a nurse practitioner in a specialist service and our team keeps finding itself in redeployment/track and trace/childcare situations. If you were in my team and offering extra hours from home around school hours I would be biting your hand off so def worth exploring! The other thing some of our team have done if longer working days when they are in (3 long days instead of 5 ‘working hours’ days so less people in the office at the same time) and this has actually helped as people are working more without having to commute more etc might this be an option too if Your husband can manage at home on the days you are out anyway? Ultimately it’s family first.

Family first. Definitely

I do hope you can get that compromise and work from home a bit too. I’ve been wishing I had healthcare qualifications to do something to help while there is so much pressure on services and am so grateful to all of you who are so invaluable , and balancing family life too. It’s amazing.

Family first.

I would go full time, but then I work in emergency medicine and am currently doing a 50 hour week.

Hopefully it won't be forever

Family first, but if there are any extra hours that you can do from home that would be a great compromise.

We find ourself in a strange situation atm. DH was made redundant in the summer and since having dc, I’ve always worked 0.5 around school hours. Because of covid there were extra hours available at work to make me 1.0wte which has been great while DH has been at home. Now he’s got a new job which he’s agreed to start full time, out of the home from next week (that’s a whole new thread). I’m now in the position of dc likely being at home all week by themselves, or having to get themselves to and from school, and be home by themselves for a couple of hours, which is exactly the position that I’d hoped to avoid throughout their school careers. The presence of a calm an organised before and after school routine is priceless imo.

Put your family first. I have felt incredibly guilty during this pandemic because I resigned from my role in ITU (data rather than practice, although ICU trained) and finished my notice period in January 2020, just before the pandemic hit. But my reasons for resigning were due to caring responsibilities, which have increased, rather than decreased, this year.

Because I resigned, I took the pressure off my DF to look after my kids before school, and I can visit him and DM daily, which is vital for their mental health (DM is disabled due to a mental health crisis a few years ago).

Because I resigned, I was able to agree to transport DD1 to special school, when the Council appealed for assistance, and I'm able to drive DDs 2&3 to secondary school, reducing the crowding on the buses.

So, you may feel guilty, but you have to balance all your responsibilities and your own well-being.

I feel sad that I'll lose my registration in September. I have enough practice hours, but I don't work so it would be hard to find someone to have a professional conversation with to fulfill the criteria. But life happens.

Personally I think your children will be perfectly fine with you working, and should respect it. My mum did when I was young, I know I was upset some times about her leaving but she explained it in an age appropriate way and it’s a core reason why I have always respected her all my life. But TBH I’m someone who is pretty significantly anti the whole SAHM thing—I’d rather have children that see less of me but respect me more.