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Original poster

My partner is inviting himself around tonight

32 replies

MerinoFroggie · 31/12/2020 15:08

Me and my partner, we don't live together so 2020 has been a particularly bad time. We didn't have any rows as such. The lockdown and household restrictions has definitely put a slight wedge between us. I am interested in following the guidelines as much as possible and him, not so much. Even though he would be in a vulnerable category but he doesn't want to own up to that. He has neglected his health slightly and I wouldn't be surprised if there are health conditions brewing in him. He's never able to sleep through any night with a need to wake in the middle of the night for a wee. There's definitely something there and undiagnosed. Maybe sleep apnea or diabetes. Both them conditions run in his family too.

He was laid off earlier in the yesr from his job in a bar. Then he got a new job in a bar at the start of December and now the bars are shut again. His last day of work was last week on Christmas eve. I really think he should be restricting his movements or close contacts as much as possible until a full 14 days has passed. Just in case he was exposed to the virus in his work place.

He's inviting himself around for tonight and I am not too happy about it. I never asked him to come and visit me, he said he would like to see me for new years and it's a lovely idea but given the circumstances it's not a good idea. Just in case he is infectious or just in case I am infectious with the virus and we don't know it yet.

I am actually stuck in work too until evening time and tonight just doesn't suit. I have a day off tomorrow and tomorrow would be better. We could meet up for a walk or a take away dinner. If the full 14 days pass from the end of his job, I wouldn't have a problem with him visiting.

Also he is not following the guidelines as much as he should be. He met up with several different households over the Christmas but its all within the same circle of his family. I think given the pandemic and the number of meetings they have, there will come a time when one or the others of them will be infectious with the virus.

I am not happy with him inviting himself around. If I was free from work today, we could meet for a walk but I am not free.

OP posts:
SabrinaTheMiddleAgedBitch · 31/12/2020 15:11

So tell him no?

pickingdaisies · 31/12/2020 15:12

So tell him?
Sorry not tonight, I'm working late, how about tomorrow?
I mean, how hard is it? And if the answer is, very hard, then you need to get rid.

Goingtogetflamed · 31/12/2020 15:14

What @pickingdaisies said. If it’s hard then that’s a huge red flag.

Original poster
MerinoFroggie · 31/12/2020 15:23

I did tell him. I said I don't know what time I will be finished but it will probably be late, maybe 7 or 8 and he is still inviting himself around. I told him it doesn't suit but he is still inviting himself around.

OP posts:
UghNotThisAgain36 · 31/12/2020 15:24

Say no? Use your words and put in a boundary. Don't let him in if he rocks up. If he won't take no for an answer then you have bigger issues.

SabrinaTheMiddleAgedBitch · 31/12/2020 15:24

Then what @pickingdaisies said. Seriously

thepeopleversuswork · 31/12/2020 15:27

You haven’t actually said no yet though. You are making vague excuses that make it look harder but he is not getting the message so tell him no unequivocally and tell him why.

As others have said if he doesn’t respect this you have much bigger problems.

PerveenMistry · 31/12/2020 15:28

Lock your door.

yankeedoodledandee · 31/12/2020 15:28

@MerinoFroggie

I did tell him. I said I don't know what time I will be finished but it will probably be late, maybe 7 or 8 and he is still inviting himself around. I told him it doesn't suit but he is still inviting himself around.

Don't be wishy washy - just tell him no.

Tbh it doesn't sound much like you want to be in this relationship anyway. Tell him that too.

WildfirePonie · 31/12/2020 15:29

Does he have a key?

squashyhat · 31/12/2020 15:35

Come on OP. If he loves you he should respect your wishes, particularly as they are based on sound reasons. If he won't do that then I would seriously question the relationship. Just lock the door.

HibernatingTill2030 · 31/12/2020 15:37

"No. Not tonight. I want to be alone"
That's clear and if he tries to argue, it's a red flag.

midnightstar66 · 31/12/2020 15:39

What? Just say no you're not to come! Also waking in the night for wee does not equal diabetes. I know plenty folk who wake in the night for a wee. It's not unusual especially as you get older.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/12/2020 15:40

Boundaries. Have some. The women of MN are backing you up!

Lockdownlife245 · 31/12/2020 15:41

Sorry no not tonight because I’m tired/not comfortable to see you with high infection rates and you working in a bar recently/I just don’t want to see you tonight.

AfterSchoolWorry · 31/12/2020 15:43

Say 'don't come, I won't be seeing anyone/answering the door'.

I'd he still tries to come just don't answer the door!

Sittinginmyoodie · 31/12/2020 15:44

What you have said is not No though is it. Its ambiguous and unclear.

I do not want you to come around tonight
I want to be on my own tonight
Please don't come over tonight

Are all much better ways of putting it. Of course followed by, but I would love to go for a walk with you tomorrow.

Have some self respect and some boundaries in your relationship. I think you need to consider long term if this is the relationship for you.

thosetalesofunexpected · 31/12/2020 15:45

Hi Op
Just a thought,
Have you got a back garden or front garden?you can still socially distance an wear a face mask then?
Or you could in your Area
,
you and your boyfriend Wear face masks, and just walk around for a short while,
looking at some of the fire works.

Have a bottle of to open up on bench to celebrate new year.!
You could locally, even both just find a bench somewhere to sit,and social distance ,wear face masks.
.
Obviously wrap really warm

Best wishes for new year xDaffodil

1forAll74 · 31/12/2020 15:46

Just say no, and flatly refuse to be taken over by him. Or is he going to be banging on your door causing problems.

Fedup21 · 31/12/2020 15:47

Do you normally have problems saying no to people?

This is a really easily solved problem!!

ScrapThatThen · 31/12/2020 15:47

The thing is, your attitudes are not compatible. So it's OK for him to want to spend NYE with his lover, and OK for you to expect him to be guideline compliant. But you have to draw a line if you are incompatible. (Is it that your suggested meet up tomorrow would be more covid safe, or that it would be more convenient for you - either is OK, but second doesn't suggest that you are that keen)

SleepingStandingUp · 31/12/2020 15:48

Tell him "no, I don't want to see you tonight, I will see you tomorrow of you are free".

Stop with the vague "oh well I'm not sure..." and tell him no.

BrowncoatWaffles · 31/12/2020 15:50

Say no properly. Not in a wishy washy way where he's supposed to guess what you're saying. Just say no.

BeanieB2020 · 31/12/2020 15:51

Do you want to be in a relationship with him still? It sounds like there's bigger issues than him inviting himself over, since that wouldn't usually be an issue in a relationship where you actually want to be with a person (covid or not.) It sounds like you don't want to see him and you're using covid as the excuse, to be honest.

Beautiful3 · 31/12/2020 15:52

Just tell him, not tonight, see you tomorrow. If he does not listen, then there is something wrong with him.

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