DH and I feel very differently about CV

[newlabelwriter]

We’ve been in tier 4 for a while now and in a part of the country and DC have had to be off school to isolate for much of last term. Christmas has felt really flat and like many others I wasn’t able to see family.

During this time it’s become really apparent that DH and I are really differing in how we are approaching things during the pandemic and not sure how to go on with things as feeling so down. I feel so genuinely saddened by DC loss of education and freedom and am really struggling not seeing friends and family whereas he is seems to have no problem with idea of us being in lockdown for the foreseeable. As I said earlier my Df was meant to be coming for Christmas and this ended up having to be cancelled, my DF lives miles away alone after losing my mum last year whereas DHs mum lives really near all his family and has largely been able to carry on as normal. Also he doesn’t really like taking the kids out as parks etc are busy where I live so if I don’t do it then they’re just in all day so I end up taking them out for dreary, moany walks and never get anytime to myself.

I’m making him sound like a selfish twat and he’s not, he does lots round the house and more than does his bit with DC when we’re indoors but he just doesn’t seem to understand why I’m finding this all so hard mentally whilst he’s happy to keep going like this indefinitely.

it's good that both of you aren't very upset & unhappy about the covid situation. 2 unhappy adults would have no positives to it.

Could you get him to routinely (say each of every weekend day) take the kids out for a few hours; ask him to schedule it in as a regular thing. A lot of people only get stuff done if it's routine.

Leave the kids at home with him and get yourself out for a walk alone.

I think you will feel better. And call me cynical, but he might come around to the idea of getting out more too. If your kids are like mine, they're climbing the walls if they don't get out.

I think you both need to compromise in a healthy relationship, but in particular he does here.

He seems like an introvert and has his own comforts about being locked down yes, but at the same time if it impacts his children’s mental health by staying at home for days on end, he needs to buck up and just take them out. Not for his sake, but for their sake.

Even in central London, there’s quieter times to go out for exercise

I think it’s good he is positive. It off sets your negativity, particularly as there are kids involved.

I have a friend like you. Her husband acts up beat. Although he doesn’t feel it, as does everyone who knows her when communicating with her. Otherwise she would spiral down even further. So we act positive for her sake.

The two of you being negative would be a very miserable house. If you want time to yourself then pop out on your own.

Thanks for replying. It’s just hard when I feel we’re on very different pages about the lockdown and how we’re coping. I suppose on the plus side our garden has never looked as good as that’s what he’s constantly doing 🙄

Can you not form a bubble with your dad, or see him under the needing care banner ?
I see mine outside when it’s not raining as I need to for his MH.

@FippertyGibbett

Can you not form a bubble with your dad, or see him under the needing care banner ? I see mine outside when it’s not raining as I need to for his MH.

My dad is 200 miles away so that wouldn’t work. Also he’s not keen on coming to tier 4 as where he lives infection rates are v low.