Homeschooling with depression?

[FightingWithTheWind]

Primary schools in my area won't be going back on the 4th, and while I do understand the reasoning behind that I am not coping well at all. I genuinley don't know how I am going to cope with homeschooling my 5 year old, entertaining my 18 month old, keeping the house clean and the meals cooked everyday when I am frankly struggling to get even the most basic of tasks done. I am failing my children, I know I'm not doing everything I should be doing and I hate myself for it. The only access to the internet we have is a laptop and a tablet, neither of which work very well at all and are prettt useless when it comes to online learning - I haven't had any sucess getting onto the schools online resources at all so far, and even if I could get onto them any attempt at doing homework together ends in alot of frustration from both of us because my daughter loses all interest and refuses to focus (her teachers have said she does this in class too). So my daughter will be having no education, no social interaction and her behaviour will continue to deteriorate because she is so bored. She has so much energy, and needa a hell of a lot of attention that I can't give because I also have an 18 month old who is still breastfeeding like a newborn and teething and the flat is never clean. We live in a tiny 2 bedroom flat so I can't even send her into the garden to burn off some energy. I am already at breaking point, I've told everyone I can in real life that I am suicidal and not coping but nobody cares, my mum today told me she didn't get it and didn't know what to say and then hung up the phone, my partner said absolutley nothing and pretended not to hear me. I don't know what to do. I can't change the fact that primary schools are closed, I can't change the fact that nobody cares/believes me when I say I'm not coping. This has turned into a long rant sorry, but I feel completley broken and lost, I never should have had children - I love them so much and can't imagine my life without them but they deserve so much better than me. Has anybody got any suggestions on how to make this any easier?

I breast-fed extended, can you first of all use this time to try and wean 18 month old a little.
That gives you more time not feeding (I breast fed two kids one after the other bit of overlap for 5 years by 18 months you can give all they need not with breast milk).

Take them out, wrapped up, let 5 yr old run around, come home, at a table strap 18 month old into a high chair, get 5 yr old set up with paper laptop pens etc. You chop dinner items all together.

Forget about housework.

Don't stress too much about schooling.

Happy mum is much more important.

Try and tackle house in 20 minutes bursts.

Get their dad to take them to park for an hour so you can have a break.

Darling they are fed and have a roof over the head u are doing well! But!! To keep yourself sane and your children occupied between 9-3.
9-10 free play (not with a tablet) Dolls, Lego etc
10-11 snack and alphablocks(tablet)
12/12:30 lunch
12:45-1:45 OUTSIDE (walks or garden you cannot be in the house for the full hour whatever the weather)
1:45-2:00 handwriting
2:00-2:30 learning game and story time
2:30 onwards today the chaos and mess from the day and get dinner sorted and spend time with baby while big one can occupy themselves from 2:30 onwards

It will get boring and we all want to pull our hair out but it’s ok to feel crap right now and tht we are letting our children down but we are not!!! It’s a pandemic everyone is doing as much as they can. U just being their mum is ENOUGH!! ❤️

Oh I missed 11-12! Crafts!

Don’t worry about the school work, honestly I did hardly anything with dd2 for 6 months during the last lockdown, she has ASD and would not do any homework (works for school, plays for home), the school were understanding and told me just to do what I needed to keep dd happy and me sane. We did things like baking, craft and gardening instead of the set school work and we had days where we just watched tv all day. As long as they are happy and fed then there’s no need to stress over the rest. Just do what you can.

Prioritise what keeps you well and ok. If that’s forgetting about the home work so be it. Right now it’s about coping and taking it a day at a time. That’s all, the rest can wait till you feel better.

Can you phone your health visitor or GP about the suicidal feelings? I’ve been there, and it passes, and you can and will get past this, but you might need extra help.

Forget the homeschooling, she's really not going to miss much and there will be others in the same boat. Think of yourself in survival mode; do what needs to be done to keep you all ticking over. Encourage your dd to read 15 minutes a day and if you can watch a documentary or something educational daily.

You will be able to do it. I've had 3 active boys last lock down and the baby was breast feeding. It's all about looking at what you CAN do with what you've got. For me breaking the day down in my mind helps. Rather than thinking about how you will get through the whole day break it down into what you can do in one hour. It's 3 sets of 20 mins. First 20 mins you can sit on the carpet and play with some toys with your dd, 2nd 20 mins could be snack time for the baby or breastfeeding. If your dd is playing let her continue or if she wants to be with you you can read a book at the same time as feeding. 3rd 20 mins give them 20 mins screen time. Maybe something educational for your dd like alphablocks or something she likes and for your 18month old something like Mr tumble or whatever he'll warch. Use this time as your own chill time or to get a little bit of cleaning done in the kitchen or meal prep. Use the clock to help you know how long to spend on things. So there you have got through one hour. Next hour comes you can do 30 minutes walk around the block with baby in buggy and your daughter walking or on a scooter. Come home- again you can let them watch tv or let the baby sleep. You have 30 mins then to chip away at the house work.. I go like this with my 3 boys all through the day. Remember this won't be forever. I also watch YouTube videos of stay at home mum routines for ideas. It doesn't matter if they have a fancy home or more facilities - just take what you can from it.
Also - write a list of activities you could do with the kids on paper. It can be very simple like colouring or dancing to some music. Yes you might not feel like it but you can time yourself for 10 minutes each time. Every little thing adds up. On another paper write out your to do list. Chip away at this list all through the day and tick it off as you go. If you are looking for someone to help maybe your mum could Skype with your daughter once a day so you don't feel isolated and she can occupy her a bit. I know it's hard but you can do this and you owe it to your kids to try.

don’t forget - many countries don’t begin schooling til 7. She will be fine. As long as she has you. Your priority needs to be finding something that works for you. Everything else is an added bonus.

In some European countries children haven't even started school till the age of 6/7, so don't worry about "home-schooling". Read her lots of stories, count up to 10/20/50/100 in everyday life situations, let her draw lots of pictures and write her name/short sentences on them to give to people... that'll do fine.

I would try to get out of the house in the morning, for an hour if possible. Walk to a shop, promise DD a small (healthy if possible) treat - grapes, blueberries etc. Check out ALL your local parks/greens/playgrounds in turn. Meet up with a friend where possible - children under 5 don't count.

Go home, make lunch, if the baby could nap after that would be fab as you might manage 20 mins of workbooks or something if you really wanted to; otherwise read her more books, have special one-on-one time, do crafts.

Use screens for the witching hour (before dinner and bedtime routine) if you need, without feeling guilty about it.

It is tough. You will get through it though, and your DD will be fine. Hugs

There are places for key worker children and vulnerable children.
If you’re really struggling could you ask school for a place?
Many parents don’t take them up so they might be happy to help.

Lower your standards around home schooling, the house being clean or cooking complex meals.
Get out of the house as much as possible, buy the warm clothing you’ll all need to be out a lot.
Buy school books rather than follow what the school sets if it starts to get on top of you.

Talk to the school and see if given your circumstances they can give her a place. I'm sure they will.

Thank you for all the suggestions, I have spoken to my GP, I am on a waiting list for DBT and I am on anti-depressants, I am supposed to have a crisis team but I haven't actually heard anything since March. I will try and phone my GP tomorrow and see if they can help with that.