Why is it so hard for my DH to stay at home?

[curlyrebel]

My DH has left me on Christmas Day eve to go to visit his mate. I asked, how do you know he's ok and he was like I don't but still went anyway. We're in tier 4. He knows it's highly infectious now but he can't stop himself from going out.

Pre-Covid he would go out a lot and the last few months has curbed him (mainly because clubs/pubs have barely been open) but he has still gone to see mates and invited them to ours even when it's not been allowed. I despair of him and hate his disregard for rules despite the reasons behind them. We have two small kids and he is putting us all at risk by going to see different friends.

Not sure what I'm looking for in responses really as I feel powerless to change him. Is anyone else going through similar with their other half?

You’re confusing ‘can’t’ and ‘won’t’

I'd lock him out and never let him back in.

@MRex

Your issue sounds more like you're married to a heavy drinking drug taker. The covid rules will change, but he'll still be drinking and taking drugs. Is that the role model you want for your children or will you move on at some point?

This op. Ive read loads of your posts and threads. You sound like a capable, educated, professional Woman. He sounds like he will drag you down.

Thanks for all your replies! A lot of different opinions here. To be fair, he had stopped smoking for a while and I'm not entirely sure if he went to his friend's place to smoke or not. He was up early this morning with us and was fully in daddy/family mode.

He is a sociable person and sounds like your DH @SpnBaby1967. He needs to see friends as well as family or he probably will go mad. I agree it's not acceptable to put us at risk but at the same time I don't want him to be miserable or depressed either.

I really wouldn't call him a slacker. He does his fair share and works hard. He's a work hard, play hard kind of person. So I either live with it or I leave him, which I'm not sure I'm ready to do yet if I'm honest.

My friend's daughter is a student and is home for Christmas. Despite Covid restrictions she wants to socialise with friends in their houses even though this is putting her parents at risk. I am wondering if this is a common problem and if anyone has advice about what to do? Thanks for any ideas!

A lot of this sounds like my husband, except that he doesn't visit friends, he just goes out to the local shop or the office where he can see other people (even though he doesn't always need to be there). He can't bear it being stuck at home in our tiny flat, and has to find an excuse to duck out for a short while every day. He was the same before the pandemic. He has ADHD and it would drive him mad staying at home. He's doing what he needs to stay sane.

"I thought he had stopped smoking really but never has a break from drinking"

How much is he drinking and how long it's been going on for? I'm sorry you're going through this but I completely agree with @MRex . If you assume there is absolutely nothing you can do to change him and he's not going to change himself - where does that leave you?

@Cruzcampo

My friend's daughter is a student and is home for Christmas. Despite Covid restrictions she wants to socialise with friends in their houses even though this is putting her parents at risk. I am wondering if this is a common problem and if anyone has advice about what to do? Thanks for any ideas!

You would be better off starting a separate thread for your own question