Emotional, hurt and upset

[Northernmummy80]

I don’t really know why I’m posting to be honest guess I just need to get it off my chest and try to sleep / not cry.

Obviously it’s a worrying time for everyone and I completely get everyone is entitled to their own emotions but I’m a bit hurt.

DS is a stay at home mum who moved closer to our parents in the summer due to wanting to try for another baby and they already have an older baby so it will be a tiny age gap.

My parents have our very elderly grandma living with them so have been super careful and we have only seen them 1/2 times all year as we live a good 3hrs away.

It all kicked off today as ds is now pregnant and said if our parents met us half way for a walk / had any contact with our young children Christmas Eve (they don’t understand socially distancing from their grandparents and are quite young) then they are refusing to go round for Christmas dinner as we are putting them at risk.

So instead of kicking up a fuss my dad is now driving the round trip to drop our presents at the door. So our kids don’t get upset I’m taking them out for a walk so they won’t even know he’s coming. He’s not stopping and then driving back.

He doesn’t need to drive them over but as some items are clothes if they leave it a few months the clothes won’t fit. Don’t think they considered a courier and guess it’s a bit late now.

DS was in a tier 3 area and broke the rules going round to people’s houses and has been for a private gender scan which wasn’t needed but wanted by them.

Guess I just needed to rant, I’m all for people stick to the rules if it helps their stress levels but it just seems they are picking and choosing rules to follow and using the pregnancy card.

I just don’t see when we can see my parents again, if they are helping out with DS children and on call for when baby is due / helping once a newborn is here surely it’s the same issue we are still a risk. Pfft hoping I can sleep now...

Ach that's rotten. I get why you feel that way...I think she is taking liberties here .

What she doesn't know won't harm her. Kids are allowed to hugs adults, it's within the rules. So what's the difference if your dad stops for a social distanced cuppa on your garden or at a service station on the motorway?

Guessing you're in tier 2? That sounds a bit rubbish, I had it the other way where I was pregnant and said I won't see my parents if they've been having my sisters kids. Good job really as they all got Covid from the kids .... just telling you so you understand that the threat is a legitimate one. She doesn't have the monopoly on your parents in real life but at the min we have to make horrible choices so try have a nice Christmas and rise above it for your own sanity.

It all stinks at the moment doesn’t it. Hope you feel better now after writing it all down. In my opinion, it’s a bit selfish of your DS as she has obviously seen a lot more of your parents than you have, so could easily stay away so you could visit Christmas Day.

That’s shit, and I would be offended, and I wouldn’t be able to hold my tongue.

I would say something to my parents.

Awful, awful behaviour from your sister.

I say that as the sibling living closest to my parents.

That is bloody shitty OP.

If it was me I wouldn't let it spoil anybody's Christmas now but I would pick up the phone to my parents a few days after Christmas and tell them how upset you all were. I'd say part of the upset is worrying this will continue into 2021 and is there anything that can be done to prevent that.

DS is being a prick if as you say she is breaking the rules for herself but being excessively hard on you.

If I were your parents I would do what they’re doing to keep the peace. I’d focus on enjoying my Christmas for now, but afterward NY I would let my parents know I am extremely pissed off although I understand their position.

Your sister I would swerve for a bit. The whole world is crackers right now and people are really heightened.

@Uggmugg

Ach that's rotten. I get why you feel that way...I think she is taking liberties here .

What she doesn't know won't harm her. Kids are allowed to hugs adults, it's within the rules. So what's the difference if your dad stops for a social distanced cuppa on your garden or at a service station on the motorway?

No, kids are not allowed to hug adults in England. They are not exempt from social distancing.

Op I’m sorry but I was pregnant earlier this year and would have done the same as your sister. It is putting your parents and them at risk and is against the rules.

Also how old are your kids? My friends 2 year old has learnt to distance and 2 or younger can be in a pram anyway. Surely the solution is to teach your kids to distance then you can still go for a walk?

That's miserable OP. I was pregnant during the first lockdown and never would have done that. We saw PIL as soon as it was allowed, and I never would've expected them to avoid BIL for our sake.

Oh, and I've had my baby now so haven't kept up with the guidance, but at the time the advice was that in the first two trimesters you just needed to follow the general population rules, and in the third trimester to just be a bit more careful (which I was anyway due to asthma).

If that's still the case, I'd be tempted to link the RCOG guidelines with a "great news! Sister just needs to follow general guidelines, so we can meet after all! The DC will be so happy, they were gutted."

I mean. You shouldn't do this, it's passive aggressive and will cause drama. But I'd still be tempted!

@MindyStClaire the problem though is that the op wasn’t going to follow general guidelines, she was going to break the rules (her kids weren’t going to social distance) and therefore putting pregnant sister at risk. Her sister is not being unreasonable for wanting her family to stick to the rules to keep her and baby safe.

I do know that, and I know that at the end of the day the sister can set her boundaries where she wants.

It just seems like the risk from young children mixing outside is so small, it's a big ask of OP not to see her family at all. The original plan seemed a perfectly sensible one. I really sympathise with OP, I think the sister should've been the one to step back here if she's been seeing the parents and OP hasn't. It's just all so shit, isn't it.

It’s the way it’s done though. Sister hasn’t assertively discussed the situation and offered to make any concessions herself. Just kicked off with threats and emotional blackmail. She sounds a bit thick tbh.

@Mousehole10

Then maybe sister shouldn’t see parents if that concerned

I think I'd want to hear the sister's side of this story before taking sides.