Anyone with ASD or additional needs children finding it all too much? :(

[sunbathingonthebeach]

Just that really, DC2 is nearly 5 and has ASD. I love him to bits but it’s exhaustingly hard work, he has a lot of screaming meltdowns and needs constant supervision. Feeling a bit disheartened at the thought of schools not going back as that’s the time I need to recharge and breathe as well as be able to actually do anything like cleaning and so on. The initial lockdown was horrible and I couldn’t adequately homeschool my elder child as DS’s needs are so demanding that it just wasn’t doable.

The thought of going through it again and is really stressing me out.

Yes, DD has SPD / ASD (and I suspect ADHD too). DP has just mildly criticised me for giving in to her pestering me for a milky way and now I am a seething ball of resentment because I've been dealing with meltdowns all day and just couldn't face another one.

Won’t be sending my 7 year old asd son in this time, school only allow him 3 hours a day as it is.

He went in for the duration of the first lockdown but I’d keep him with me this time, his school don’t want him even when the schools open to all so they can fuck off.

Hard work with him at home but I’ll manage, as I usually do.

X

@ElfAndSafetyInspector don’t feel bad about the Milky Way, sometimes you just do whatever to make your life easier. Some days I do the same, Tesco this morning ds made me cry at the till he was awful awful awful in there and then I gave him a bag of buttons in the car just so I could have 5 minutes silence x

".I had desperately hoped when they expanded support bubbles they would include disabled children but we missed out again as they are over 5. I really don’t know how this is going to end up but we can’t go on like this."

Don't worry about support bubbles. If you have someone who can offer support then take it.

@Jemimapuddleduk yep I feel the same, have my parents very close by who are normally an amazing source of support but they are having to shield currently due to a health condition. I also miss soft play. DS doesn’t cope too well with being outside in the cold weather so parks aren’t always the best option now it’s winter.

Ds 15 asd and sld was in school for most of the first lockdown as a vulnerable child. His special school didn't shut and had as many in as staffing allowed. Without it his anxiety which causes self injurious and aggressive behaviour may have become unmanageable. A few extra weeks here and there we could manage with but long term off I don't think we would.

@ipswichwitch

Absolutely. The n the first few weeks of lockdown although DS2 was going to school (as a keyworker kid) no learning was happening, they were just in childcare bubbles. So we had the joy of picking him up then attempting to homeschool from 4pm 🙄 He’s very much of the opinion that school is for school, and home is home and never the two shall meet. Once they started getting a few more kids in, they got put into year group bubbles and teaching was started. I’ll be eternally grateful if we never have to go back to homeschool again!

This was why I didn't put DS1 (9) in last spring as I felt that what was on offer was the worse end of school without the benefits. Next time I would try and get him in. With an ASD mindset about home/ school life, dyslexis and dyspraxia it was a daily battle. I can not face it again.

Plus DS2 (7) is not a mature learner and struggled with DS1 being his only role model. He needs school to interact with neurotypical children, and his friendships have really suffered since March, and he has shown depressed behaviour this year.

BogRollBOGOF I’m with you there - I cannot face that battle every day either. Homework is bad enough, but trying to do an entire days schooling was hell for everyone. I’ve noticed his anxiety has rocketed, and I’m worried if we don’t keep him going to school we’ll have school refusal to deal with too.

I have one child with asd (and a ehcp but she attends mainstream) and one child awaiting diagnosis and no ehcp, I also have 2 other children, I’m not doing any home learning, I’m just not doing it, don’t care who judges me. I tried in the summer and it caused me to be extremely stressed out so I’m not doing it again. Hopefully our school will allow all 3 (youngest is not in school yet) to attend school as during the summer they said they could accommodate all 3 of them if I needed it.

I've got a year 9, been on SN register since y2, but no EHCP, so can't have a school place but needs full-time 1 to 1 to do anything. At our school even with an EHCP both parents have to be working full-time to get a place and neither wfh so almost impossible. The senco said almost all the sen kids learned nothing in lockdown and it was rare I'ld managed to get DS to study but it meant not working and living off savings. I expect he'll be in isolation a lot next year as he was absolutely terrified by the idea of a covid test, he goes mute a lot at school and runs off from 20% of lessons as it is just standing in the rain but LA won't even assess. And I have a DD in y10 which also seems to have been forgotten about.

Has anyone else had a letter from school saying places are available but the tone of the letter suggests they don't want kids there?
Along the lines of 'places for vulnerable and key workers children have to be booked and we wish to stress that they will be doing the same online program kids would be doing at home and will be no teaching they will be under the care of support staff etc'

@Gobacktothe90s there has been a very clear split between schools with that attitude who absolutely don't want them in and those that are a lot more supportive of having children in

not got a fucking ehcp because they was bumbling along before covid. but that does not mean they is not vulnerable and not coping with not being in school nor that they is able to access the bloody online learning. Child is so far behind as they are completly unable to access work at home due to their disability.

Going off topic slightly but can anyone shed light on why getting an EHCP can be rejected? I’m concerned we will have difficulties getting one for DS, who makes the decision? I’d imagine the school will be for it because doesn’t it make their life easier too?

The LA decides if an needs assessment is required.
Often will have local policy that does not align with the actual law, which is may have SEN
And may need support beyond what school can be provided within own resources

I'd look at IPSEA to get informed.

Some LAs strongly discourage schools applying.

Some schools do want EHCPs, but not all.
Some schools do not want EHCPs as (depending on the funding arrangements) it ties their budget to providing a certain amount. This can be especially felt in
schools that are small and ithe factors like how many pupils in receipt of Pupil Premium etc.
Others may not agree, or just may not care, for outside professional telling them what Provision must be delivered.

@sunbathingonthebeach not all children with additional needs need one. If their needs can be well supported within available resources of a school then they won't need one.

Some LAs are increasingly issuing them but not providing any additional funding so schools aren't keen as it is legally binding and they have to fund a significant chunk of it themselves.

There seems to be a big thing on a lot of parent additional needs support groups to apply for an ehcp when reality is that most children with additional needs don't actually need one. It can be provided within sen support. Theres also various myths amongst parents that EHCP = 1-1 when actually thats rare even for EHCP children.

It is the LA who do the assessment process.

I have one child (aged 6) who has a fully funded EHCP with 32.5 hours of 1-1, enhanced salt package and multiple provisions. She needs specialist school but thats a whole other nightmare

I have a second child (aged 4 due to start sept 2021) who we are awaiting final decision to issue on but its looking likely he will receive a plan. He doesn't need as much support though so will have a lower level ehcp.

DDs school have really had to fight the LA to get the correct funding for DD's provision. I'm glad the senco is a bit dog with a bone when it comes to ehcps and the la.

@HumphreyCobblers

Mine is the same. The problem with sending them to school as a vulnerable child is that if school is different, with different teachers and in a different space it will possible cause more trouble that it is worth.

I am gutted at the thought of it too OP.

THIS, exactly!

My two kids both have Autism, Anxiety (signed off by GP for a year) but no EHCP (that's our local Council for you...) Also both Dyslexic.

Home Schooling simply didnt' work. Kids that were allowed in during last lockdown were given Twinkle worksheets (even the Y11's...)
Going back this term has been a nightmare.
Rules changing every day. Teachers, desks, lunchtimes, ALL of it.

It is very damaging for them, either way sadly. I'd rather Home Ed properly but they need the routine of School I think. It's a mess.

I was devastated when Nicola Sturgeon announced school closures. My 8 year old has autism and ADHD and during the last lockdown he could not attend school. They wouldn’t even consider him for a space in the hubs as they couldn’t support his needs. He is the highest level of needs on the ASN plan. Although he is very articulate, bright and well spoken during lockdown he was using me as a human punch bag during the last lockdown. I was covered in bruises, he was melting down for hours on end and both me and dh still had too work from home while I home schooled too. My son couldn't cope and never normally lashes out. His 4 year old sibling was also getting a lot of aggression and violence directed at him. I also have a toddler.

I told the school I wasn’t home schooling this time and that I couldn’t cope with that behaviour again. I couldn’t face it as I knew ds would revert too lashing out at me constantly. The school knew what happened last time and the negative impact it had on him and the rest of our family so offered him a vulnerable child space. I nearly cried with relief when they called late yesterday. My 4 year old won’t get a nursery space but he is neurotypical and quite and easy child. My toddlers childminder space is still ok too.

If your child needs the vulnerable child space phone them and speak too them if you can. Our school was told too assess on highest level of needs which is why ds got a space.

DS1 attends an ASD base, had to have EHCP to access it. He actually started school with a statement which was the predecessor to EHCP

DS3's EHCP was an epic battle. He's now in a small Special School, having been refused assessment, then refused to issue before the big show down which was the contents and placement. The LA back down over assessing and issuing but the last appeal went to tribunal hearing.

EHCPs can only do so much, it was the nail in the coffin for DS3s last school. But thw alternative was elective home education which I wasn't going to do until I'd exhausted all other options.

Ds's EHCP is meant to be finalised by the 30th December, looks like just in time for him not to return to school. Although we have heard nothing from school at the moment.

Do the school's decide if pupils with EHCPs attend in a lockdown situation?

He was year 11 without an EHCP in the last lockdown, so was pretty much forgotten, like so many other children and young people. Any kind of lockdown or higher tier will also mean his Camhs home visits will stop and he won't use the phone or zoom/teams to communicate.

@punxsutawney it should be in collaboration with parents and where the best place for the child is

Our son's senco has just emailed me and recommends he returns the first week back, He will be in demand avoidance though so it is going to be hard as he says none of his friends will be there and it is not like normal school. (Mainstream). He has ASD but is high functioning and I know he wont do anything if left t home learning except play on his PS4