Today I see my mum for first time

[Idroppedthescrewinthetuna]

Today I will see my mum for the first time since February. She is doing a door drop for presents. We will stay inside and talk out of window, she will be at the top of garden. Dd has had to have a test this morning so definitely no hugging or getting close. I am so so excited yet the reality has kicked in and at the same time I am so heartbroken.
We have coped with lockdowns and pretending all is ok. Knowing that I will be seeing mum today has stirred up so much sadness that I have buried for so many months.
Dp is CEV and mum is 67 and in high risk job. I don't really know why I am posting here. Just needed to write this out.

I understand. It’s a big deal. Bittersweet.

Can’t see my mum as she’s CEV, not seen her since Feb. She’s also life limited so it’s doubly shit.

OP, if your DD has been going to school and therefore putting your partner at risk (a tough situation you can't do anything about), couldn't you have been meeting your mum outside for socially distanced walks? I can't see that it's more risky than sending your DD to school.

Also, your mum is 67 and in a high risk job. She can't retire yet, or take a year out to protect herself?

She has just left. There were lots of tears but we had a giggle too.

@DottyWott I don't know how you cope. Love to you.

@DianaT1969 mum formed a bubble with her friend. Both single, mum made the decision to do this as she didn't want to pick between her 4 dds. My work and mums work clash completely. Usually the only time I see her is birthdays, and I pop into her place as she is finishing work and I am starting (we work close) as I am wfh this has been practically impossible. We did arrange to in September. I was going to meet her for a socially distanced breakfast by the canal by where we work. We were both so excited...she then had a work emergency so had to cancel.

I have just asked her about retiring, the woman will never retire until she has no other choice. She enjoys her work. It is something my sisters and I have asked her to do many times...through this we have practically begged her.

We have just planned the biggest day out though, something to look forward to, we need to just work on date when ever that may be. Who knows?

Sending kids to school has been a grievance in our home. I have 3 children and since September we have only had about 3 weeks where all kids have been in school. Usually we have at least 1 isolating. So again socially distanced walks have been a problem. Although it only has to be the close contact who has to isolate, I felt uncomfortable being close to anybody as I would worry that the I/we are asymptomatic. (Can you tell I am a natural worrier)

But on a high note, I saw her, she looks well, she still managed to comfort me whilst nowhere near me. And my kids laughed and talked none stop at her. She is probably going to go home to give her ears a rest 🤣

Ah, I'm really glad you got to see each other and my fingers are crossed that you all have a normal meet up soon. 💐

Life's to short not to see your parents. A friend dad died (not of covid) heart attack. He was being careful not seeing him - now bitterly regrets it, regrets not spending more time with his dad.

@Remmy123

Life's to short not to see your parents. A friend dad died (not of covid) heart attack. He was being careful not seeing him - now bitterly regrets it, regrets not spending more time with his dad.

I totally agree. But the sacrifice in my head and in my mums head is worth it. She asked me when this started 'if I made a decision that didn't have to be made and DP died would I live with it' The answer, after a lot of arguing with myself was no I wouldn't. In my head I am not protecting him, I am protecting my children. Would I be ok if my mum died? Not at all, I would feel horrendously guilty, but a lot less guilty if I allowed my mum to pass covid onto him. I would have to look at my kids knowing their daddy died cos I needed my mum. My family agree too knowing what kind of person I am. DP was hospitalised because he caught a cold. The look on my DDs faces as he was wheeled into the ambulance not knowing if he was going to come out again... I don't want to see that again. That was a simple cold. We have to make decisions right now that we can live with, if the worse was to happen. And I have had to sacrifice so much. That decision was hard. I see my dad weekly as our work schedules do not clash. He comes to the garden every week.

@DianaT1969

Ah, I'm really glad you got to see each other and my fingers are crossed that you all have a normal meet up soon. 💐

Meet ups with mum are never normal. She is an extraordinary woman. I forgot how much she makes me laugh! 😂

@Remmy123

Life's to short not to see your parents. A friend dad died (not of covid) heart attack. He was being careful not seeing him - now bitterly regrets it, regrets not spending more time with his dad.

This.. My Dad died in May from pulmonary fibrosis of the lungs, not Covid.. I saw him and my mum nearly every day and was staying with them every other night (I was there the night/early morning he passed) supporting my Mum. I'm glad I did, I miss him very much, as does my Mum and sister.

Couldn’t you have met your mum for a socially distanced walk? Especially in summer when cases were so low. Or sat and had coffee in the garden?

Even my vulnerable PIL did this in the summer. Unless I’m missing something?

Kids at school would have been far more risk than an outside meet up with your mum.
The kids have not seen her either? Is she ok with all this?

@Delatron

Couldn’t you have met your mum for a socially distanced walk? Especially in summer when cases were so low. Or sat and had coffee in the garden?

Even my vulnerable PIL did this in the summer. Unless I’m missing something?

If you look above you will see our work schedules do not allow this very easily. They clash all the time. We did plan on a day I was in the office but she had a work emergency and had to cancel. I have also explained that only 3 weeks since September have I had where all of my children have been in school, the rest have been isolating due to symptoms or contact. We are isolating as of today again due to DD having a high temp. These 3 weeks I was unable to take a day off work due to my role. There have been plans and there have had to be cancellations. The kids in school is a huge risk and it is a risk I have no option to take. I saw her today though and I am definitely happy I did. She will possibly be coming again due a January bday. So hopefully she can get over. It is unusual she is available over the weekend.

Yes I get the work schedule thing. You must never see her though. Didn’t either of you have holiday in August? Or a day old ever. Or weekends? Anyway, it’s your choice I was just trying to understand why it had been so long if she lives close.

A day off

@Delatron

Kids at school would have been far more risk than an outside meet up with your mum. The kids have not seen her either? Is she ok with all this?

She is ok with it. She agrees. She is high risk too in a high risk job. We have to take certain risks through no realising choice. She could leave work and I could deregister my kids from school. Realistically that is insane. So we eliminate certain risks. Without giving too much away to be outed. Mum has created a special something for the kids every day. This keeps her connected to them. My kids are young. Seeing her on a walk...they would want to cuddle her and that would upset them. The window seems to be ok for them. They don't get upset. They are used to seeing my dad through the window.

@Delatron

Yes I get the work schedule thing. You must never see her though. Didn’t either of you have holiday in August? Or a day old ever. Or weekends? Anyway, it’s your choice I was just trying to understand why it had been so long if she lives close.

Usually we would but was always difficult to arrange...pre covid. We are both key workers. Her schedule has been horrendous. I actually don't think she has had any time off. I think she is carrying her days over.

The days I have booked off were very last minute and was mainly for kids throughout the lockdown. Again due to Covid I have been working ridiculous amounts. I too am having to carry some days over.

That sounds tough. She must have lots of energy!

Am delighted for you both op

@Delatron

That sounds tough. She must have lots of energy!

Too much! She doesn't stop. She has more energy than I do. We have begged her to retire, we have begged her to reduce her hours (65 hour week, and she will take on overtime) she drives us all nuts. Then splits her time between her social life, 4Dds and a million grandchildren! I asked mum today what she plans on doing after seeing us. She said she is going to do her ironing. She has been awake since 3am. Madness! I do love her though and am inspired by her.

Ha my Mum’s like that. She never sits down. I’m so jealous.
I’m always knackered!

Is your mum a taxi driver, OP? I have impression they have the highest occupational risk.

@lljkk

Is your mum a taxi driver, OP? I have impression they have the highest occupational risk.

Haha, my mum driving? That would be dangerous. no she isn't and I won't disclose her work as it is quite outing. Throughout this I have been quite worried. At the start of lockdown they were all in hazmat suits. They are not anymore since new information about the virus has come out. She does have to be careful though. I thought I was worried enough when she had to have a letter regarding ebola!

Oh goodness, I would hate to be a taxi driver right now. Although I am a key worker and my hours have sky rocketed with no extra pay I am so so thankful that I can WFH.

@Delatron

Ha my Mum’s like that. She never sits down. I’m so jealous. I’m always knackered!

I am the same. I think back to when we were younger. She would do a full weeks shop with all 4 of us in toe. I have no idea how she did it, then get home and do all housework and find time to play with us all. I do a shop on my own and I need a sit down after! My DP is the same. The kids have learned to wake him up through the night. If they wake me up I am knackered the next day and practically useless. Dp can have a crap nights sleep and still cook and clean. I am not sure how I managed to feed the babies throughout the night and still function the next day!

I do worry mum will burn herself out. But she is happy working like mad. Freak!

I think for people like them it’s actually good for them to keep working and keep busy. My gran didn’t retire until she was 80 😱

@Delatron

I think for people like them it’s actually good for them to keep working and keep busy. My gran didn’t retire until she was 80 😱

80!!! Wow! That is amazing! I believe my mum will do the same. Mum stands a lot in her job so as long as she is ok on her feet I think she will work. Last year she had a promotion. It was a joke in our family, at her age most people start looking to hand over responsibility or reduce hours! Not my mum though, she gained hours and responsibilities. I couldn't imagine her retiring.