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Covid

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Original poster

can.anyone clarify please?

22 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 19/12/2020 22:51

DS (22) lives with his gf in a Tier 3 area. We are in Tier 2. He graduated in the summer but gf is on a 4 year course so they are renting a tiny flat and ds is working whilst gf finishes her final year.

Gf is not from UK and flew home last week to her family home where she will be until at least mid January, possibly into Feb.

DS was coming home for Christmas - dh was planning to drive early on 23rd to pick him up.

Under the new rules DS wont be allowed home. He could technically come for Christmas day but he lives 2 hours away so we would have a 4 hour round trip to pick him up in the morning and then again to take him back in the evening which is effectively most of the day gone.

Would we be allowed to form a support bubble with him so he could come back? technically he isn't a single person household as he lives with his gf but she is gone for at least 4 weeks, plus her main residence is elsewhere. Ds had planned to stay on at uni to do his Masters but decided to get a job instead (which he's mainly doing from home)If he was doing his MA as planned he would be allowed home.

I do want to comply with the law but am not clear what is actually allowed.

OP posts:

Cynderella · 19/12/2020 22:58

I think, from other threads, some people will think this will depend on whether he needs the support of another household.

Original poster

EmmaGrundyForPM · 19/12/2020 23:10

I would say he is usually quite resilient but at the moment he sounds quite down. I haven't spoken to him since today's announcement. We will ring him tomorrow. I think if we had known this a week ago I would have posted him presents and a food hamper. As it is, he will be in a tiny flat on his own with no Christmas food and no presents. Hence my thinking that if he was allowed to form a support bubble with us he could come home.

OP posts:

Gintime74 · 19/12/2020 23:19

I would just have him come to yours as planned and he can be in your bubble. This has been an awful year, nobody should have to be on their own at Christmas.

Dotinthecity · 19/12/2020 23:22

Who's going to be bothered if he comes home for a few days? It was okay this morning so it's okay now. It sounds like he could do with some support. I really wouldn't worry about it. 💐

Seaswims · 19/12/2020 23:24

Definitely have him come home OP

Diddlysquatty · 19/12/2020 23:24

I would’ve thought effectively he is a single person household at the moment
Plus neither of you are tier 4.

StatisticalSense · 19/12/2020 23:25

No, as he isn't a single adult household (you don't become a single adult because the other adult is on holiday) and therefore cannot form a support bubble. Furthermore you shouldn't be travelling out of area in any case.

Cynderella · 19/12/2020 23:41

Hmm, you are a single person household if you're living on your own for weeks or months, aren't you? I think, for me, the key thing would be that if someone was coming to stay here, I'd want them to have isolated for a few days beforehand - especially if coming from a high risk area.

Original poster

EmmaGrundyForPM · 20/12/2020 03:08

Thanks for the responses.

He has been really careful as his gf has asthma and so neither of them have been in contact with other people. All her lectures etc have been online this term. DS is working from home.

I really feel very conflicted about this. On the one hand I want to comply with the rules because I believe that if everyone starts arguing that they are "special" and don't have to, then we will never get out of this nightmare. Then I hypocritically think "well, DS won't pose a risk as if he comes to us he won't go anywhere and neither will we so he won't spread it"

If we had had warning of this I could have ensured he was ok in his flat. But I haven't got time to send him anything. I just feel sick about the whole thing.

OP posts:

stevalnamechanger · 20/12/2020 03:33

Have him over . Imagine being stuck in a flat alone for Xmas . I already bailed from the city and have gone back to family myself . Not good for mental health to be alone like that

Original poster

EmmaGrundyForPM · 20/12/2020 03:44

@stevalnamechanger

Have him over . Imagine being stuck in a flat alone for Xmas . I already bailed from the city and have gone back to family myself . Not good for mental health to be alone like that

I know. He won't have anything for Christmas because he was coming here.

My elderly mum.will be on her own for Christmas because she feels it's too much of a risk to come to us. Thats ok because she made that decision, I drove over with her presents and lots of lovely food, and she has a neighbour who (weather permitting) is coming over to see her on Christmas morning and they are going to have Bucks Fizz in mum's garden. So all well and good.

With DS it's different because we haven't planned for this. All his friends where he lives have already gone home for Christmas. His closest friend at uni also lives abroad and flew home in November.

OP posts:

Lupinhere37 · 20/12/2020 03:57

I’m a stickler for the rules but I say get him. If he has all his wfh gear with him, can’t he just stay with you and wfh until his gf is back, or until this inevitable next lockdown is over?
At least he’ll have company and you won’t be so worried about him.
As long as he’s not going to be out socialising with his mates, where is the harm in him staying inside your home as opposed to staying inside his own?
If you think he’d not fare well, alone, potentially for weeks on his own, then get him now.
I was shocked at how rapidly my older teenage dc deteriorated mentally when she started to acutely feel the effects of being isolated from friends. Once it started, it became a rollercoaster and she can’t seem to pull herself back again now, no matter what we do.
Yes, we all need to stick to the rules. But we also have to be sensible about protecting people in other ways too and if you say you’ve all been taking precautions, then continue to take them but be together.

Original poster

EmmaGrundyForPM · 20/12/2020 07:23

@lupinhere37 thank you. That is my feeling but part of it doesn't feel right. Of course if he was still a student we wouldn't have this dilemma, he would be allowed home in the same way his girlfriend is.

OP posts:

midinthenight · 20/12/2020 07:57

It seems reasonable to form a support bubble and have him come home. I would go for this option as he is a single household for the moment.

If he does decide to stay though, presumably he won't have nothing as he could go and get some Christmas food himself. Supermarkets are open. If you were to send his presents using Hermes today or Royal Mail tomorrow they should make it in time too.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 20/12/2020 08:02

He’s not a single person household just because his girlfriend is on holiday so he ant have a support bubble. You can see him Christmas Day and stay within the rules, just collect him in the very early hours, have the day and drop him back late on.

If everyone looks to break the rules, we will be in a bigger mess in January.

ImAncient · 20/12/2020 08:06

Honestly I wouldn’t hesitate. As a friend said to me there is are the rules & then there are the humane rules. Leave a child of mine on their own if they weren’t infectious? No chance. And I’ve played every rule by the book. But I wouldn’t leave my child or other family member unless it was their decision.

Florencemattell · 20/12/2020 08:17

Go and get him. His mental health is important and he seems a very low risk to you and you to him.
I’m a nanny in Tier 4. I work in Tier 2. I have teenagers at home so potentially taking virus to work.
The family I work for also have other staff , so multiple households mixing.
No social distancing from children and it’s impossible to constantly wipe all surfaces . Also no ventilation. It’s legally allowed but makes no sense from a virus prospective.
So those saying keep to the rules or we will never be out of this are right but the rules make little sense.

Original poster

EmmaGrundyForPM · 20/12/2020 09:03

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

If everyone looks to break the rules, we will be in a bigger mess in January.

I understand that. But the irony is that if he had stayed to do his Masters as planned he could come home. He has not been mixing with anyone apart from gf and they have even ordered food online to minimise risk of going into shops. It seems bonkers that gf has been able to catch a train to London, then fly home (which she was very scared about due to being in aeroplane breathing the same air as other people) and then stay in a country with really low Covid rate whereas DS now shouldn't come to us.

I've been really clear in my mind about following the rules so far and not breaking them but this one is so difficult.

OP posts:

DuzzyFuck · 20/12/2020 09:11

It's a tough one OP but I would say do it. If you're all staying within your home, not mixing with anyone else and no public transport to reach you then the risks are as low as they can possibly be.

My friend lives alone in a studio flat which from midnight went into Tier 4. Her parents did an emergency dash to get her last night, arriving home with an hour to spare. They won't leave the house, nobody else is coming to them, but she's already spent 2 lockdowns alone in her studio, another one was just too much to face.

Original poster

EmmaGrundyForPM · 20/12/2020 09:18

If it was our other son there would be no issue - he suffers very badly with his Mental Health and would not cope. But Ds2 is much more resilient and will probably manage, he will just be very miserable.

If he does come back none of us would be mixing with anyone else. We wouldn't even be going to a shop - I have delivery slots booked for the next 3 weeks. The only risk would be to me, dh and ds1. We would effectively isolate for that period.

We will talk to him tonight and then make a decision.

OP posts:

itssquidstella · 20/12/2020 09:23

Oh have him over to yours, OP.

Lupinhere37 · 20/12/2020 10:12

I know it doesn’t feel right op. I’d be worried too. However, it’s all well and good saying no overnight stays and Christmas Day only but if you have him in your house all day on Christmas Day, you’ll have been exposed to any risk posed anyway. Him going home again won’t change that.
I guess you have to ask him, as an adult, to decide what to do.
Your bigger issue is possibly driving between the tiers, although someone may correct me on that. I’ve not bothered looking because I don’t need to drive out of my town for anything.
So you could collect him early Christmas Day and then tell him he stays until lockdown is over.
Yes it is bending the rules but if HE feels he can’t cope alone, then collect him. If he feels he can manage and you can put in regular FaceTime etc, then all is well. Perhaps you could financially run to supporting him having a few lovely takeaways or there may even be a local hotel or pub close to him who are doing a takeaway Christmas dinner. There are certainly places local to me who are doing that.

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