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Original poster

Family member just announced he won’t be getting the vaccine

39 replies

doireallyneedaname · 17/12/2020 21:24

I had my first born one week before lockdown in February. My almost 80 year old father had come from abroad to visit us and meet baby, however due to the pandemic he was essentially stranded with us as we decided as a family it didn’t feel safe for him to travel home. We were happy for him to go home initially but we missed the boat as shit really hit the fan that week and travel restrictions were imposed. My brother and his daughter in particular were very against the idea of him travelling home. Brother even suggested he go and stay with his daughter if we “couldn’t have him.” Daughter was a uni student (who actually ended up with COVID) - so I’m glad I refused that one.

We spent 4 months shielding with him, terrified for his life as he is elderly and has high blood pressure, on top of learning how to look after a baby. It was lovely to have my only living parent with us and his first grandson, but it also tainted our experience of having our first baby, more so for my partner. Our house is tiny.

Eventually when things calmed down my dad decided it was time to go. So we packed him off, and I will never forget how I felt watching my frail old father walk to the airport terminal, FFP2 & face shield in tow. I cried the whole way home, terrified he’d catch it on the way back.

Fast forward to tonight, to top off an already horrific year, my dad has just had a biopsy to check for potential cancer. On the phone I ask if they’ve heard any more about when the vaccine will be available there, when brother (mentioned above, who was adamant dad couldn’t travel back in Feb) announces he won’t be having it as he’s not going to be a “guinea pig.”

I’m absolutely furious. After all of that.

I’ve spent weeks fighting anti vax comments from people in my life but I feel so angry that my own family are now saying the same kind of rubbish.

I’m having a rant I suppose. I just don’t even know what to say to him.

OP posts:
snookercue · 17/12/2020 21:27

does your father normally live with your brother?

Original poster
doireallyneedaname · 17/12/2020 21:28

No, he lives in above my father with his wife. In our home country it’s common to build on top of the family home.

OP posts:
Tenyearsgone · 17/12/2020 21:30

While I have nothing against the vaccine and would have it if offered, it is our choice.

Original poster
doireallyneedaname · 17/12/2020 21:36

I do understand that (though I don’t like it)

What i find upsetting is the he caused such a fuss about how dangerous it was for my dad and himself (he’s early 50’s with diabetes) - to the point where he said if my dad did go home he wouldn’t pick him up or go anywhere near him for two weeks. He called me selfish at the time. And now to refuse a vaccine?

OP posts:
RaggieDolls · 17/12/2020 21:37

I'd feel the same as you.... it sounds extremely frustrating.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 17/12/2020 21:41

Extremely frustrating OP, I have a similar situation with my family. Even more annoying when they are happy to take advice from random people on social media but not from actual medical professionals.

YouWantToDoWhatInAPyrexDish · 17/12/2020 21:56

Very frustrating. Also similar situation here - parents and sibling extremely cautious here since March to the point of not even going for a walk down the street (not at all busy, likely not to see one person and all neighbours have been very sensible with distancing/keeping to one side of the road). I feel the pressure has been on me - I’ve done the shopping, been the one to pick up medicine etc etc When I heard the vaccine was approved I was overjoyed thinking finally some light at the end of the tunnel - I can see a day finally I won’t have to worry about bringing covid to them. Then parents said they won’t be having it as don’t want to be the guinea pigs. I found that insulting on behalf of the trial participants who were actually the brave ones! I’ve tried to explain why the vaccines have been so fast in development but nope, not having it.

I have no advice but was also in need of a rant.

Iwonder08 · 17/12/2020 22:17

It is your father's decision, not your brothers and not yours.. You never mentioned he is not in a sound mind so I don't understand the arguing. There are a lot of people who won't like to be in the first batch of getting vaccinated

snookercue · 17/12/2020 22:25

@Iwonder08

It is your father's decision, not your brothers and not yours.. You never mentioned he is not in a sound mind so I don't understand the arguing. There are a lot of people who won't like to be in the first batch of getting vaccinated
I thought OP meant the brother won't be having it?
trulydelicious · 17/12/2020 23:43

@doireallyneedaname

It's his body, it should be his choice in my opinion

Also, I don't know which vaccine they will be offered there, but the Pfizer one has not been proven to prevent transmission yet (so even if your brother got vaccinated, it is not known whether he could still pass it on to your father)

june2007 · 17/12/2020 23:45

Well it,s a new vsccine poeple have had allergic reactions to it. I seriously don,tr blame him. I won,t have it yet either.

DelphiniumBlue · 17/12/2020 23:51

So he's saying that he isn't yet sure that the vaccine is safe? It is a new vaccine, one of them is only about 50% effective, and your brother could be in one of the categories that have allergic reactions. I don't think that makes him selfish. Maybe you can send him evidence that it is safe, would that make him feel better?

trulydelicious · 17/12/2020 23:54

@DelphiniumBlue

Maybe you can send him evidence that it is safe, would that make him feel better

Where would you find this evidence? Not enough time has passed, there is no evidence yet

Croleeen · 18/12/2020 00:22

The vaccine has not been proved to stop people from passing it on. It only alleviates the symptoms. So it wouldn't make any difference, even if our government were capable of rolling out the vaccine to younger people who actually want it, which won't happen until 2022 I bet. I don't think people understand the limits of vaccines for coronavirus.

VenusTiger · 18/12/2020 01:04

It's not your decision OP, it's up to your DF to decide if he wants to go near ANYONE who won't have it - I mean come on, children aren't going to need it, certainly young and healthy won't either - I guess your 'idea' of the vaccine is totally different to your DB's idea, in that you think having it will stop your DF from getting Covid (which we know so far, it won't prevent transmission, just like flu vaccine doesn't) and your DB obviously thinks it won't make any difference anyway and could end up harming him as he's diabetic. Your DF could end up contracting it from someone else surely?
The vaccine is not the shiny 'cure' ppl are thinking it is - we've decades of studies into SARs viruses, anti-bodies and vaccines and flu vaccines are altered year on year and are only up to 60% effective.

miimblemomble · 18/12/2020 05:56

I don't think people understand the limits of vaccines for coronavirus.

I think you correct there @Croleeen. I keep asking / trying to work out what actually changes in terms of day to day life once people have been vaccinated and there is very, very little discussion other than “we can get back to normal”.

I also wonder if people who are very Covid-cautious are also more likely to be vaccine hesitant. Anecdotally, friends / relatives who’ve been very worried about catching Covid (despite being young, healthy, etc) are also the ones who are now worried about the vaccine being “rushed” and “we don’t know about the long term effects” etc.

3littlewords · 18/12/2020 06:06

I get where you are coming from my FIL is on his 70s ECV has shielded since March won't have the covid vaccine nor the flu jab. Its not safe apparently and he will grow another head overnight or something equally ridiculous. Theres a constant stream of different people going into their house and he harps on about how he's scared what affect the virus would have on him if he did catch it yet doesn't want to take any precautionary measures against it. He tells everyone he's been shielding since March, which is true to the extent he's rarely been out but doesn't see the fact they have every man and his dog into the house as contradictory. Im done with it tbh and have reached the fuck you stage if he gets it and the worst happens its his own fault

Catsup · 18/12/2020 06:14

From the other side of the coin my DM was thrilled to get a call last week offering her the option of the vaccine. Except they can only offer to do it in 20 miles away from her home, and she doesn't drive and is very physically disabled, I don't drive either, and my Dd is 2wks post C section so can also not transport her there. In between all of the above my DM said she'd still like to arrange a taxi or so forth to get vaccinated, and the GP staff offering it then stated... 'so if its looking to be too complicated, we'll just put you down as a' No'? 🙄'...

Bimbleboo · 18/12/2020 06:28

Not sure if I’m right or wrong in my own feelings on this either but I felt absolutely furious when a relative of mine announced the same thing.

It was the first time I’d felt such a huge level of resentment throughout the covid crisis.

I just felt all this rage. People have sacrificed so much. We are in a fairly lucky position compared to some. We haven’t lost our jobs or our income. We aren’t facing losing our home. We haven’t had a business fold. We haven’t had loved ones who had to work in the front line as hcps. And yet we have still been impacted. Our baby has missed out on SO many experiences in a year. My mental health has been shot to shit and my partner has experienced ill mental health for the first time in his life.
Nothing compared to some, and what others have lost or sacrificed or faced is so significant that the effects will be felt for a while lifetime.
That’s largely been to protect the older generations. We don’t have capacity in the health system to look after them all. (And yes I am angriest at the politicians who allowed this to happen by quietly withdrawing resohrces from it for years ) So people have suffered, kids have lost a year of education, people have lost their livelihood, nurses have been sectioned with PTSD after watching how brutally people sometimes die of this.

To protect the older generation.

And when I hear someone in my family, who’s OF that generation, haughtily announcing she will not be having any vaccine because she’s done ‘her own research’ , and then also announcing that she hopes they hurry up and vaccinate enough people that the risk is lowered so we can all go back to normal .... I despair entirely.

So in addition to her not being willing to have it, to protect HERSELF after what others have given up to protect her, she’s relying on others to have the vaccine so she’s protected, she wants that sacrifice made also Hmm

Maybe I’m really out of order and she shouldn’t be expected to just accept it, and I know she has every right to decide for herself. It just really angers me that someone I love would come to that conclusion in the face of all the work that’s been done to produce it. She had absolutely not researched any of the content about it being safe so doesn’t have a balanced view. Just the anti vax content on social media.

boobot1 · 18/12/2020 06:37

@doireallyneedaname

I do understand that (though I don’t like it)

What i find upsetting is the he caused such a fuss about how dangerous it was for my dad and himself (he’s early 50’s with diabetes) - to the point where he said if my dad did go home he wouldn’t pick him up or go anywhere near him for two weeks. He called me selfish at the time. And now to refuse a vaccine?

Don't see what difference it makes. The vaccine doesn't stop transmission.
Roselilly36 · 18/12/2020 07:20

I totally get your frustration, we have a very elderly relative, who has been absolutely terrified of contracting the virus, not been out, stuck at home all day, cut off from family, living an existence rather than a life. But no, not taking the vaccine. I find it really hard, to figure it out too.

Northernsoullover · 18/12/2020 07:44

To all those who say it doesn't stop transmission. WE DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW that! Even if it doesn't we should still have it.

trulydelicious · 18/12/2020 07:49

@Northernsoullover

I think this thread is more about the risk of her brother passing on Covid to her father, so to ascertain whether the vaccine stops transmission is key.

Even if it doesn't we should still have it

Some have concerns about the vaccine and would rather not have it at this point.

Original poster
doireallyneedaname · 18/12/2020 07:57

I mean, kind of. But it’s also about the fact that at the start he wouldn’t even entertain the idea of helping my elderly father home from the airport for fear of COVID, yet now won’t take something to help himself. He’s in the vulnerable category too.

OP posts:
Original poster
doireallyneedaname · 18/12/2020 08:26

That does sound really frustrating. I think to a certain degree some of the elderly folk don’t really understand how transmission works.

There was a point when we were shielding that my father was actually nervous for myself and my partner to even go out on to our street! He got over it a month or so later but has now gone the other way. He wanted the vaccine but right before my brother announced he wouldn’t be having it, my dad had said to me “Why don’t the politicians have it first eh? Then we’ll know if it’s safe!” - I immediately knew my brother had been badgering him with all the conspiracy theories because this was not my dads previous stance on it.

Also, I reckon politicians WILL have had it.

OP posts:
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