Friends and different views on covid - ruined friendships

[WheneverIsForever]

Feeling very sad tonight
I've been really careful this whole period as I'm a carer for my parents who are in their 80s.
A 'friend' has been hardly contacting me for walks or meetups outside because she said she is tired yet met a mutual friend the other day at a park at the end of my road.
I asked her about why we haven't met in the same way and she was very cold, saying it's just a timing issue, we discussed exchanging Christmas gifts and she said she didn't want to stress me out because she knows I sanitise everything. I do this because we are in Tier 3 and my parents are highly vulnerable both in age and with medical complications.
It feels like a poor excuse because she's just not keen to see me, maybe she thinks my response to the virus is pathetic and she's lost respect for me. Also perhaps she takes it personally that I sanitise everything? She is a keyworker in a shop so obviously has been in the thick of it the whole time whereas I have worked from home. I know that is a privileged position but I have had constant worry over my parents and I have had health anxiety in the past so this situation has been very difficult for me.
A few weeks ago I said in a message to her, we will be able to meet once my parents have the vaccine, it will be wonderful, that I miss her and my DC miss her DC so much. All she could muster is a thumbs up icon in response. I have children with a huge age gap, when it was lockdown DS was desperate to see her DS online, she didn't once arrange it, despite repeated pleas from me, I felt hung out to dry.
I feel so hurt, I don't have siblings, I've relied heavily on friends in the past but I so badly wish I had a sister in times like this...It's been a very isolating experience, where all I seem to have is fair weather friends except for my husband.
Has anyone else felt lonely and isolated?

@eeeyulesmiles

I’m ditching a couple of people who hid from me in the summer

I’m not going to say anything, but if they try to come back...

Sounds like they'll be better off without you.

Yes, perhaps they will.

They could have met up in summer, even outdoors, but they didn’t want to, so I can only conclude they don’t really want to be friends.

OP I think your friend is working so hard, outdoors meet-ups might feel a bit much and too tiring.

I think you're making this about you and not much about her. Personally, at the moment having worked throughout this like your friend (I teach), I am absolutely exhausted, mentally, physically. My husband is too but he works at home and it's very different. We're both sick of this absolutely in different ways.

For me, I'm so exhausted, run into the group and at my wit's end, I've cried at work this week , I wouldn't be able to cope with a barrage of needy messages and someone who only wanted to meet me outside. The only time I've seen friends recently, who all worked at home mostly, all I've managed to do is crash on their sofa while the kids played. (rightly or wrongly we've met up but they've been doing key worker after school care for me as allowed by the school so for my mental health and sanity I've seen them after work when I've picked my kids up for a bit as I've needed some female company and solidarity after being so stressed on a day at work)

I can't at the moment deal with needy messages, I can't maintain friendships that aren't easy and in person when the kids are playing and I can snatch a quick cup of tea before I go home for the bedtime routine.

I'm sorry but from the POV of your friend I would be wondering if it's all your wants and needs or if what I needed &, could cope with at the moment after a phsyically and emotionally demanding year working outside the house and dealing with heightened risks and heightened emotions ...and I would feel that you're not thinking of me at all

I found it incredibly difficult going for a walk with my friend who wanted our toddlers to socially distance. The toddlers didn’t even come into contact with each other but maintaining two metres at all times was tricky without having them strapped into buggies which rather defeats the object of getting them outside. We both also had newborns at the time and at one point her toddler fell over and cried whilst she was changing the baby’s nappy and she wouldn’t let me help her toddler. I didn’t meet with her for a walk again - I expect she also found it hard that I clearly wasn’t on the same page as her though I was completely respectful of her wishes.

I completely agree with everything hardbackwriter has said on this thread. It’s very hard trying to consider everyone else’s needs and sometimes it’s just not possible to meet all those needs under the circumstances.

It sounds like you have very high standards with the sanitising and social distancing understandably because your parents are vulnerable but could your friend be worried she can't meet these standards? Maybe she can cope with other friends with a similar attitude to the guidance more easily right now.

Covid socialising is hard work, you've got to wait for reasonable weather and be available at short notice now which obviously doesn't suit everyone. Likewise some people have taken to virtual contact better than others in my experience. This could just be a matter of compatibility.

I am working and have had to work throughout in a role where we are not able to wfh and come into contact with lots of people. Especially in the beginning when there was no protection in place, it was extremely stressful. I've had to move away from vulnerable family members, and I am still worried about passing it to less vulnerable family members as I'd much rather we all didn't get it, obviously.

I have had massive health and general anxiety throughout but I don't have any option to stay home.

I have had no choice but to cope by coming to terms with the fact that I can't protect myself and will probably get it and infect my family. I did meet up with friends, go out to restaurants, etc when allowed despite being very worried about the virus because I can't afford to hide from it. Outwardly it might look like I'm just not bothered, but the truth is that I just don't have the luxury of feeling like I can avoid it either way.

I have distanced myself from friend wfh throughout and sanitising groceries because it just highlights to me how unfair it all is. I get that everyone needs to do what they feel is best for them and theirs, but it's hard for me to watch and sympathise with others whose biggest concerns is potential infection via a bag a crisps or a socially distanced outdoor meeting (extremely low risk) when I have no choice but to be in crowded public spaces all day. You don't know your friends perspective -- it has been stressful working in the community throughout the pandemic and people are coping in all sorts of ways.