Tier 3 and devastated, will we ever come out?

[Intearstier3]

I know that others have been in restrictions for longer, and I know we are fortunate not to have a business affected by the restrictions. But I've had other very sad news and a traumatic day and the tier 3 news on top has pushed me over the edge.

I have a toddler at home full time and a newborn. Toddler desperately misses and asks about playing with other children, asks to go to family's houses and doesn't understand why she can't. We had found one indoor play place open and it was an absolute life saver, she was so happy and it was a relief to sit with newborn for a minute rather than breastfeeding on a log in the rain etc dragging them out in puddle suits every day.

I feel so sad that she now can't go there even, possibly ever, because they are struggling with the constant closures. I can't imagine how I will entertain her all day every day with the baby too and nowhere to go except our local woods and nobody to talk to. I know it's such a small thing but with that and other bad news and no sleep I just feel so beaten now

I'm sure it will improve a bit in spring but that's at least three months away and I feel desperate

Where I am some baby/toddler groups are running (also tier 3). Have you checked to see if there’s anything local?

I'm in tier 3, and have had this level of restriction since September. We've got some baby/toddler groups running so have a look around Also, are you aware of the under 1 support bubble? Other than that, it's crap but you'll adapt. Sorry to hear you've had a crap day.

It's so hard isnt it. I have a young baby too and it's been awful, I feel sorry for you having a toddler to entertain too. One thing that helped me is the new support bubbles, if you have a baby under one you can form one. We didn't have any family nearby to form one with so instead of occasionally seeing inlaws we decided instead to bubble with friends in a similar position, so now I have somewhere to go during the week during mat leave and some proper adult company for my DH at weekends too. It's made so much difference just having another house to go to. can you do this with someone?

Do you have any zoos or farms nearby? It might be worth buying a membership if so as they can still be open in Tier 3 (only their indoor areas have to close).

Some baby/toddler groups are still open in tier 3.
How old is your toddler? Are they old enough to go to nursery or similar at least one day a week?

Tier 3 here and no groups on at all, most never reopened after the first lockdown. Sure start/ Children’s centres remain closed too. Our local soft play was a lifesaver but again closed. It’s shite. It’s not a small thing though, either it’s hard. Lack of sleep is brutal and newborns can be tough. All out of suggestions today OP, sorry it’s been a tough one, I can only say your not alone.

Could your oldest one go to nursery a couple of days a week? I sympathise with you OP, there's only so many times you can go to the park in the cold and rain without thinking 'this is so shit'. At least with a vaccine the end is in sight even if it's not going to be imminent.

I've now found a preschool for jan and she's so excited but what if she can't go due to another lockdown? We found a farm park to go to and I was feeling so much better but now headlines are Jan lockdown

Every time I feel I've found something to give me hope suddenly it seems doubtful it will be there. I just feel utterly desperate trying to help her. She hasn't been allowed to play with another child for nine months. I'm trying my best to entertain her but getting almost no sleep at night and running out of ideas. I know we're very lucky really but in the night when she can't see I just can't stop crying and don't know where to go from here. It's the uncertainty and that every time I find a small lifeline i can't be sure it will stay

What if playgrounds and exercise more than once is banned again, or at all? I've been doing kinetic sand and stuff since March and she's very good about it but she's so bored and desperate to play with other people and children

If I knew it was the same rules as November even I think I could manage it but I just don't know where to go from here with the uncertainty and fear for the future financially

We've just lost a pet too. I'm very pragmatic and get on with it in the day but during the long nights I am really really struggling

Would antidepressants help? Or not as it's situational? I'm not sure I want to take them if breastfeeding, but want to be the best I can be for DC. I am fine in the day as want to model resilience etc but I feel like I'm unraveling right now, maybe it's just the lack of sleep too? I wish I could talk to people in the day, even just seeing them at the indoor play place made me so happy even though we couldn't mix indoors so didn't actually know anyone there. And my daughter was so happy being able to go somewhere

Feeling more rational now and embarrassed about previous messages. Onwards and upwards! Not been to sleep yet tonight still though zzz

I think someone previously mentioned it but a new support bubble was introduced at the beginning of the month for those with a baby under the age of one. Not sure if you have a household nearby you could create a bubble with but it may help if you have a relative etc you could visit to help out.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/health-52637354

Do you have a partner? Will they have any time off over Christmas? In the New Year could they plan to take occasional days of annual leave - say one a fortnight - to give you some company and an extra pair of hands?

Lack of sleep makes a huge difference to your mental state, so if there is any chance your partner can help you catch up on sleep, take it with both hands.

Pre-school is an excellent idea - will give your dd and opportunity to play with others and give you a bit of a break. Our local one was open through the last lockdown so I doubt yours will close. Be prepared for your dd to be sent home to self isolate sometimes though.

Are any forest schools running near to you? Our local ones are (its still outdoors in the rain with a puddle suit but at least there's company).

FWIW I think Jan will be hard and horrible (it always is) but Feb is a short month and March will be spring.

I hope things seems brighter after sleep. Let yourself have the odd wobble and get it out of your system.

Look after yourself as best you can

Exercise more than once was never banned. It was just the general public adding extra layers of rules to suit their "stay the fuck at home" narrative.

Fingers crossed for the pre-school, just that would make a huge difference, it gives some structure and routine again to days as well as the actual benefits of being at the pre-school. Nursery settings have been back since beginning of June and didn’t shut in November, as with schools I think they will try to be the last thing closed and if in January there are problems in schools it likely will be secondaries mainly affected. Where I live it also looks like the older toddler groups are trying to start up again more after Christmas so that may be the same in your area too???

Exercise more than once was never banned

It was if you were shielding. Yes I know it was guidance not law, but it even said we should get someone else to take our bins out. We were not allowed out for daily exercise between March and June, and even now we're expected to exercise prudence about exercise choices and duration.

That was not much fun for the 90,000 or so DC required to shield (plus household members whomshielded with them, as isolating from yourDC within your home doesn't really work) and they continue with advice against indoor facilities even when open.

I know Pollyanna can be very irritating, and I know everyone finds things tough at different points. But I would love to swop problems with OP.

OP are you aware that under the last lockdown you can meet another adult outdoors and children under 5 are exempt? So you can meet another mum with a toddler and they can play together?

Don’t feel embarrassed about your earlier posts - this is very very hard! I’ve been through the same thing - wondering where the line lies between PND and just feeling like shit because the situation is shit!

For ideas on how to cope, we’ve had a thread running in chat. Most people on there are juggling toddler and baby, you’re welcome to join in.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4105179-trapped-toddler-parents-of-the-fabled-winter-2020-2021-puddle-suits-at-the-ready-hello-christmas?pg=1

And the previous one if you want to look back through for ideas - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4059672-Trapped-Toddler-Parents-of-Winter-2020-21-Support-Thread-Puddlesuits-at-the-ready