I know I am being unreasonable but feeling suddenly shattered that ds1 can’t come for Xmas

[Peaseblossom22]

I know , I know it’s very ridiculous . He’s 27 , lives with his girlfriend in Tier 3 and her parents are also in Tier 3 they can go for the day , it’s the right thing to do. But I have only seen him twice since March , he came home in Sept for a week which was lovely, but he’s a stickler for the rules so all through the summer we didn’t meet ,we lived over 2 hours away . Closer now but dh doesn’t seem to feel the need to see him so much .

Today ds3 had what could have been a nasty accident in his car . He is fine, walked away without a scratch but it could have been so much worse. I think that’s what’s making me feel emotional . The car was ds1s and then ds2 and then ds3 and it’s a write off . Dh very grumpy and teaching him a lesson , but honestly we live in the middle of nowhere no car will be punishment enough plus the shock and he is alive which is the main thing for me at the moment .

And to top it all my closest friend has tested positive ( haven’t seen each other for a month) and another has cancer 😞

Don’t know why I’m posting really but I hate this year and this virus and what it’s done to us all , am hoping my lovely Dad will get the vaccine soon as he’s shielding and as he says ‘hasn’t got time to waste’

I just wanted to say that sounds really tough. It’s a big disappointment, but after DS accident & the news about hour friend I’m sure it made you feel very vulnerable. It is so hard not being able to be with and support each other

Oh Op I am so sorry

There are some little bits here about your DH that I wonder might need another post somewhere else? The not being bothered to see your DS and his reaction to the car accident

Thank God he is safe. must be such a shock and full of what ifs, try to be kind to yourself for a few days as the shock wears off.

Try to think if you are seeing DS3 at Christmas it's time you have without DS1 that DS1 had with you when he was little that DS3 probably had less of. Not the same I know they are cuter smaller but how else to think.

I hate it all as well.

and you are not being unreasonable. you nearly l;ost one son and you want to draw the others closer. perfectly understandable.

You aren't being unreasonable at all. It is very understandable that you have bouts of really missing them. Head and heart don't always cross over.
My middle dc lives over 3 hours away and I don't see her that often, which is fine normally, when I know I could see her at any point, but this year, knowing that for much of the year either she, or we can't travel, or can't meet has been hard.

Plus the shock will be hitting you about the "what might have been" with your other ds's accident.

Thank you all , have had a little cry and ds3 helped decorate the tree. The mad thing was that the accident was within sight of the house and he was going less than 25 mph it was just one of those freak things that probably a more experienced driver would have coped with . He only seems to have a bit of a sore knee but has a job where he is in his feet all day.

I think I am just worn out with the whole situation and ds1 pulling out of Cmas has just tipped me over .

It’s not that dh doesn’t care he’s just very matter of fact and I honestly think that after 9 months all in the house together we are starting to drive each other mad. He likes to be tidy, I am untidy etc Does anyone else feel they have lost their privacy?

I'd travel the 2 hours with DS3 to go see DS1 tbh.

Your husband is punishing your son for an accident? That's not fair really is it, I'm assuming he's perfect 🤔

Does anyone else feel they have lost their privacy?

Yup
I know I shouldn't moan as we are in a very priviliged position really - both still have jobs, neother furloughed. Our dc are grown so we didn't have all that wrangling in the Summer trying to home school and entertain little ones. We even have enough room in our house to settle into separate rooms to work and not disturb each other, but there's still a small part of me that wants him to go away particularly on my day off and let me do what I wnat, when I want, without feeling anyone else is noticing

That’s exactly it Backforgood, I love him dearly but he can be a bit holier than though and is used to being right ( partly his job and partly he usually is ) just at the moment I feel like strangling him he is do bloody measured and reasonable when I just feel like having a tantrum about the whole thing 😂

Why can't you see DS1?

Really sorry to hear about your son's accident and so pleased to hear he came away fine. Poor thing.

You are very definitely not BU Peaseblossom22. We live in NL and were due to go to London to see DSS1+partner and DS1, 25 and 21 respectively. We had booked an AirBnB in Central London, and had super dinner in a swish restaurant booked for Christmas Eve, meat ordered from the butcher for Christmas Day, presents bought, outdoor meet-ups planned with old old friends........but we've just gone into strict lockdown. We could have just gone "sod it" and boarded our flights anyway, but it would have been the wrong thing to do, and the risky thing to do.

We'd already told our elderly parents that we weren't going to risk seeing them, so we'd tried to be so careful about what we were planning. But all to no avail.

I've had at least 3 little cries when no one's been looking. I haven't seen DS1since June when he came home for his birthday, and I just want to give him a big hug. He had an accident in his car a month ago - another "nearly could have killed him" as his wheel came off when he was going 70-80mph. Walked away without a scratch on him.

In many ways like you, we've kept our jobs, we've had plenty of space to work at home (although DH and his little "what are we having for lunch?" will be the death of him one of these days) and we know we're so lucky compared to others this Christmas, and this year.

I think I'll suggest to DH that we make a donation to the food bank from all the money we saved from the cancelled butcher's order. I let him organise it, and ye Gods, he certainly didn't hold back considering we were only planning to be there for 5 days. I feel a little better already thinking of that.

So going to put my big girl pants on, stiffen the upper lip and make the best of having a Christmas at home with DH. And hope that 2021 will be better and we'll see everyone soon.

You're not being unreasonable it is very sad parents can't see DC or Grandparents.
I feel desperately sorry for all those in hospital or care homes, those living alone.
You're entitled to be sad it is horrible.
I'm glad no physical harm came to DS3.

Ds1 is Tier 3 if he came back here he would need to stay overnight , my mother is on her own and in our bubble so that means even if she didn’t come on Xmas day ds1 still feels it’s a risk .Likewise his other grandparents that he adores. Going to his girlfriends parents is easier and actually if things were normal he might be doing that because he’s 27 ! But this year it just feels like the final straw . Might suggest we meet for a walk somewhere but what I really want is to give him a hug, sit on the sofa and watch TV , play cards and generally spend relaxed time together and that’s just not possible without taking risks.

Glad ds3 is ok

And you are not being unreasonable

Ds1 and partner are coming here for Christmas and id be upset if he wasn’t (I wouldn’t let him know...partner rang yesterday because there is a small change to Christmas eve plans and they know how much i love Christmas eve with them, he obviously drew the short straw)