AIBU? Pregnant so being cautious

[Mazzatron]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant and have had 2 miscarriages in the past 18 months. It's not ideal to TTC in a global pandemic but I'm 38 so couldn't wait.

I'm being careful and basically keeping social contact to an absolute minimum. I'm seeing my parents on Christmas Day (they invited me and hubby) but I asked them not to see my brother for a week beforehand because I know his kids who are late teens / early 20s are partying as usual and not following the guidance. So I'm concerned about asymptomatic spread from them. I'm concerned for myself and my parents but have come to learn they are happy to take risks and won't be advised otherwise. I can only control what I do.

Today I found out they agreed to go to his house for a buffet 2 days before we meet up. I asked them not to go and to meet up with them in the days after Xmas which they agreed to (again). The whole thing has really stressed me out. I don't want to feel stressed but I'm disappointed no one else in my family seems to take it seriously and I feel as though they think I'm being OTT.

🙁

YABU. I was working frontline with COVID patients until around 20 weeks until I couldn’t hide my bump anymore.

You can’t control what your family do.
If you feel uncomfortable, don’t see them but don’t expect them not to see the rest of their family just because you’re pregnant.

I’m 34 weeks pregnant and stressed about the arrangements for Christmas too, I’m having a c section 2 weeks later and obviously don’t want to have Covid for that! I’ve just come to terms with the fact that I can only control what I do myself, I do talk to my family to try and make them consider safety but at the end of the day it’s their decision. Sounds like your parents are being reasonable in changing their plans though. Have you read the advice from WHO and RCM? It’s all very reassuring about the risks to pregnancy from Covid.

You can only control how you respond to it, I think it’s unfair to expect your parents to not see their grandchildren at Christmas.

If you’re not comfortable, that’s fine but I think you should make other plans.

@Chocolate1992 I don't expect them not to see the rest of the family, I just asked them to see us first, then the family members that are less vulnerable and happily not following guidance.

I am also a front line NHS worker and will be patient facing until 28 weeks as per the guidance. I actually feel safer at work because social distancing is strict and everyone wears a mask and visor. I don't expect my family to do that.

If I were you, I wouldn’t be seeing them. What you’ve said in your post is exactly what you should tell your family. For one day it’s not worth the risk to you or your child. There will be more Christmas’s.

I sympathise with your worries as I’m pregnant too. I do agree, you can’t control what others do, but you can control your own risk factors a lot. You can also ask would they mind taking extra precautions around you like wearing a mask or else you could just see them out doors with distancing. I completely understand though I have family members the same. For me being a particularly high risk pregnancy this time around again I personally am limiting who I spend time with and following the guidelines as best I can. I think social distancing hand washing and mask wearing goes a long way in keeping us safe and most people understand if it’s a thing you are being extra careful. I don’t think you are unreasonable to worry but I don’t think you can tell your family not to see others. It’s a scary time, and you should do whatever you feel comfortable with. If you will be very uncomfortable going you shouldn’t feel bad either seeing them in a different setting or just cancel if you need to.

Every seems to think I've asked my parents not to see the rest of their family. I have asked them to see us first and separately, that's all.

*everyone

Thank you @AnneTwackie I did read the guidance some time ago but I will revisit it now I think.

Good luck with your C-section and navigating Christmas safely.

I’m pregnant too but I can’t say that I’m too fussed.

Completely understandable that you’re worried. It’s fine for you to have asked your parents to see you first, that would be sensible. But seeing as they aren’t willing to do this the choice is now on your yo decide to still see them or not. I was pregnant earlier in the pandemic (baby born in summer), and personally I wouldn’t have taken the risk, knowing that your parents are seeing there who aren’t following the rules. Your baby comes first and you should keep it safe.

I mean the guidance from the WHO says pregnant women, especially older pregnant women (I am 38) are at increased risk of getting severe illness requiring intensive care.

They clearly aren’t happy to wait until after they’ve seen you to see your brother. Could you meet them on the 23rd instead? Then they can see others afterwards...

But if I was you, I’d just be spending this year with husband. It seems the best option.

I think the main take aways from the limited evidence are that we have no greater chance of catching it or of dying but we are more likely to be hospitalised particularly in the final trimester. But as previous posters have said, you should do what you feel you need to do to keep you and your baby safe. I have teenage children and am working in a high risk job until the end of the week so the added risk of also seeing my parents on Xmas day is not a big jump. It’s a personal decision.

It's fine that you want to be careful but you really can't expect them to avoid your brother to accommodate you.

Why don't you see them at the start of the Christmas mixing period and spend Christmas day at home instead?

I’m 24 weeks and I think YABU. You clearly said in your OP but I asked them not to see my brother for a week beforehand and then in your next message said that you haven’t asked your parents not to see the rest of the family?

Yes @Dinosaur19 i asked them not to see my brother before Xmas day and to see us first and then see my brother on Boxing Day or 27th / 28th. So I haven't asked them not to see him at all, just asked to see us first.

Ok I'm getting the vibes that I'm being unreasonable by asking them to take that particular precaution and should decline their invitation to Christmas Day.

Cheers everyone

I don't think you're being unreasonabl, just cautious. But then, I'm in the situation where my MIL wouldn't agree to visit us outdoors only (mainly to see outlr kids, her grandkids) in the 1st half of December (we've not seen each other since the summer due to distance and various local lockdowns and restrictions) because she needs to isolate to ahead of her son (my BIL) and his partner having a baby at the end of Dec as MIL is providing childcare for their eldest.... To me that is really OTT especially as she has been bubbled with her other adult child and family to provide childcare for their toddler for months.