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Social distanced visits at Christmas with children l.

1 reply

KMBM107 · 16/12/2020 08:45

Hi everyone

Sorry this is is a long one.
So like everyone the whole what to do over Xmas has caused much discussion amongst our family.

We are a family of 4 - DH working from home, 4 year old at preschool, 7 year old and me, I teach Pt at an fe college.

We have a childcare bubble now with my parents - 65 and 63 both relatively healthy. The kids have been to my parents once a week, one afternoon from 1 for the 4 year old and one school
Pick up for 7 year old. This is where it was just impossible for both me and Dh to work. My parents begged for me to allow this to happen. Pre covid they had 4 year old 3 from 1pm-5pm 3 days a week and picked up 7 year old from school on these days. They have actively looked after both children since they were born.

We have not seen husbands family since a garden visit in the summer. Husbands parents are both 65, healthy and we were due to see them and his brothers and family this Xmas. That has now been cancelled. My husband in particular has found it hard to understand how his parents have been different - 1 set desperate to see the kids and 1 that actually said they would be happy to wait until they are vaccinated. Thats going to be a year later.
I guess I respect there wishes but am sad.

Since my parents are in childcare bubble we will probably see them on Xmas day.

I have now stopped working on campus - last day 11th Dec - with my working pattern I was in contact with very few students even in my last week. We pulled out my 4 year old on the 11th. We have food shops online. We have done Xmas activities A father Xmas meet before the 11th. Apart from my 7 year who we have kept in school. We will be seeing no one, having no contacts except my parents on Xmas day. My parents have also said they will not see anyone and since my mum has not set foot in a shop since lockdown 1 I know she will stick to it.

So, with this context how do we now manage visits with husbands family - they want to do social distance door step drops. One brother said Xmas Eve. My 7 year olds birthday happened in April and we had my parents give her presents through the window - she was so sad, not knowing at the time I said to her don’t worry that’s the only time we would have to do that (how wrong I was) Through lockdown 1 she really struggled - sleeping problems, bed wetting. We had distanced outdoor visits with family members over the summer and since no school she was ok with distanced visits. Since she has been back to school in September and the creation of childcare bubble we have kept things to contact with my parents and school, swimming lessons. We tried a park meet before lockdown 2 with brother in law and his baby but she struggled again with distance and it just felt like we were telling her constantly keep your distance.

I said to in laws, could we meet later in Xmas holidays around 28th/29th by that point my 7 year old would have been out of school for 2 weeks, me and younger daughter 3 weeks. We could still meet outside (keeping within rules) but would ask not to have to keep telling kids to keep a distance. Adults would. If they want a brief cuddle then we would like that. However, Other family members have now said we need to stop pressurising husbands parents and just do a door stop social distance meet on Xmas eve or even Xmas day. I don’t want that for my children. I feel no one is thinking about the impact of this on my children. They are sensitive and have had other contact with others. They just don’t understand. Do you think I should stick to my ground or allow a social distance meet?

OP posts:
LooneyLovefood · 16/12/2020 08:54

For a while now we've said whenever we've met anyone that the adults keep their distance but the kids don't have to. It's been way too hard keeping a 2 year old constantly 2m away from the people he loves.
So over Christmas what we're doing is having my parents round for 1 hour on Christmas Day morning and my PILs round for 1 hour in the afternoon. DH and I will SD from them but DS doesn't have to. We're not comfortable doing the whole 3 households properly mixing for 5 days but we're comfortable with an hour of socially distanced meeting indoors.
For everyone else we're either doing doorstep drops or meeting them in a park so we actually get to spend time with them while staying within the rules. It feels like a good compromise for us, still within the rules but not going wild with the relaxations over Christmas.

Ive said all through this year that you need to go at the pace of the person most uncomfortable - that's often been me. You can't rush someone into doing something that they see as unsafe or too much, despite you not seeing it that way. It's all about open conversations to find the best solution for everyone involved, keeping in mind that for some people that may be seeing absolutely no one.

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