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Original poster

Would it be really mean of me to refuse to see parents because it’s not worth the risk?

26 replies

TeapotCollection · 15/12/2020 13:22

Just read that the British Medical Journal and the Health Service Journal have issued only their second joint editorial in 100 years saying that the 5 day relaxation of restrictions will “cost many lives”

I don’t want to end up having to live with the consequences if something happens to one of them, but I just know I’m going to be pressured to have them round for Christmas Day dinner

Am I being ridiculous here?

OP posts:
IrenetheQuaint · 15/12/2020 13:28

Well, it depends on how likely you or other members of your household are to have caught Covid. Do you work in a public-facing job? Do you have kids at school? Ate cases in your area high? Etc.

TheDailyCarbuncle · 15/12/2020 13:30

I suppose you have to balance against living with the consequences of not seeing them. If one of them doesn't make it to next Christmas (hopefully not the case) will you be bothered that you missed their last Christmas? (genuine question as I don't see my parents for Christmas as they live in a different country so it wouldn't really bother me).

Original poster
TeapotCollection · 15/12/2020 13:34

We normally go away so if that was allowed we wouldn’t be seeing them anyway

To be fair we don’t mix with people at work and are child free

Main thing that’s bothering me (sorry, should have put in OP) is that my otherwise lovely MIL hasn’t stopped seeing her 2 friends throughout and of course we have no way of knowing what the friends have been doing

OP posts:
halcyondays · 15/12/2020 13:34

You’d feel worse if one of them didn’t make it to next Christmas because they caught Covid at your Christmas dinner.

Original poster
TeapotCollection · 15/12/2020 13:35

Cases are high here, we’re in Tier3 and I’ll eat my hat if that changes tomorrow

OP posts:
Jessuk86 · 15/12/2020 13:36

I think my parents are choosing not to come or may just come for a bit in the evening as we will open up our bifolds and toast marshmallows on the chimnea it’s really rubbish but my mum had a heart stent a few years ago and she’s very paranoid about it all! I said I’ll throw a party once they are vaccinated as they are still quite far down the list so hopefully by that point larger gathering will be allowed x

HopeAndDriftWood · 15/12/2020 13:37

We’ve done the same. They’re not happy, but it makes no sense to risk giving it to them and it becoming their last Christmas... they’ve accepted it now, I think. Or realised we’re not going to relent, at least!

Beebumble2 · 15/12/2020 13:39

I would go with your own assessment, bearing in mind that you could take the virus to them.
It’s worth considering that many Grandparents have ACs and GCs living abroad and Christmas is often celebrated over Zoom or other technology. Perhaps that is the answer for you.

yeOldeTrout · 15/12/2020 13:40

I thought you were worried about giving it to them, not you getting it from them. Which is it?

I don't think there is a moral high ground (much less an important moral high ground) in only doing the thing that seems most likely to stop virus spread. Personally I am comfortable taking risks in life but maybe that would be too uncomfortable for you. We can't decide for you.

minipie · 15/12/2020 13:43

I’m debating this as well although it’s my ILs not my parents so for them to decide with DH really.

I am considering suggesting they come for NYE instead (and have the roast etc then) as we have school kids. NYE allows for a good window of seeing nobody beforehand.

Bigoldmachine · 15/12/2020 13:50

We are staying away. Which hasn’t been popular with family but they are all already mixing with in total about 7 or 8 households, indoors, not distanced, just bloody ridiculous. So am happy to be the unpopular one because I feel the risk is enormous. Not to us personally. But if everyone did that, the virus would rip through the population, hospitals would be overwhelmed, everything would just fall to pieces.

I like @Jessuk86 ‘s idea, I think that sounds lovely and a good compromise. Can you plan a mulled wine in the garden by a fire or something?

Original poster
TeapotCollection · 15/12/2020 13:51

I’m worried about any of us giving it to any one of the others, 3 different households which of course is allowed but just because it’s allowed doesn’t mean it has to happen

OP posts:
Original poster
TeapotCollection · 15/12/2020 13:53

Neither of our parents would agree to an outside gathering, shame because I agree it’s a good idea

OP posts:
HairyToity · 15/12/2020 13:59

My parents are insistent we have lunch with them and my nanna Christmas day. We'll be three generations. My primary school children will be off school after tomorrow (Wales), and we've decided to join them. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. We will only mix on the one day though, and I think we'd be unlucky if one of is brewing covid.

Madcats · 15/12/2020 14:05

We're arranging a get-together in late Feb/Easter when there is more daylight and hopefully the oldies will have had their vaccines.

We'd just be grumpy and tired after a 4 hour drive on busy motorways (likely to be dark and wet) and think it is easier to see nobody, rather than risk offending someone.

Teen daughter will be happy sleeping in and having more scope to do what she fancies.

We're pleased we discussed this weeks ago, rather than 10 days before.

Butterymuffin · 15/12/2020 14:07

If you don't normally have them for Christmas, it seems odd to do it when the risk is higher than usual. Though I guess that's also why they are thinking it gives them an opportunity they don't normally have.
Do you plan to have children and / or to not go away for Christmas in the future? DH and I had Christmases alone pre-kids but accepted that after that the grandparents would want to be there.

shinynewapple2020 · 15/12/2020 14:29

If they are asking to come then I would probably see them at some point over Christmas but not necessarily for a sit down dinner and not both sets at once .

It sounds as if the risk of you and your partner being a risk of passing it on is very low if you aren't mixing with other people . It's not so relevant what tier the area you live in is if you are not actually out and mixing in the community .

Can you maybe invite them for a light lunch / tea , one set Christmas Day and one set Boxing Day , then plate up some finger food for them and sit at opposite sides of the room ?

Original poster
TeapotCollection · 15/12/2020 14:36

We’re too old to have kids 😃 and definitely don’t plan on giving up our Christmas away in future

You’ve probably got something there, they might well be thinking it’s a chance they don’t normally get. I agree totally with halcyondays though, that’s exactly what I’m worried about - that or one of us getting it off them

I know a fair few people who have had COVID and it really is evil

OP posts:
Original poster
TeapotCollection · 15/12/2020 14:38

Shiny the problem with that idea is that we’d have to have my dad on Christmas Day because he’s on his own and PIL would flip at us having him and not them

OP posts:
shinynewapple2020 · 15/12/2020 15:58

@TeapotCollection

Shiny the problem with that idea is that we’d have to have my dad on Christmas Day because he’s on his own and PIL would flip at us having him and not them
Ha - I even thought you may say this when I posted the idea . Maybe see one on Christmas Eve and the other Boxing Day then ! And spend Christmas Day by yourself . But if you are going to do it then try to see your dad first .

We'll be seeing my son and his girlfriend during the evening on Christmas Day as they are going to her family for lunch . I really wish we were seeing them first as I don't think her family are very good at adhering to restrictions. We will sit spaces out anyway with the window open .

cologne4711 · 15/12/2020 17:31

@halcyondays

You’d feel worse if one of them didn’t make it to next Christmas because they caught Covid at your Christmas dinner.
Which you could never prove. I do wish people would stop making comments like this.
cologne4711 · 15/12/2020 17:32

We'd just be grumpy and tired after a 4 hour drive on busy motorways (likely to be dark and wet) and think it is easier to see nobody, rather than risk offending someone

This seems like a very good reason at any Christmas, not just because of covid. But on MN a 7 hour journey is absolutely fine so you're a complete wimp if you don't want to do 4!

JanetSnakeholeMacklin · 15/12/2020 17:37

No, it wouldn't be mean to not see them, it would be sensible. I wish more people would opt out of seeing their family this year.

alreadytaken · 15/12/2020 17:40

If cases are high where you are then it makes sense to see as few people as possible until cases drop. If people want to play let's suppose - suppose one of them needs medical care in January and no beds are available because of the tier 3 mixers? Or they get a bed but catch covid from another patient when there? Everyone mixing in tier 3 is potentially depriving someone of much needed hospital care.

Covid-19 is a really nasty disease and the more its studied the more people realise there are long term effects.

Sallycinnamum · 15/12/2020 17:52

We are in a high risk area in London and are not seeing my elderly parents. This was their choice as they feel the risk is too high.

Most of the kids in my DS' secondary school who tested positive were asymptomatic and I just couldn't live with myself if they caught covid from us.

On the radio today a virologist was saying something along the lines of a heated house with school age children and no adequate ventilation is the worst scenario for elderly and vulnerable people (presuming covid is present of course).

Our local NHS trust is preparing for absolute carnage early week of January.