Anyone else with family pressure to break the Christmas rules?

[Lumene]

Family have already formed a three household bubble which they will go ahead with anyway. They are saying we should just join in as well (making 4).

I don’t want to break the bubble rules, but the already arranged bubblers don’t seem to understand this and think I am being unreasonable and it’s my own fault I’m missing out in meeting up for Christmas. Apparently as I’m not the last person to meet up and we are all meeting separately, that’s OK because there’s no additional risk to our household.

My view is that it’s not just about individual risk it’s about collective risk, and the easing of restrictions is already unwise in any case.

We have no other family or close friends to see, so sticking to the rules means not seeing anyone else over Christmas, as we are tier 3. It also means close family won’t be able to see us unless I say ok and break the rules.

I feel terrible and it also impacts other people in my household (who are ok with it but would probably make a different decision.

Am I being unreasonable?

We have stuck to all the rules so far, but my family Christmas bubble is my parents, brother plus partner, sister plus partner and child, and me, so 4 households. No way is someone going to be left out to spend Christmas on their own.

My husband is spending Christmas with his family so we're not mixing two bubbles at least - but his will be 4 households too.

Thanks Dinosaur. I don’t judge anyone else who is choosing to stretch the rules, but equally personally I don’t feel comfortable doing it.

Stick to your guns.

The amount of experts saying don’t meet up and worried about the consequences says to me for one year it just isn’t worth it

Thanks Sirzy. One of the people in the three people bubble is extremely clinically vulnerable so I feel nervous about that for them as they are very close family.

But I also understand you never know how many Christmases you might have left so you need to make your own decision about what is the right risk balance for you.

Three household, sorry.

We've got pressure here to break the rules by an incredibly vulnerable family member (not elderly at all just covid vulnerable). I've said I dont care what others are doing we wont be doing it as I have too many NHS friends and family members who I've seen work so so hard this year, I want to do the right thing by them which has ended up with us seeing no one.

However I would personally work out your families risk? If you have 3 DC in secondary school in a tier 3 I wouldnt go near family but if i was in a low numbers area and we all worked from home, havent been to the shops etc and all other family I'd be seeing were in a similar boat then I'd consider it more. I'm a rule follower on the whole but I'm struggling now hence I'd work out our risk factors as a whole

Depends what you actually want to do

I think the three family bubble is almost impossible for most families to stick to - couples hopefully don't share the same parents. I also think the government are fully aware of this and know there will be bending of the rules left, right and centre. I'd go but it's a decision for you and your immediate family. It's them you need to talk to - put it to the vote maybe?

I've been pressured into breaking the rules. I'd rather give the family meet up a miss this year.

I think any deaths in January are a real shame with the vaccine being so close. Accept for advancing dementia/very old age or end of life, I don't see the need to risk CV relatives.

I also think that the schools should be off for an additional week to allow for others breaking the rules.

Thanks Northern and Lamentations.

I agree the government has put people in a horrible situation and it is really difficult for everyone.

We have spoken to our family, and they have already made their choice, we don’t get the option of a vote to change things - their view is they have all made arrangements to meet up which they won’t change whatever we do. So they have made a bubble of three households. There will be several members of that bubble with secondary school children, some of who will see the clinically vulnerable person. This will happen anyway regardless of what we do. It would be within the rules unless we join.

We have two people going out to work every week day in fairly high risk environments due to the nature of their role but no secondary school children. If we joined the existing bubble network, we would see two of the other households, including the clinically vulnerable person.

I would love to see family but just feel wrong breaking the rules. It also seems a bit silly to risk meeting now when the most vulnerable person will be near the top of the queue for the vaccine due to their age, but that is their choice and I understand wanting to celebrate Christmas together.

I guess I am ok with spending Christmas this year as just us, but feel sad that arrangements were made without asking us, annoyed that we are under pressure to break the guidelines, and scared that there is a risk everyone else getting together this year might mean not everyone is around for future Christmases when we hopefully can all get together.

It’s a difficult situation for everyone this year.

Panoka7 sorry you have been pressured. I 100% agree about schools.

@lumene it's very unfair to put pressure on you. If you're not happy to break the rules that should be accepted and appreciated.

It's so tough as to me its just one year and just one Christmas. I cant see the point of risking it and will have Christmas with family when the at risk are vaccinated.

I dont actually envy the government making the decision as they knew some people will do whatever they want no matter what. I think a 2 household limit would have been perfect just on xmas day or maybe xmas eve to boxing day to allow for travel

Thanks Northern, I appreciate that. It’s a really tough year with no ‘great’ option for anyone to choose, even the government!

I agree with you on it being just one year, though I can also understand why those a few decades older might have a different view of the value of seizing the year that’s here right now.

I also think that if you are going to decide to break the rules anyway, why the hell do it just before the worst time for the NHS in Jan and Feb and at the same time as everyone else?!?

Might as well break them at a different time when you might actually get hospital care if you get really sick with COVID, surely?

I get so cross that people just don’t seem to get it. We’ve had pressure from family and we are staying firm because they’re already indoors socialising with way to many people! They say “oh we’ve all bubbled together”. That’s not a thing! You can’t just decide to bubble all the time for no reason other than you miss your family! Everyone bloody does.

So there are 5 households (as they see it) “bubbled” together. But each has two people who go out to work in it. A total of 6 kids across 2 schools / nurseries. 1 young adult who also sees her boyfriend. Kids are allowed to see one friend each. So the number of contacts is absolutely enormous.

I really really hope there are enough people erring on the side of caution to avert disaster . I’d quite like to keep my job and if things keep getting forced to shut I will not.

If I had a car accident or cancer or a stroke I’d quite like there to be enough medical staff available to help me.

People need to stop thinking on an individual level and see the bigger picture!!!

Thanks bigoldmachine. Sorry you feel pressure too.