WWYD: DH in London on Friday...

[umpteennamechanges]

I don't generally like to tell DH what he should or shouldn't do because I'm not his parent.

But I am starting to feel a bit uncomfortable about his plans on Friday.

He has been part of a business coaching programme for the past six months. Once a month they (about 20-30 people) meet up face to face for a full day in a hotel in London with the coach. These 20-30 people come from all over the UK. DH uses public transport to get there and back (train and tube).

This is permitted under the Tier 3 rules as it is "work".

I haven't been overly keen, especially last month as rates were rising but kept it to myself and just told him to be extra careful.

I'm not CEV however I am more vulnerable than average (in the free flu jab kind of category).

This month I'm feeling particularly antsy - I actually think the coach is being irresponsible to bring 20-30 people together from all over the UK in a Tier 3 place before sending them all back to (in many cases) spend Christmas with parents (50-70s) and grandparents.

We are planning to spend Christmas with DH's parents who are 79 & 71.

I know DH dearly wants to go. The coach would run through things with him on the phone/Zoom if he didn't but it wouldn't be anywhere near the full day of content that he really wants and needs for his business.

On the other hand I'm cheesed off at the coach for putting each of them in the situation where they have to make this choice rather than doing the whole thing online for all.

Like I said, I very rarely 'put my foot down' but am close to it on this one...WWYD?

Will it be allowed now London is Tier 3?

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Will it be allowed now London is Tier 3?

I had a look and Tier 3 rules seem to suggest that hotels can continue to host "work" and "educational" events.

In fact, it even went ahead in November's lockdown as a "work" event so I can't see them cancelling for Tier 3.

If it was me, this would be one of those foot down times. Good luck.

I think with cases rising as quickly as they are this wouldn’t be wise. Plus proximity to Christmas mixing.

Just because it’s for work doesn’t mean it’s sensible to have 30 people together (mask less?) and indoors for an entire day. I’m sure it can be done online and it’s irresponsible of the coach I think!

I wouldn’t be happy OP. This comes in the ‘Just because you can do it it doesn’t mean you should’ category.

Why can't they just do it on zoom/teams?

I agree the coach is being irresponsible, on the face of it at least. However, if I really wanted to go to an important work event that I couldn’t access in any other way, my spouse wouldn’t be getting the option to put their foot down.

@Squigglypig2

Why can't they just do it on zoom/teams?

I totally agree. The answer is simply because the coach doesn't want to and I think the coach is being an irresponsible dick

I've also just thought about the fact that we had a 66 year old (overweight so also higher risk) lodger move in on Sunday and I think it's unfair to put her in that situation too. She could be very ill if he brought COVID home.

Silly question but if he social distances, wears a mask throughout and uses sanitizer etc regularly, is he really at that much risk?

I’m not in the UK but I’ve been to a few work events recently and they/I’ve just done the above - chairs are spaced 2m+ apart, no seated lunches etc and I’ve felt no more at risk than I am doing the weekly supermarket shop.

Good grief, I'm amazed this gathering would still take place. Seems very unnecessary and irresponsible. I wouldn't be happy about him going, either.

🦶🏻 🦶🏻 🦶🏻

Ask him why he thinks going into a T3 area on public transport to sit in a room full of people all day, is an acceptable thing to do when he has you, the lodger & his parents to consider?

The organiser is an idiot. One wonders how much he could possibly be teaching them?!

30 people meeting up in London after travelling on public transport? That's basically what's happening in every classroom in every school.
Teachers are sitting ducks.

My DH got a positive test today - he has no symptoms, has been working from home since March and went to the office last Monday for meetings and he said they "socially distanced, wore a mask, sanitised hands etc" and he still got it. We only found out because our county council have asked for those families with secondary school children to have a test even if no symptoms.

I'd be putting my foot down

I wouldn’t ‘put my foot down’. It’s his decision ultimately.

I wouldn’t be seeing elderly parents inside within the next 14 days though. That would be irresponsible and selfish.

You don't get to put your foot down, any more than he gets to with you. I trust he doesn't tell you where you can go?

Express your concerns to him, but ultimately the choice is his. Do keep in mind that the vast majority of people that commute for work every single day still have not caught the virus.

Is it even his decision? Work can tell him he has to go. But I would also be thinking about Christmas plan, I wouldn’t be meeting up with other households if he is doing this on Friday, so close to Christmas

I wouldn't be bothered.

I live in a non-London Tier 3 area that hasn't been out of the highest restrictions for a loonnggg time though, and work in a secondary school, so I'm probably a bit meh.

It may be his decision but if you count up the number of people he could be putting at risk... does it become less of his decision. To use business speak, aren't you all "stakeholders" in this enterprise? Just to add that you could check with the venue about what they do to conform to social distancing. If they don't have a clear plan. that's an extra thing to factor in. You could even try asking DH to ask the coach to confirm the social distancing.

It's not great, but as it's deemed to be work related, you might have to suck it up. School staff and others have to work with no or little social distancing, frowned upon if they wear visors or masks. Even though there's PPE, medical staff can't refuse to work with someone who has a strong possibility of having Covid. Retail staff on minimal pay have to cope with those that won't wear masks and won't distance.

It’s not essential to doing his job though. That’s the difference. No it’s completely unfair about teachers and retail workers i agree. But is that relevant here?

Have put my foot down.

DH is a bit unhappy (generally, not with me specifically) at not being able to go because it’s important to him and everyone else is going.

On the other hand we are just about to watch the British Strongman Qualifiers on Channel 5 that includes his friend Aaron who died from COVID age 33 about 3 weeks ago. It’s the last thing he competed in and his funeral was today.

Fun times.

@starfish4

It's not great, but as it's deemed to be work related, you might have to suck it up. School staff and others have to work with no or little social distancing, frowned upon if they wear visors or masks. Even though there's PPE, medical staff can't refuse to work with someone who has a strong possibility of having Covid. Retail staff on minimal pay have to cope with those that won't wear masks and won't distance.

It's not actually 'for work' though. He is self-employed and his own boss!

@Hayeahnobut

You don't get to put your foot down, any more than he gets to with you. I trust he doesn't tell you where you can go?

Express your concerns to him, but ultimately the choice is his. Do keep in mind that the vast majority of people that commute for work every single day still have not caught the virus.

I realise that.

"Putting my foot down" means I'll express my concerns to him and that I feel serious enough about it that there will be consequences if he does something else.

Not because I am 'punishing him' but because actions have consequences.

So he may have to move into the Travellodge around the corner for 7 days (which we can't afford) for example.

I am an adult and also expect that there could be (very rarely) things that DH feels so strongly about that he would express serious concerns and should I choose to ignore them there would be some kind of consequence to my actions.

This is adulting.

Anyway...it's a moot point because DH agreed (albeit slightly reluctantly which is a bit of cognitive dissonance that it 'won't happen to me' even though it was his 33 year old friend's funeral today from COVID!)

Glad he's agreed not to go

They'd have to be giving out 50 pound notes all day for that to be worth it.

Honestly what does this business coach really do that can't happen on Zoom. I mean it'll be talking won't it. You can talk on Zoom. Arrogant prick

If just one of those 30 people has it asymptomatically and they sit around in a room all day breathing on each other, using shared facilities and probably failing to social distance over the plates of vol au vents then there could be a big outbreak seeded to loads of places just from that one event.
That's exactly what happened in the first wave. That's how it came to Europe in the first place.

It's utterly irresponsible and should be cancelled. This kind of stuff can surely wait a few months for the vaccine and then they can all go back to pushing up the carbon footprint with their 'business events'