A measured response would be good.

[MrsKingfisher]

I'm told I'm paranoid, I don't think I am I am cautious but not an idiot.

My dad is classed as vulnerable (although he'd tell you otherwise!) he has had a supermarket shop every week since lockdown, he lives fairly rural so every day goes for a walk to keep healthy and doesn't see anyone else.

He's great on zoom and I have been saying hello from the garden whilst he's in the kitchen once a week when we were allowed, I haven't hugged him since March, I don't have a cup of tea I just stand in the garden probably 12 ft from the open patio door.

I am so conscious of giving my dad anything perhaps I'm being over zealous. A friend and I are planning to meet up outside to walk, she has a toddler and I cannot wait to see them she is more like a sister.

Anyway, she suffers from depression and lockdown etc like many people has had a negative effect on her mental health, so to counteract this she goes on walks at the weekend with other friends of hers, my issue is everyone is cuddling her little one who also goes to nursery 3 days a week.

I've been asked to have her child overnight which I am happy to do, I love the bones off him and he's such a happy chap. My issue is, the close contact. We are meant to be part of her childcare bubble as she is a single parent working full time and we help where we can.

The problem is that whilst going to meet others outside is fine, others giving the child cuddles is not. It's making me a bit anxious worrying about him passing something to me and then me to my dad as we are planning to spend Christmas with him as he is on his own.

She says I'm paranoid I say I'm cautious.

Can anyone give me a measured response please? I'm not terrified of covid but I am very worried about potentially passing something to my dad after we have all been so cautious.

I know the rules, I know how hard it is for people. Am I being a bit OTT?

Are you in England?

Yes UK

I think everyone has their own level of comfort when it comes to Covid and it sounds like you are very cautious but understandable when wanting to spend Christmas with your vulnerable dad.

To give you a measured response. Both me and my partner are ECV. We have 2 children, one in school and one in nursery 3 days per week. We’re still meeting friends for lunch etc (outside, not in anyone’s houses), still going out to indoor places as a household, children still going to the sports classes etc. And we live in an area with v high cases currently.
But all that being said, you’ll only feel happy when you are within your own risk level, so if you aren’t comfortable with babysitting your friend should understand x

Where in the UK? I’m asking because in England children have to social distance. I think you’re being quite sensible, your dad is vulnerable and you shouldn’t be taking additional risks. It’s very nice of you to help out and be her childcare bubble but I would say to her you’re willing to do this if she sticks to the rules, which includes her toddler social distancing from others. Otherwise she can find a different childcare bubble who doesn’t have vulnerable relatives and isn’t worried.

I've spoken to her about the contact with others, I've told her over and over you can't just bubble with whoever! I really want to see them and I want to give him the biggest squeeze which had she kept to her side of the bargain and kept him distanced from others I could've done.

I think I'm going to have to say no, which I feel awful about but dad has to come first I just want to make sure I'm not being a tin hatter!

Can you do it and then isolate afterwards before seeing your Dad?

@MarahCarey

Can you do it and then isolate afterwards before seeing your Dad?

It's not enough time to isolate it's just a few days prior.

You're being sensible. It's not tin hat at all to worry about passing on an illness which is dangerous to older people.

We're not seeing our parents this year for Christmas, as we have a child at nursery and it's just not worth the risk.

She says I'm paranoid I say I'm cautious.

That’s because she wants you to look after her child and that’s her priority. Your priority is the health and well-being of your father.

Your father’s life is more important.

@Zem74

I think everyone has their own level of comfort when it comes to Covid and it sounds like you are very cautious but understandable when wanting to spend Christmas with your vulnerable dad.

To give you a measured response. Both me and my partner are ECV. We have 2 children, one in school and one in nursery 3 days per week. We’re still meeting friends for lunch etc (outside, not in anyone’s houses), still going out to indoor places as a household, children still going to the sports classes etc. And we live in an area with v high cases currently.
But all that being said, you’ll only feel happy when you are within your own risk level, so if you aren’t comfortable with babysitting your friend should understand x

Thank you, are your kids having cuddles with all the others that you meet outside?

I think we all need to get on with life as best as we can whilst being cautious but then there's the ones who are completely blasé which I feel my lovely friend can be. She understands about dad but she rolls her eyes and calls me paranoid. So it's making me wonder!

@FestiveChristmasLights

She says I'm paranoid I say I'm cautious.

That’s because she wants you to look after her child and that’s her priority. Your priority is the health and well-being of your father.

Your father’s life is more important.

Yes, this I know. I know she'll be a bit pissed off with me and I'll be happy to have him after Christmas but dad really is my priority at the moment. I can't bubble with him if I have her little one who's being all over the shop giving his lovely squishes.

@whatswithtodaytoday

You're being sensible. It's not tin hat at all to worry about passing on an illness which is dangerous to older people.

We're not seeing our parents this year for Christmas, as we have a child at nursery and it's just not worth the risk.

Dh and I don't have any children together so it's just us 3 for Christmas Day, dh will visit his dd in the evening and I will go back to waving at dad in the garden!

I'm so sorry you're unable to see your folks this year. I really feel for those who haven't had any contact and still can't see their loved ones.

As pp have said, you're not paranoid, you just have different perceptions of risk in your specific circumstances. I'm ECV,and better half works in NHS. We're a lot calmer than March,and do relatively lots more than then. But still not really seeing anyone by plan even outside. Seen child's godmother once since march for a walk,about a month ago. And widowed mother is isolating before coming to us for Christmas. It's incredibly personal, and if in rules, I don't think people should be judging others or slinging about names to others, like "paranoid"

For a measured response, do remember that even those in the vulnerable groups still have a very high chance that it would pass as a mild illness. Their risk is increased, but it's an increase to a minutely small risk.

In terms of the risk of you catching it because of the behaviour around the child, that is definitely there. I guess it depends whether the downside of her not having that contact outweighs the risk of having it. We all take numerous risks everyday.

Where is she going that she needs you to have child overnight?

FWIW, I am currently positive after having followed all guidelines absolutely to the letter, they were never intended to stop individuals getting it, just to slow the spread and protect the most vulnerable sufficiently to let the NHS cope with the cases that were still, always, expected.

I’m not stopping my 3 year old having cuddles with people when we see them outdoors. I’m not initiating it but I’m not telling her that she can’t if she goes for it; she wouldn’t understand and it’d be upsetting. I think if you’re going to look after him in your home then you’re going to have close contact with him and the risk is there from nursery anyway and that’s a bigger risk than brief cuddles with adults outside. Could you not have him overnight after Christmas? I think in your position being so worried about your dad I probably wouldn’t have him overnight

I've decided not to, he's very welcome afterwards though. Dad had heart surgery not that long ago, I think she forgets that because he folks her younger and very well. Dad is healthy but apparently at risk. He might have a mild case but I don't want to be the reason he finds out.

Isn't it the viral load you get that decides how badly you get it?

@MrsKingfisher no in all honestly I don’t really encourage them to cuddle even grandparents etc but I’m sure at nursery my youngest cuddles abs kisses the other children and they aren’t told to social distance at all. My other child will hold her friends hands on the way to school etc. Again lm vulnerable and careful as I can be re masks, sanitising mine and the children’s hands etc. But as a mum of young children you also don’t want to stop their natural instincts to be caring and loving to their friends so I let them be and just make sure their hands etc are clean

Like I said, everyone has to do what they are comfortable with, nobody is paranoid or over reacting in my eyes, everyone is just getting by the best that they can at the moment and doing what’s best for their families and loved ones if anyone makes you feel otherwise then they are in the wrong!

It's not enough time to isolate it's just a few days prior.

Oh, on that case I wouldn't do it. You have a very clear rationale for keeping extra safe. Your friend should understand.

You are being perfectly reasonable - protect your dad x

@HallFloor

For a measured response, do remember that even those in the vulnerable groups still have a very high chance that it would pass as a mild illness. Their risk is increased, but it's an increase to a minutely small risk.

In terms of the risk of you catching it because of the behaviour around the child, that is definitely there. I guess it depends whether the downside of her not having that contact outweighs the risk of having it. We all take numerous risks everyday.

Where is she going that she needs you to have child overnight?

FWIW, I am currently positive after having followed all guidelines absolutely to the letter, they were never intended to stop individuals getting it, just to slow the spread and protect the most vulnerable sufficiently to let the NHS cope with the cases that were still, always, expected.

I wish we had tried harder for zero covid, obviously it wouldn’t have been achieved in the true sense but we could be in a far better situation if we hadn’t ended lockdown early and spiralled our of control. I blame Boris/Cummings incompetence.

If I was you, protecting my dad would be my top priority and I'd do an overnight babysit after spending Christmas with him, not before.

I understand this may not suit your friend, but your concerns are perfectly reasonable and not at all overblown.

The worst case scenario if you refuse is that your friend is pissed off and you lose a bit of respect for her for being so bloody selfish and dismissive of your dads sacrifice since March. The worst case scenario if you do it is that you are stressed, you lose a little bit of respect for your friend for pressuring you you, and your vulnerable dad gets Covid.

Thanks everyone, we've spoken she understands and I'll help out after Christmas.