funerals. I'm a bit confused

[beatrixpotterspencil]

Wondering what you'd make of this, and if you know more about the rules, etc, some advice would be great.

In North West, covid levels down a bit but still way above average for UK.

Funeral for a parent, 20 allowed at service. 5 People travelling in funeral car to service (immediate family). Two of those are over 60 and have been on shielding list, one with heart condition and other with COPD and various other issues. One of the others is a nurse who has been in care homes which have suffered covid outbreaks.

Is this ok/advisable?
I have looked up the Gov 'rules' for funerals and it says anyone shielding should not travel with others outside of a bubble. The car will contain people from across a few households and workplaces.

Hope you can help, thanks!

Added info: the deceased was covid positive.
Two of the people in the car were with them at moment of passing, have not been told to have tests nor are interested in having one.

It depends how quickly you are having the funeral. If it is a while after the death those that were with the deceased person should know if they have it or not. I'm not sure it would be advisable for everyone to travel together though unless they are in the same household.

To be safe, I'd use different cars for the shielding and not shielding. To me that seems much more important than the pecking order of who goes in an official car.

If they don't have a car of their own and cost is an issue, can you ask a local exec taxi co. who may be less expensive than having a second official funeral car.

There is only one funeral car, it is a small family.
Those who have arranged the funeral are insisting on it and consider it rude not to travel in it.
My partner is one of the high risk and we are really uncomfortable with this.We could easily walk to the service.

No idea what to do without offending anyone.
Thanks for advice:)

Sorry for your loss. I would not be taking a risk and would walk to the funeral . We were not allowed even to sit together if in different households at a funeral so it would make sense not to sit all close together in a car .

Thank you, I had thought it was unusual for households to mix in one vehicle. I have checked the guidelines and they seem fairly flexible for funerals, but the vulnerable are strongly urged to travel alone or with own household only.

I'm not very familiar with the remaining family members and don't want to create a fuss. It's a tricky situation.
Most of them are acting as if there is no danger for those shielding, and one member of the group has even been exposed to covid in the past week so it all seems worrying!

You don't need a fancy car for a funeral.Just follow behind in your own or as you say walk. If anyone takes offence at such a clearly sensible solution, then let them.

At funerals you're supposed to have one household per limousine (if you're hiring them) and distance from other households during the service - the chairs will be set up as such.

Please stick to the rules.

My partner and many of his colleagues working at a funeral home caught covid, and one of them died, because people were refusing to stick to the rules at funerals, attending viewings and funerals when they're clearly ill, touching the coffin when they're asked not to, insisting on carrying etc even though distancing is impossible.

Ask them if they want to attend another family funeral fairly soon.

Seriously - extremely clinically vulnerable people should not be mingling with people outside their households, and the people they live with should be keeping others at arm’s length as well.

Oh - the fact the deceased died of Covid is not an infection risk to anyone attending the funeral.

Thanks for the honest opinions.

One member of the family, who would be in this shared vehicle, insists that she was told she didn't have to isolate or test after exposure in a hospital and bodily contact with the deceased.

This really confuses me, as I was told I would have to isolate if I had visited the hospital.

I fear she may be being dishonest, but am not prepared to mention that at a time like this. I can only be honest with myself about how I feel.

I have no idea how the company are happy to mix 3 household in one vehicle. I don't even know if they've been told we are not one household.

One way or another we won't be going in the vehicle, so I only hope it doesn't cause issues. Nobody should have to be uncomfortable but I do fear we will be judged.

Is being judged really your greatest concern in this situation?

There’s two ways you can approach this really. Either allow everyone to take their own decision and explain that you are being extra careful due to your partner’s vulnerability, or call the funeral directors and explain the situation and ask for advice.
It’s a very difficult one but if the church is walkable, I think you could do that.
I went to one funeral where all the funeral party walked behind the coffin, which was very moving and would be appropriate if it is only a short distance.

@Porcupineinwaiting

Is being judged really your greatest concern in this situation?

Im quite sure nobody likes the idea of being judged to be rude at a funeral. I'd say that was quite natural a thing to fear, and to not wish to upset anyone. In reply to your quite obviously goady question, my main priority is the safety of the two vulnerable people who have been told to share the vehicle with different households.

@FPS123

There’s two ways you can approach this really. Either allow everyone to take their own decision and explain that you are being extra careful due to your partner’s vulnerability, or call the funeral directors and explain the situation and ask for advice. It’s a very difficult one but if the church is walkable, I think you could do that. I went to one funeral where all the funeral party walked behind the coffin, which was very moving and would be appropriate if it is only a short distance.

Thanks, this makes sense. Was thinking of calling them.

Sadly my partner is one of the vulnerable and he feels very pressured to ignore that fact. There's no easy way with this really. I don't think we will share the vehicle but he will definitely suffer 'repercussions' for opting out of it. It's sad.

I’m in the process of arranging my dad’s funeral at the minute and the undertakers said they didn’t recommend mixing households within the cars. As there’s only me and 14yo ds in our household, I’ve chosen not to have cars and we’re driving ourselves (rest of small family will be driving over anyway). I personally wouldn’t want to take the risk.

@40somethingJBJ

I’m in the process of arranging my dad’s funeral at the minute and the undertakers said they didn’t recommend mixing households within the cars. As there’s only me and 14yo ds in our household, I’ve chosen not to have cars and we’re driving ourselves (rest of small family will be driving over anyway). I personally wouldn’t want to take the risk.

I'm sorry to hear that

it does seem to be the best idea at the moment, to travel separately. I do hope things go as smoothly as possible for you. It is a terrible time to have to go through this.

I thought for funerals you have to travel and attend in your household bubble. There are too many issues with this and not just one. People refusing to isolate and test. Mixing with the car. Others are vulnerable. Its walking distance.
Could your partner say he asked his doctors advice? Would that trump their demands and stop them sulking. Especially seems mad for something that is walking distance and even more so being vulnerable. Even now how can his health be less important than someone having a tantrum? They are being selfish for the sake of what?