I know there's a billion threads like this, but...

[JorisBonson]

I think my smile has finally slipped.

I'm very lucky in that my job is, and has always been, safe and I work from home half the week.

First lockdown DH was WFH full time and we managed to have quite a lot of fun (the weather helped!). He's now in a different job on shift, alternating between a good few days off then 12 hour day or night shifts.

Now I just feel utterly miserable and I don't know if I can put a brave face on any more. It was my birthday last week, and while DH tried his best to put on a good day, I just felt sad.

I think I'm becoming a little acrophobic. Due to annual leave and wfh days, I've been indoors for a week and the thought of going to work on the train tomorrow is making me a bit panicky.

Some friends have arranged an (outdoor) pub visit at the weekend, I found it so stressful with the confusion over the rules that I threw my toys out the pram and said I wasn't going and left the group. I haven't told them how I'm feeling but maybe I should.

I've put on so much weight, getting worse with my dwindling motivation.

Have had to buy a mouthguard due to grinding my teeth all night, which dentist says is a sign of stress

Think I'm here just to rant. I can feel my fingers slipping from the edge. As someone who has been very lucky and never suffered with any sort of mental health problem, I'm not sure what to do.

OP firstly well done for voicing this. Secondly you are not alone. This year has been phenomenally hard on all of us. Someone will be along soon with better advice than I can give, I'm sure but... absorb the good news that the vaccine has been approved and will start to be administered within the week. Go out for a walk today, take deep breaths and focus on your next meal being a healthy one each time you slip up with an unhealthy snack. Applaud yourself for getting this far through a terrible year. You ARE strong, you ARE resilient, and it's ok to feel low on the mental energy right now. Sending you a hug.

Small thing, but my SAD lamp is really helping just now, as is a drop of vitamin D oil in my coffee.

I had that nervy feeling for a while. I've driven all my life and them I has to travel about 40 miles and it felt horrendous. I grind my teeth too.

You need to go out, it will help with all of it. A little bit at a time, Wrap up and go for a speed walk around the block. Or set an objective, fetch a pint of milk from your local shop. If you see anyone while you are out, smile or say 'morning' from the opposite pavement.
I found that lots of little interactions helped bring my confidence back really quickly. I think if we are too cut off, we forget how.

I'm not being a twat, OP, but I think you mean agoraphobic.

Re-join the group. Say "sorry for throwing my toys out of the pram, lockdown is really getting to me! What are the plans for the meet up."

Good luck.

@MoiraCrows I do mean that! And yes I think I need to do that.

@PirateCatQueen do SAD lamps work? I did want a Lumiere (or however you spell it) but not really compatible with living with a shift worker.

Thanks @linerforlife and @Mintjulia. I've just lost my mojo and it makes me sad. I was so excited in the summer when things went back to "normal", lots of outings with friends and DH and I just don't want to leave the sofa right now. DH suggested a late pub lunch today (our local has handled everything brilliantly and I've tried to support them whenever possible), usually my favourite thing ever but I just don't want to go out.

I agree with Moira about re-joining the group and telling your friends you've been having a hard time. You might find they make meeting at the pub even easier knowing that you're feeling stressed about it. It would be really good for you to get out and socialise, and burning bridges with your friends is the last thing you need right now.

Today I'd suggest going for a walk to a place you know well, even if it's just your local shop to get yourself something nice to eat. Then spend some time getting yourself ready for work tomorrow - get a nice outfit washed, have a relaxing bath. Give yourself a kind shake and see if you can treat today as a fresh start.

Definitely takes the edge off for me.

You don’t need to have it on all day, you just need to be close to it for an hour same time each day. Takes about a week to make a difference.

DH has one of the Lumie daylight alarm clocks but never really took to it. I think the lamp is much more effective.