Seeing elderly Grandparents at Christmas

[Creepertime]

My Grandparents are 90 and won’t be seeing anyone at all over Christmas. We currently haven’t formed a bubble with anyone so could bubble with them. They adore my primary aged children and I know if I invited them for Christmas Day they’d come in a heartbeat. They’ve really missed seeing us and we them as we’ve been in extra restrictions pretty much since the first lockdown. At their age I know they feel like they want to enjoy what life they have left and they would be made up to spend the day at our house. They’re generally fit and well, my Grandad is a bit frail as most 90 year old men are.
But I’m unsure of the risk. We’ll have had a full week of isolating before Christmas Day and I’ve already ordered a food delivery etc. I currently have Covid and have been knocked for six by it, I know me having it has made them a bit scared as they didn’t know of anyone else who has.

Other options could be to visit them for an hour on Christmas Day or if the weather is nice go for a short walk with them but we live in the north west so weather unreliable.
It’s such a conundrum, do I not see them and risk them spending their last Christmas alone (given their age) or invite them and risk infecting them and living with the guilt.

Opinions please.

Are they generally able to make decisions for themselves? If so, have them over.

I'm fed up of hearing people dictating how the elderly should be living.

Plus, if you've had covid, you wont have it again at Christmas.

^^ Spot on

If they can make the decision including assessing their risk then I'd go along with what they wanted regardless of the consequences.

Honestly they are so close to getting the vaccine now I just wouldn't risk it unless you can isolate for 14 days before Christmas. I'm not seeing my grandparents who are over 80 because of this. If there was no potential vaccine in sight I think I would, but seeing as it is now extremely likely they will get vaccinated in January we aren't risking seeing them at Christmas and will see them once they are vaccinated instead. I would hate myself forever if I gave them covid a few weeks before they would have had the vaccine.

Honestly they are so close to getting the vaccine now I just wouldn't risk it unless you can isolate for 14 days before Christmas

This ^^

If they fall ill or worse will it have been worth it for one day? We are having a belated celebration when things are much better so as not to risk anyone.

@Racoonworld

Honestly they are so close to getting the vaccine now I just wouldn't risk it unless you can isolate for 14 days before Christmas. I'm not seeing my grandparents who are over 80 because of this. If there was no potential vaccine in sight I think I would, but seeing as it is now extremely likely they will get vaccinated in January we aren't risking seeing them at Christmas and will see them once they are vaccinated instead. I would hate myself forever if I gave them covid a few weeks before they would have had the vaccine.

Agree with this too. Several of my friends have parents in their eighties, none of them are risking it for one day. Have a lovely family meal when they’ve been vaccinated.

This is why I’m torn as we are so close to vaccination but I also agree with the elderly having their freedom removed. They used to see my children weekly and we’ve seen them twice since March and they’re lonely. My Mum takes them out every few weeks somewhere with low risk (outdoor garden centre type places) as otherwise they’d be on public transport to get out because they’re so fed up.
If I give them the choice I know they’ll come, I just don’t know if that’s the right thing to do. Of the 4 of us at home only I have had it. I didn’t isolate in the home as the children wouldn’t have it but none have had symptoms so could have it over Christmas and we can only do the week isolating.

I think under the circs it would be far too risky, your children could catch it one after the other, have few or no symptoms and still be contagious. Even without that unless you can truly isolate for two weeks beforehand it is too risky. Is it close enough to go and see them outside, drop presents off etc ?
Keep them safe for a little longer and they may be around for more Christmasses to come.

I know they must be lonely and it really sucks but why don’t you plan a nice get together with them in February instead. It’s not too long to wait and will be something to look forward to. They will have had the vaccine and you can see them without worrying. A week isn’t long enough to isolate, ask yourself would you see them without isolating at all and if the answer is no then don’t do it, as with just a week it may not help.

@Racoonworld

I know they must be lonely and it really sucks but why don’t you plan a nice get together with them in February instead. It’s not too long to wait and will be something to look forward to. They will have had the vaccine and you can see them without worrying. A week isn’t long enough to isolate, ask yourself would you see them without isolating at all and if the answer is no then don’t do it, as with just a week it may not help.

As my very elderly mum said earlier this week 'We will just have Christmas later in the year. You coming here will make it Christmas, even if it is actually February'.

I'm really hoping that they get both does of the vaccine in time for me to isolate for a week at half term and the combination be enough to reduce the risk of seeing them to a reasonable level.

Do you know how long you would have to isolate for, before spending time with them? I am wondering about this but don't know what the guidelines are.

Well, 14 days would be the 'optimal' time, as then if exposed to the virus the day before your isolation, statistics show that if you had not developed it after 14 days, you are not going to.

Also, if you are asymptomatic but positive (all unknowing) at the start of the 14 days, then 14 day isolation is enough for most of the risk of infecting others to be past.

February half term is only 9 days (including the 2 weekends) soI would only risk it if my parents were fully vaccinated by them. I am a primary teacher, so my daily exposure to potential carriers is high and in close contact.

If they have the mental capacity to make a decision and assess the risk then it is up to them. They aren’t children who need an adult to make the decision for them.

You do also have to assess the mental effect on you, and your children, should you be unlucky and infect them - so you have a choice to be made 'for you and your children', as much as the elderly have a choice to make 'for themselves'.

@LH1987

If they have the mental capacity to make a decision and assess the risk then it is up to them. They aren’t children who need an adult to make the decision for them.

That’s true but it’s also the guilt of you being it to them. I would feel awful if I brought covid to my elderly relatives, so will not see them even if they wanted to. I will see them as soon as they are vaccinated which shouldn’t be too far away.

If you have covid now, you could potentially pass it on to your children or other family members, and they might leave traces of the virus on surfaces etc. - leaving covid still active in your home when your grandparents visit. This risk would be too large for me. Leave the visit at least for another few weeks.

I'm not seeing my 92 yo Uncle. He keeps good health & is still fully independent (drives too -and well!). If full 14 day isolation was prior I'd consider it, but it's not, so no

My cousins (his sons) are taking him to theirs fir Christmas, probably about 4 days at each house. Sons & DILS all out at work, 6 grandchildren, 4 of them at school, one nursery, one Uni. 3 of them spend half their week with another parent, who has a boyfriend who has children etc etc etc. His exposure over Christmas is going to be massive & I'm very very worried. During lockdown1, I delivered groceries to him, but he's been chiding to get his own this lockdown as his sons said it was against the guidelines. 🙄🙄🙄🙄.

But he's their Dad, not mine, so there's fuck all I can do, except break my heart if he gets it.

That aside, I think it's selfish because it puts NHS staff under more pressure & at more risk & uses a bed that needn't have been.

Wait for spring/summer/vaccine... middle of bloody winter, flu season, pandemic, just don't. If you love them.