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SAHM of toddlers - how are you coping?

50 replies

HannahS99 · 01/12/2020 12:59

It’s hit me today that after lockdown 2 ends not very much is going to change. We are in tier 3 area so nothing much is opening. Even if we eventually get in to tier 1 there will likely be no toddler groups (or none without a huge waiting list). There isn’t much to do except go to a freezing cold park by myself Every Single Day. Even if the shops and cafes open etc in tier 2/1 - toddler will not want to do that. I don’t know anyone with kids the same age and we have no family nearby.

It’s getting harder and harder spending all day everyday alone. OH works long hours so I maybe see him for an hour before bed each day.

What are others doing? How are you coping?

Everyone seems excited lockdown is ending and things will be getting better, but I don’t see anything changing for me at all

OP posts:
catsjammies · 01/12/2020 20:40

Thankfully I have the nursery run morning and afternoon for older DD to break up the day. DS is excellent at playing independently, and he helps me do as many chores as possible 😅 but yes, it's bloody boring. We're back into tier 2 tomorrow so plan on mooching around a few shops for some bits we need, might buy him a few new books, and go for a coffee. The temps have dropped significantly here the past two days and I've discovered he HATES the cold. HATES it. So, no outside time for a while! Fine by me.
Everything crossed we are on flights to the Southern Hemisphere in January. It's costing us an absolute bomb and DH can't come because of work, but the thought of a few months in the sun in a Covid free place is keeping me going.

Namechange7654321 · 01/12/2020 20:44

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and as a previous poster has said, it's Groundhog Day. I can't take them to the park by myself as they both need help and will run off in opposite directions.

It's really hard as there is nothing to break up the day. My 3 year old goes to preschool so that's great for her but I feel so sad for my 1 year old that he doesnt see other children. Now we can't even socialise in groups of 6, I can't have friends round for play dates.

I won't go to soft play venues as they are full of germs at the best of times and my DS is asthmatic. I'm also pregnant so trying to be careful.

In all honesty, I feel like an exhausted shell of who I was before this started.

SlayDuggee · 01/12/2020 20:59

I’m on mat leave with a baby and a two year old.

I’m going back to work Monday as it’s pointless being on mat leave. There is only so many times I can go to the park when it’s cold and wet with a baby. Even during the summer there was no toddler or baby groups open.

For the last half term I’ve found a cheap preschool open and DD has been going one day a week from 9-2:30
. I’ve just been informed that swimming lessons are restarting next week.

EssentialHummus · 01/12/2020 21:10

Coping OK but not loving it and just feeling numb really. We have two full days of childcare over three. DD naps (usually). Fixed weekend plans to look forward to. So that all helps. And on the bright side she is learning loads mainly from the iPad. But I really would like the ease of playdates etc back and I reckon they are still a long way off.

We:

  • go to two different parks (hip hip fucking hooray), with plans to see friends there
  • take the train 10 minutes into the city to drink a hot chocolate and look at the Thames
  • make popcorn and count it
  • decorate digestive biscuits with icing
  • watch loads of TV (I pat myself on the back for her watching TV in DH's language)
  • pick up leaves and learn their names

... plus books, Playdoh etc. Which all sounds lovely BUT I'VE BEEN DOING IT NONSTOP SINCE MARCH.

AnnnaBananna · 01/12/2020 21:59

I was wondering why so many women seem to be struggling with being at home with kids during Covid, while earlier generations seemed to cope fine with being housewives. So I asked my gran (1950s housewife) how she coped. She said she left school at 14 and had very little education and no ambition, so she had no expectations beyond spending her days playing with children, and therefore didn’t feel bored or distressed by it. It made me wonder if our education and previous jobs have made us expect more than this, and that’s why so many of us are struggling. Perhaps that’s the reason why women weren’t educated in previous centuries - because then they’d get ideas beyond just looking after the kids and would be unhappy being housewives.

noodlmcdoodl · 01/12/2020 22:04

I’ve got a 3 year old... we’re into Tier 3 tomorrow. Luckily he’s been back at nursery 3 days (whilst I’m working) since September, so I get a change of role which helps my sanity.

We’ve also formed an informal childcare bubble with a friend who has a child the same age, so can legally do play dates (do this once or twice a week). Fortunately I know a few other women locally with similarly aged kids, so we’ll meet them individually with our kids in tow outside somewhere where the kids can explore safely without too much supervision and we can put the world to rights. It’ll be great to meet in larger groups.

The only way we cope is ensuring we get outside every day and vary where we go/ what we do. I’d have lost the will to live by now if we were limited to the same park.

Luckily I have a car and DS loves a car ride... so we’ll drive out to different parks and often combine with a bike ride (I push him with a stick as he can’t manage hills).

I kitted him out with decent waterproofs/ outdoorsy clothing/ walking boots (all eBay bargains) so we go for muddy walks (luckily I live in beautiful countryside) in any weather (I’m kitted out too). I take the sling if he gets tired or I become sick of moving at 3 year old speed.

DS is happily entertained by a supermarket trip, so will go to a different supermarket each week for variety. He’s also now sufficiently civilised that he won’t run off/ Chuck himself on the floor in shops... so during lockdown2 we’ve happily browsed DIY shops and Poundland together.

One of the local pools has a toddler pool which you can book a quarter of, so we’ll probably add a swim into the mix.

We drive out and I go for a run whilst he rides his bike (I have to push his saddle with a stick)... he carries a flask of tea and cakes in his rucksack and so we stop half way.

He loves helping with the chores - laundry, cleaning etc.

I’ve never been one to sit down and do craft activities or anything like that with him. I’d much rather be outside adventuring with him!

I cycle, he has a trailer, so I wrap him up, take a picnic and tow him out to a park. By the time we’ve got out, cycled for an hour or so, picnicked (can’t manage more than 20 mins now as we get too cold), cycled home and cleaned the bike and trailer together most of the day is gone.

If all else fails/ the weather is horrific, we just crash out in front of the telly for the day.

Ordinarily we’d be spending a lot of time at soft play, going to cafes, toddler groups, visiting the library and taking bus rides at this time of year. So it’s a big change. I’ll never take that stuff for granted again!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 01/12/2020 22:05

AnnnaBananna interesting! I also think we expect more for our children. As many people point on threads on this site “children don’t need soft play” “2 year olds don’t need friends” but we actively seek out activities to stimulate and enhance our children’s development (more than previous generations), to have all those things vanish is hard. I know I beat myself up about not entertaining my LO enough when our usual options are closed.

Juniperandrage · 01/12/2020 22:11

@AnnnaBananna

Surely they socialised with friends and relatives with or without small children though? I think that's the main difference. Before Covid I was quite happy pootling about with my little one and meeting up with my mum friends and their kids, and my non mum friends. It's the isolation and uncertainty that's exhausting and draining, not being with my child all day

TheyPavedParadise · 01/12/2020 22:14

@AnnnaBananna

I was wondering why so many women seem to be struggling with being at home with kids during Covid, while earlier generations seemed to cope fine with being housewives. So I asked my gran (1950s housewife) how she coped. She said she left school at 14 and had very little education and no ambition, so she had no expectations beyond spending her days playing with children, and therefore didn’t feel bored or distressed by it. It made me wonder if our education and previous jobs have made us expect more than this, and that’s why so many of us are struggling. Perhaps that’s the reason why women weren’t educated in previous centuries - because then they’d get ideas beyond just looking after the kids and would be unhappy being housewives.
My grandmother had 8 children. She also had a support network. Her own mother and siblings lived close by. She was friendly with all her neighbours, the majority of whom also had young children. They supported each other. The whole ‘it takes a village’ thing. There is no support network at the moment.
spaceghetto · 01/12/2020 22:29

I have a plan each day for my 2 yo and I. We don't always follow it but it helps me! Today we danced around the front room singing to nursery rhymes, swept leaves, had a deep bath, played playdough, trains, made some cheese scones and went to the park.

catsjammies · 01/12/2020 23:00

[quote Juniperandrage]@AnnnaBananna

Surely they socialised with friends and relatives with or without small children though? I think that's the main difference. Before Covid I was quite happy pootling about with my little one and meeting up with my mum friends and their kids, and my non mum friends. It's the isolation and uncertainty that's exhausting and draining, not being with my child all day[/quote]
Yes this. It's the isolation right now. I'd be quite happy being at home most days if we could have a friend pop in for a coffee and a chat. Or the other way around- I'd be happy not seeing friends if we could go to museums/galleries/shops freely etc!

DipSwimSwoosh · 01/12/2020 23:03

I am relishing the toddler days when I am home with her and unable to see anyone. We go and visit lovely places when the weather allows and get lots of jobs done when it doesn't.

frangilight · 02/12/2020 01:28

We're in Tier 2 (London) so there is quite a lot open near me. DD goes to nursery 3 days, which has been really important for allowing her social interaction. Otherwise we are quite socially isolated, even when we go to toddler classes, as they are all socially distanced. I don't really have mum friends, but we go out every day, whatever the weather, and DD has been happy enough in this lockdown going to different parks and playgrounds. I had to get on the tube to travel to different big parks to make things more interesting - couldn't just go to the same local ones over and over, we would both have been bored to tears. I've actually quite enjoyed discovering playgrounds that we've not been to before, a lot of them have interesting designs and different activities instead of just the standards swings/slides. We even found a toddler music class that took place outdoors during lockdown, so we did that every week.

I don't have social interaction with anyone outside my household, although I'm quite an introvert, so I don't mind it so much. DH is wfh but he needs to concentrate on his work/have meetings, so I don't actually interact with him that much even when he's home.

We have booked up a lot of activities throughout December, as there are a lot of venues opening up. Luckily we can afford to pay for things like theatre shows and Santa visits, but even if we couldn't, there are free museums and galleries. We're lucky that DD enjoys toddling around them, even though a lot of them have removed the more fun and interactive activities. Everything needs to be booked weeks in advance though, as it all gets booked up quickly.

Kokeshi123 · 02/12/2020 05:23

Oh God, another suggestion that "This is how women lived in the 50s all the time!"

No, they bloody well did not.
Women hung out with their neighbors, had teas and biscuits at each other's houses. Went out shopping together down the local shops where they talked with the shop keepers and bumped into other local people they knew. Most people had family members close by and could be in and out of each other's houses regularly. And a lot of women had informal part-time jobs. Both my grandmothers worked (one ran a small plant nursery, the other sold things door to door) even if it wasn't full-time.

It wasn't utopia but women had plenty of casual everyday social contact. They did not spend day after day on a park bench in the pissing rain without speaking to another adult for 10 hours straight.

TheyPavedParadise · 02/12/2020 06:43

@DipSwimSwoosh

I am relishing the toddler days when I am home with her and unable to see anyone. We go and visit lovely places when the weather allows and get lots of jobs done when it doesn't.
Fab, glad you’re looking forward to it. We’ve done that basically every single day since mid March. It wears thin.
DipSwimSwoosh · 03/12/2020 13:39

No I don't mean looking forward. I have 3 kids aged 6,5 and 2. I am enjoying my time with the 2 year old while it lasts.

TheyPavedParadise · 03/12/2020 13:40

@DipSwimSwoosh

No I don't mean looking forward. I have 3 kids aged 6,5 and 2. I am enjoying my time with the 2 year old while it lasts.
Well my point still stands. Glad you’re enjoying it. I have done it alone every day since March with a speech delayed toddler and it’s wearing very thin.
DipSwimSwoosh · 03/12/2020 14:11

Yes different experiences. It will be easier when there are fewer restrictions.

Yolo773 · 03/12/2020 15:10

Is anyone worried about going out?
I'm actually nervous! Nobody has handled my baby other than myself and my husband. I'm still worried about others holding my baby. Does anyone else feel like this too? I suppose if you have older ones it's not so worrying?! Or am I being dramatic.
I can't believe how covid has made me a completely different person. An anxious, worried and lonely mum!! Not how I thought maternity would be at all.

AgentCooper · 03/12/2020 16:12

@HannahS99 oh I feel your pain. I am actually back working 3 days a week from home now (DS goes to his grandparents) but I was furloughed between April and August. We are tier 4 so on the 4 days I have off with DS there is absolutely nothing open but the supermarket. We used to go to the local shopping centre on Mondays if it rained just to get a change of scene but can’t do that now. No toddler group, soft play, swimming or library since March. I found it all very hard and lonely in summer so can’t imagine how tough it is for you in winter. Also having the same issue in that friends who want to walk have younger babies in buggies and don’t want to hang around play parks.

I was going to say I’d gladly meet up with you but since you’re tier 3 and I’m tier 4 we’re probably nowhere near each other.

3asAbird · 05/12/2020 09:17

I can totally resonate with some of the points it feels like groundhog day.

Husband works long hours
3 school age children 1 seniors 2 at juniors.
2 year old delayed preschool due to cost no funding until seot 2021 term after 3rd birthday and couldn't cope with 4th bubble health visitor suggested delaying start to jan or even Easter.
Due to lockdown we took income cut so jan and feb be tough financial.
No family nearby they all Wales
Tier 3 so can't meet up with freinds.
But my freinds all have jobs.
Husband picks up some as weather so dire and toddler hates school runs older 2 make their own way to and from school when they not self isolating so not even school run chat.
No toddler groups running.
We do walk the dog round the block once a day and my neighbours are friendly enough our street say hello or good morning.
So many online purchases om pleased see amazon man ir Post woman.

Relieved baby ballet started back up as its my toddler only activity .
I try not take her supermarket its crazy.
Parks muddy and cold.
Throwing myself into Christmas, declutter the house meal plan and cooking.
Watching trashy TV like Emily in Paris.
I try speak freinds and family on phone or messengers frequently but I am lonely.

I worry my toddlers bored.
I worry my life has no direction and 2021 be rough financially.
I would love to afford to do some courses.
I worked part time during 1st pandemic wave and didn't realise how much good it did me.
My world is forever shrinking.
Lockdown weight gain been huge.

ReallySpicyCurry · 05/12/2020 09:29

Come and join us on the Trapped Parents of Toddlers thread in Chat!

It's shit isn't it? I've actually put my DD's name down for preschool three days a week, when I wasn't planning on sending her for another year. Even so it doesn't start until September

AlexTheLittleCat · 05/12/2020 13:50

It's very hard if you only have one baby or toddler or multiple under school age and don't have any at school. I really feel for mums in this situation. I have older school aged kids and the school run breaks up the day and gives me some social contact. My littlest naps and I get some time for myself. It also means the day is pretty short. If you have a whole day to fill from 8 in the morning til 6 at night, that is a lot of time when nothing much is open. Everything that is open is expensive. Gone are all the cheap church hall drop in groups with a cup of tea and a biscuit for a pound, only the expensive courses remain. If you are on a budget, it's very hard.

It's getting harder as the weather turns and the only thing to do is going to cold and wet parks. I can cope with cold but cold and wet is not fun.

Youreatragedystartingtohappen · 05/12/2020 19:05

@ReallySpicyCurry

Come and join us on the Trapped Parents of Toddlers thread in Chat!

It's shit isn't it? I've actually put my DD's name down for preschool three days a week, when I wasn't planning on sending her for another year. Even so it doesn't start until September

Can you post a link please? I am made for that group!
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