Has anyone been to a funeral recently?

[40somethingJBJ]

My dad died on Wednesday and I’m arranging things. I know it’s 30 for a funeral and 15 for a wake (where can we even have a wake??), which is fine as we’re a very small family, but I’m just curious what the whole thing is like? Can my 14yo son sit with me? Are we all able to go to my dad’s house afterwards (presuming that’s the only place we’ll be able to go)? There’ll only be 10 of us at the most. Thanks.

I am so sorry for your loss 💐 your son and all of your household will be able to sit with you. Masks must be worn.

We lost my nan in August and this was the case then.

We opted out of a wake all together but presumably the rule of 15 means you can go to whichever house you want after as long as it's 15 or less

I attended a funeral last week, apart from the masks and limited numbers, the actual funeral was fairly normal, we all sat squashed in our pews. Friends of family that didn't make the 30 cut, stood outside and listened on a speaker system.
We went back to a family member's house afterwards and had sandwiches and a good old reminisce. It was all quite low key and pleasant.
Sorry for your loss x

Thank you both. There won’t be many of us at all as my dad was a very private, reclusive man and we’re a small family. I thought my dad’s house would be best as the living room is bigger than mine and we can all keep distanced. I don’t want anything fancy, just a few sandwiches and a chat. Glad to hear the service is normal.

Firstly I’m so sorry for your loss.

My dad passed last month and my experience is as follows.

The crematorium was very understanding and even though every other row was cordoned off we could sit with who we pleased on the ones available. They didn’t challenge people about whether or not they were a ‘bubble’.

For the wake we were able to go to a local pub for a meal, but we were restricted to 6 per table, from a single household or bubble. However again households and bubbles were not challenged, we just had to stick to the 6 per table.

We were very lucky as literally days later pubs closed completely.

Afterwards a handful returned to my brothers house for drinks and journeys down memory lane. However, this was a mixture of households and completely against government guidance.

During the last couple of months, I’ve managed to have during lockdown, a wedding, a funeral and move house. The latter being the most stressful.

I should add my dad categorically hated a fuss, he was very private and there was about 15 people in total at his funeral.

We had my mums funeral last week. We were allowed 30 masked people and no singing and no wake afterwards not even in people’s house. It was so sad. Not all of her loved ones got to say goodbye and we missed out our toast and celebration of her life. My mum deserved more.

I am so sorry for your loss OP .

I haven't physically attended a funeral but did watch a live streaming of a funeral last Wednesday. Only 7 people were present and they had to sit in their household groups but could choose which area they sat in. They had to wear masks and had songs played rather than any you would normally sing to. Your 14 year-old son can definitely sit with you.

The rules do not permit you to hold a wake in a private dwelling unless only attended by one household:
www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-for-managing-a-funeral-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic/covid-19-guidance-for-managing-a-funeral-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic

"Religious, belief-based or ceremonial events that are linked to the funeral, such as stone setting ceremonies, ash scattering or a wake, must have no more than 15 people attending. This limit applies both indoors and outdoors and does not include anyone working. Certain venues including community centres, places of worship, hotels, exhibition centres, cemeteries and crematoriums can remain open to hold these events." If the event is taking place in a private dwelling, including private gardens, only members of one household or support bubble can attend. "

We attended a funeral recently. Set numbers. Chairs spaced apart in the crematorium but people could pull them together to sit in household groups. Standing room in the foyer. Live stream for those unable to attend due to numbers. Masks had to be worn of course. A wake for 15 would have been allowed in a venue but of course none were open due to lockdown. A wake in a private home was not allowed.

My Granny died a couple months ago, our crem is small & only allowed us 15 people. Chairs were all spaced apart & we weren’t allowed to even sit in family groups. It was weird & I felt really sad for my mum who could have really done with a hug from my Dad. My children were not able to attend & therefore my OH couldn’t go. All had to wear masks obvs.

We had a wake at a restaurant. We could only sit in family groups & couldn’t move around. But it was better than nothing.

Really sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My mum died in June, because of restrictions and logistics the funeral ended up being just me and the funeral director.

It was very much not what we would have planned, but it was ok, and hopefully sometime in 2021 we will be able to get together and lay hef ashes to rest and celebrate her life.

Much love to anyone who has lost someone in these strange times.

Double check the capacity. Our local crematorium can only fit 20 socially distant. The biggest thing at the moment is no singing of hymns and no hanging around afterwards. The church can get fined for people chatting in the churchyard. You can hold a wake for up to 15 people but this cannot be in someone's home, though as you point out, not sure where it is supposed to happen.

(I've been involved in organising 5 funerals and attended 1 since COVID-19 started)

40something I'm sorry about your mum

I went to my brothers cremation last week .It was a large chapel with benches .We all sat where we wanted .No taped off seats .People sang hymns .Though I'd been told this wouldn't be allowed .

We stood around and chatted afterwards .

V hard not to be able to gather afterwards .

The hearse left from the house and someone had put a pillar candle in a glass dome on the garden wall .The neighbours stood outside their houses down the road .Those two things meant a great deal to me .

PS There is a video link ( live +28 days ) to view the service ,but I can't make it work .It's provided by Obitus ,not a simple you tube thing .

We went to a Jewish funeral in September. Only 30 people allowed and the service was conducted outdoors. There was no wake as only 6 people were allowed to be together indoors at the time. There was a Zoom memorial service a couple of days later. 82 people attended and we all shared stories of our long term friend.

I am so sorry to those who have lost people

It was my baby's funeral on Friday. We had technically three households, two bubbles. We all sat on chairs rather than pews so we could be near his moses basket.

I kept it incredibly small so we could do it like this. If there had been any more family members then we'd have had to sit separately in bubbles in the pews. Our FD is incredible.

The six of us went to my DPs afterwards and sat and had coffee. The neighbours know what we've been through so I'm not worried about being reported for breaking lockdown rules.

I went to one last week. Masks on, no singing, only every third pew available to sit in, but had to be family groups only in thd open pews. Doors and windows open in a Norman church, which isn't exactly warm at the best of times.
No wake or meeting up afterwards.
Masks could be taken off at thd graveside as long as we spread out.
Had to distance move away from the graveside while the coffin was lowered, then allowed back once the funeral director's employees were clear.
Also coffin was pushed into church on as gurney rather than carried. Not sure if thix was so that people weren't close to each other when carrying it, or because the deceased was 6ft 6 and about 25 stone!

Alexa-

Thank you everyone. So sorry for everyone else that has lost someone. This really has been a spectacularly shitty year.

My Grandma funeral was beginning of June could only tell crematorium service no hymns and were only 5 of us (only allowed immediate family up to 8). We sat in our households. No wake and had to drive a 500 miles round trip in one day as no hotels open.

Going to do a memorial service and scatter the ashes next year when restrictions have eased.