It's a Covid and Christmas bubbles one

[Pearsapiece]

We would usually all get together on Xmas eve from dh's family, usually hosted by fil. There are 4 households, but obviously each of those households has another 'side of family' to think about.

Fil has said he intends to slightly break the rules by seeing us all separately. A shame, but a good compromise.
SIL has sent a message that says "grandparents will be seen inside but everyone else will be outside".

Our kids are both 2. I will be 35 weeks pregnant at Christmas. I can't help but feel pissed off that SIL has just dictated her rules and we all have to go with it. She always has been one for the rules but we all thought she might relax a bit over Xmas. There's no one high risk in their household, or even moderately vulnerable.
I feel like shaking her and saying "you may think your protecting your ds from covid but your depriving him from so so much more over Christmas, and our kids too."

I know I'm unreasonable to expect someone to break the rules. But I'm not going to go and stand in the fucking cold and shiver, when I'm on crutches due to the pregnancy anyway, because SIL says so.

I don't know if I'm angry at SIL or covid really. I feel sad for ds, I feel torn myself, like we haven't been allowed to say what we would be happy with because SIL has declared her ruling.
I'm not really sure what I want from this. But please don't come at me with 'you can't expect people to break the rules for you' because I know that already.

Just to avoid confusion, the 4th household in this scinareo is another SIL but she hasn't followed the rules from day 1 so not an issue over Christmas in regards to laying out rules

So don't go. This year gives everyone an opportunity to start standing up for themselves.

I dont really see why it’s out of order to say that she doesn’t want anyone else inside; it’s her choice what risk she puts herself at.

Yes it’s fine for her to say that. Don’t go if you don’t want to meet outdoors.

I think it's fine for SIL to say she'd prefer outside meetings. But you don't have to go - just send DH and DS.

However, presumably there is nothing to stop you sitting down (take your own chair if you don't think SIL will provide one) and take blankets and a hot water bottle. DS won't care - he'll consider it to be a big adventure and happily run around with his cousin, so I'm not sure why you are sad for him.

Everyone is entitled to draw the lines where they see fit. At least you have advance warning so you can decide what to do. I've had an unexpectedly negative reaction from some family members to a proposal of mine, but their health is their business. So I won't see them. Fine.

It is completely fine that she’s said that, it’s completely fine for you not to go.

And she doesn’t think she’s protecting her child from COVID, she is. And at the age of 2 they won’t know any difference anyway.

A two year old won’t be bothered about playing outdoors and won’t miss out on anything if you as toddlers have no idea of what day it is.

I don’t blame your SIL, four households is breaking the rule and indoors is most risky so I agree with her.

Right, so your FIL wants to see everyone separately? Your family at one point and the other two SIL at other times?

So, you see your FIL eg in your or his house at 2pm on Christmas Eve. Then, you don’t have to see the SIL who wants you to stand in the cold or the SIL who has been breaking the rules.

Then you have one space in your Xmas bubble if you wanted to see another isolated household over Christmas.

SIL can dictate her rules for her house. You don’t have to go, or follow them.

Wear a vest, a decent coat and a pair of thick socks and take a chair. What your SIL is suggesting is eminently sensible and you are being a bit precious.

I think it’s highly unlikely that a two year old will give a toss tbh

So your SIL wants to follow the rules and you're having a go?
I think when it comes to this virus, we have all got to do what we are comfortable with. For her, she isn't comfortable with everyone gathering inside and that is perfectly OK. If you want to break the rules then fine. But your ds won't miss out on anything by playing outside with their cousin.

Where do you live? If you are in the UK, it is hardly ice cold is it? Just put some layers on or stay at home.

But I'm not going to go and stand in the fucking cold and shiver, when I'm on crutches due to the pregnancy anyway, because SIL says so

No idea why you feel the need to be so aggressive about it. Has it occurred to you that she may be worried about passing the virus to you?!

I just wouldn’t bother, no one is forcing you. Just see your father in law at a different time over the Christmas period.

Am I the only one who read it as sil is dictating where people stand at the FIL House?

DH is part of a large family. None of us plan to see eachother inside, although, I've said to DH I'd happily do a socially distanced walk with any of them. Up to them if they take us up on it. Feeling sad here that we might not see them, but we couldn't live with ourselves if it ended up being a Covid spreading exercise.

SIL is trying to keep herself and the family safe, and I guess you have to consider the risk of you having Covid while giving birth.

There is nothing wrong with someone setting out their position. She is telling you she intends to comply with the rules and that is her prerogative. You could decide not to go - that is your prerogative.

I feel like shaking her and saying "you may think your protecting your ds from covid but your depriving him from so so much more over Christmas, and our kids too."
Blimey, you're on a short fuse to get so bothered by someone behaving responsibly. As for depriving him? 😂😂😂 That is nothing remotely like deprivation.

A two year old doesn't know what a traditional Christmas for your family has been like. They aren't going to feel deprived.

I don't see why this SIL shouldn't say what she thinks. Presumably she's trying to protect her parents and her child and quite possibly pregnant you.