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Original poster

Why am I the only one not wanting to break rules?

15 replies

MrsDux · 26/11/2020 13:19

I wish there was no Christmas bubble!
Our situation is there are 5 households.
Us,
DM & her H,
DB, DSIL & DN,
DMIL & her H,
DSIL, DBIL & DN.

I am the only one out of all these people (including H) who wants to stick to the rules over Christmas. Everyone else wants us to have 1 day with my family and 1 with H's.

They've even persuaded the kids it will be fine so they are now excited about seeing their cousins, who they haven't seen since March!

I feel like the Grinch and don't know what to do. No-one is particularly vulnerable, parents are all over 70 but with no specific health conditions. I just feel like going away on my own for 2 weeks and leaving them all to it!

OP posts:
Longwhiskers14 · 26/11/2020 13:32

Being over 70 makes them vulnerable though. You just have to dig your heels in and say you can't all be together and work it out so everyone sees at least someone. If they still insist there's no risk, maybe point out the highest infection rate is now within schools, so do they really want to put the children in the position of potentially (kids are more likely to be asymptomatic) infecting their grandparents and having to live with knowing that?

MyPersona · 26/11/2020 13:39

Everyone already lives with someone so no mixing is necessary or justified. It’s a limit not a target.

NewIdeasToday · 26/11/2020 13:42

Completely agree with the above poster that this is a limit not a target. Just stay home and stay safe. Why not plan to see your family for a special Easter get together instead and hope the older ones will have been Vaccinated by then?

Original poster
MrsDux · 26/11/2020 14:07

I know, but they have an answer for everything. They're saying that they are the vulnerable ones so the risk is theirs to take and that the kids will have been off school for a week, which lowers the risk!

If there was just one other person who agreed with me it would be easier. I know I will be getting passive aggressive guilt trips for months to come and I dont know of I can deal with that!

OP posts:
FlyingWithoutWingss · 26/11/2020 16:39

I find the ones who don't break the rules are the ones who it doesn't affect. For example my friend lives with her parents, never went to the gym, pub, met friends, so her life hasn't changed so obviously she is following the rules.
I used to go gym, do the classes, meet friends for coffee, go to the pub. She got pissed off with me because I was doing this (when allowed)

marshmallow95 · 26/11/2020 16:50

Out of interest, why do you not want to spend Christmas with them? What is it that is worrying you about the situation? Not at all trying to be argumentative, I'm just genuinely curious to hear your point of view / thought process.
From the sounds of it no one is particularly at risk, and those most at risk are happy and willing to take that personal risk themselves.

pastandpresent · 26/11/2020 17:02

Thing is, we don't know what will be like in January. My area had no cases. Once there is a case, they spread like wild fire. And now many cases daily. It only takes one case to spread to many. I don't want to risk it, for my sake and my family's sake. And it's not only vulnerable ones that can get really sick or worst case, die.
I think it's wrong to guilt trip someone who want to stay safe.

cologne4711 · 26/11/2020 17:28

I'm not breaking the rules but there are definitely cases in which I would, or bend them significantly, eg if my partner lived in a different tier area, or if I needed to visit a relative because they needed me (even if not over 70 and coming within a care exemption).

Original poster
MrsDux · 26/11/2020 18:25

@marshmallow95

Out of interest, why do you not want to spend Christmas with them? What is it that is worrying you about the situation? Not at all trying to be argumentative, I'm just genuinely curious to hear your point of view / thought process. From the sounds of it no one is particularly at risk, and those most at risk are happy and willing to take that personal risk themselves.
it's not that I don't want to spend Christmas with them, I just worry about the possibility of spreading a disease unnecessarily, knowing that it's in schools. imagine how we would feel if one of us passed it onto a parent, even though they are willing to take the risk. I guess making sure we are socially distancing and keeping the room airy could help my anxiety
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsDux · 26/11/2020 18:27

@FlyingWithoutWingss

I find the ones who don't break the rules are the ones who it doesn't affect. For example my friend lives with her parents, never went to the gym, pub, met friends, so her life hasn't changed so obviously she is following the rules. I used to go gym, do the classes, meet friends for coffee, go to the pub. She got pissed off with me because I was doing this (when allowed)
This is me really, although it is also the rest of my family. They have been sticking to the rules so far
OP posts:
lynsey91 · 26/11/2020 18:38

I am not going to break the rules even though it means my first Christmas in 66 years not spent with my parents.

Normally me and DH spend Christmas with my parents, my siblings and their OH's and their children and their OH's. This year we will be spending it on our own.

We have abided by the rules completely since March and no way are we suddenly going to ignore social distancing and no hugging. It is not possible to have Christmas dinner social distanced so we are not going anywhere.

I think far too many people are stupidly and selfishly going to break the rules if they have not done so already

starfish4 · 26/11/2020 18:39

If that's how you feel, then stay away. They should respect your decision. If they don't, leave them to it and hope they're not spreading it. I'd be reluctant to see anyone breaking the restrictions anyway, as you can't trust who else they've been breaking restrictions with causing an increased risk.

duffeldaisy · 26/11/2020 18:45

You might be alone in your family, but you're not in the wider world - we've not seen any grandparents since March, and we are only going to see 1 other person (who would otherwise be alone), but even then are going to isolate first.

Luckily, the other groups of our family do understand and actually agree (no-one's seeing anyone). We're so close to the vaccine or better testing now, so all of us want to wait and then have a proper meet up in a few months' time when it's all a lot safer. I have friends who've lost parents, and we're not risking it.

middleager · 26/11/2020 19:00

Posting this again as I will not carry the guilt of infecting others and they in turn, others:

My older relative called today to say she wants me DH and the kids over to hers.

I explained DS has Covid, it knocked him for six, and that there is absolutely no way we are taking the risk while my other son also remains at secondary rife with cases.

She seemed surprised as her friend popped over today with her little girl who is self isolating! Two weeks ago this mother and her 11 year old also had my relative over to theirs to bake cakes - even though the child was on a previous self isolation.

Just because you can...

And just because an older relative is OK with this, I'm not. It's also not fair on grandchildren to live with the burden if they infect somebody.

I've seen what it does to a fit teen, how easily it moves and if others did too then maybe they would think twice.

middleager · 26/11/2020 19:01

So today I told my aunt No. It was sad, but not as sad as if we passed this on to her.

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