DD’s birthday. AIBU?

[Rosiebrown1]

DD’s birthday on weekend.
Father doesn’t live with us.
Court Order states it wasn’t his weekend to have her yet he wanted to ‘give her presents.’

Brief history: Father, an ‘in denial’ alcoholic, took me to court for access.. with the weight of his retired CAFCASS officer’ mother..(she thinks her son is a saint and is venomous unfortunately).

I was then accused of being a poor mother but thankfully the courts investigated and deemed I am not that person. It made me ill at the time with severe stress, yet we have now moved on.

I can’t actually prove he is not worthy of having DD.. He won’t take a blood test. His eyes are always yellow and he has a massive beer belly. His nose is bulbous and purple.

The Court found in favour of his overnight access. I have experienced his alcoholism and it breaks my heart to hand DD over.

I agreed to his ‘EXTRA’ day for her birthday (daytime only).

It now transpires he allowed into his household:

His girlfriend (I don’t have a problem with his girlfriend) although he leaves her in a lay-by when he collects DD for his access weekends. I have a neighbour with CCTV 🤫

His brother. Different county and household although England.

His brother’s daughter, different household again.

His father and stepmother. Another household again.

Then... DD🤯

Our party was: Party games, Skyping with friends/relatives.. making things, playing ball in the local field and singing ‘happy birthday’ to cows, sheep and some ponies etc... DD was perfectly happy with this for her birthday. She is under 5.

I realise most of us are not perfect and this is not a perfect world but he lives in a lockdown area and we don’t (we are in Wales. He is in England).

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed that he allowed 6 households to join together for DD’s birthday in the current circumstances..?

Hmm.

This is a tough one. Whilst I am very anti bubble mixing, (ive had 3 people die of covid so far and my mum has cancer so I have to be very careful) You also seem to be worried about him being left alone with her. (Maybe I'm reading this wrong, or reading too much into this).

From experience Having an alcoholic parent is no fun whatsoever so I totally appreciate your reticence of handing her over to him but tbh id probably appreciate someone else being there too to make sure that he is being good to her.

I'm on the fence.

Thanks. I appreciate your response and I guess my concerns have now just escalated because of the latest situation. It all just seems reckless to me.

Sorry that you have loved ones in very difficult and compromised situations.. makes my worries much less and hoping your family stay safe and well x

Firstly, although still not allowed, the maximum households he allowed to join was 5, not 6. Children of separated/ divorced parents are treated as part of both households and can move freely between them.

Secondly, does he live in a single adult household? If so he may have formed a support bubble with one of the other households (e.g. Father & Stepmother). That would take one household out of the equation. He would then still be mixing 4 households against the rules, which isn't good, but, at least, it is less households than you previously thought.

Do you know what the situation is with his brother and niece? Could they be in a support bubble (which would reduce households to 3). Still more than are allowed to mix but improving.

By the way, what he looks like (yellow eyes, bulbous nose, beer belly) is irrelevant. A court has awarded him access to his child.