Christmas dilemma - what would you do?

[nanbread]

It's our "turn" to see GPs 1 this year for Christmas (we saw GPs 2 last year).

But GPs 1 live far away, aren't in such good health, and we are likely to be in very different tiers (ours would be higher, their rate is v low). They also probably wouldn't want us to stay at their house. We are sticking to current guidelines and not going into shops or work etc

Our options are:

1. Just stay at home by ourselves throughout

1. Visit GPs 2 and also see other siblings and their DC, which might upset GPs 1.

1. Visit GPs 1 and siblings and DC on that side who live nearby, but socially distance as much as possible and stay in a hotel or Airbnb

1. Stay at home Xmas day, but visit GPs 2 on Boxing Day just for the day. (4 hour round trip)

GPs 1 is too far away for a day trip.

(GPs 2 might not want us either of course if we are in a higher tier etc, but have taken a much more relaxed approach to the whole thing throughout)

I'm happy to stay at home if that's what is best, but DC would really love to see relatives and it would feel much more festive after a tricky year.

Have you asked either set of grandparents what they want? I know some people still want to be cautious even though its Christmas so one or both sets might not want to mix with lots of people.
Ask set 1 first, it's their turn. If they dont want you then ask set 2.

I definitely wouldnt be doing a 4 hours round trip in one day.

Option 1. Speak on the phone, put something nice in the post, look forward to being able to meet up in a relaxed fashion at some point.

I couldn't stand the worry of unwittingly passing the virus on, if one of us was asymptomatically carrying it tbh.

Unless you can all isolate completely for 14 days before, then I'd do as pp suggests.

@kitkatastrophe thanks for your reply, last time we spoke to GPs1 they seemed up for us visiting them but staying at a hotel, keeping our distance, just seeing them maybe for a meal from the other side of the table with windows open type thing. But I haven't asked them recently and cases are going up round here which might change the situation.

I don't love the idea of the kids waking up in some cheap crappy hotel with no tree on Christmas day. But I've never done it, maybe it would be alright. That's partly why I'm asking here.

We are putting "turns" on hold this year.and restarting next year. We're avoiding all grandparents as don't want to risk passing anything on. I guess you might want to consider how risky seeing grandparents is. If they are in their 80s, probably best to avoid them completely. If in their 50s and healthy, I might risk it.

GPs (actually our parents) are all in 70s and all in ok health, one was cautiously shielding at first but isn't officially considered particularly high risk etc

I don't love the idea of the kids waking up in some cheap crappy hotel with no tree on Christmas day.
If you have young kids I definitely wouldnt do this. At last get a nice air bb.

GPs2 would be happy to have us and are in better health generally plus taking lots of risks / seeing lots of people

There’s kids involved? Stay home.

Suspend the turn taking for the year and pick up where you left off next year.

@Neolara

We are putting "turns" on hold this year.and restarting next year. We're avoiding all grandparents as don't want to risk passing anything on. I guess you might want to consider how risky seeing grandparents is. If they are in their 80s, probably best to avoid them completely. If in their 50s and healthy, I might risk it.

I'd do exactly this. Pause turns this year and do your own thing at home. It's hopefully just for one year only.

@KitKatastrophe sadly no nice Airbnbs near GPs 1 within our budget, at least last time I checked!

To answer a question, DH and I are effectively isolating anyway, but DCs will be at school until 18th.

We have suspended turn taking this year. Both sets of Grandparents when asked said they prefer to be cautious about seeing our children so we are taking this opportunity for a Christmas that is just our household- meaning food, activities, bedtimes etc to suit our children, zoom board games/present opening/chat and a promise of family gatherings at Easter or over the summer. I’m strangely looking forward to it.

In your scenario i would start by talking to GP1 and offering/pushing to postpone their turn until a much more normal Christmas next year. Assuming they agreed I’d probably then do option 1 or possibly 4.

In option 3 you mention siblings and their kids who live near GPs. Would it be possible to stay with them and all of you arrange to see Gps1 in a socially distanced way? That way your kids get to have Christmas with their cousins and see their grandparents safely.

I wouldn't personally choose to stay in a cheap hotel for Christmas under current circumstances. I think you would have more fun at home.

To me, it’s two slightly different issues, that should be thought of one at a time:

1. Do you see GPs1 with the stipulations that will be in place (hotel, proper SD etc)?

2. If you decide no to seeing GPs1 then what to do instead.

With regards 1), I wouldn’t be going. I think that if GPs1 are that vulnerable/ nervous it just won’t be much fun for anyone, especially your children. There’s always next year.

What you do instead I don’t think really has any bearing on that. In my opinion it would be very selfish of GPs1 to begrudge their grandchildren a family Christmas with the other side just because it would usually be their ‘turn’. Therefore, if you and GPs2 are all comfortable with the risks and want to see other then I would do that.

Good luck with your decision. I have a feeling that these boards are going to be full of similar conundrums over the coming weeks!

I would ask GP1 whether they want to host you but make it clear that you will not be staying in a hotel , it’s their house or not at all . If they don’t want that then tell them you will do GP2 again this year but will then come to them next year .

Thanks all.

For a bit more info:

We have ended up having a few Christmases at home already recently - the two years before last year, we ended up at home for reasons I won't go into here - so it's not particularly novel and this year I think we were all looking forward to seeing family, last year we had a really nice time seeing family. Otherwise I'd be much more up for just staying at home.

Unfortunately I don't think staying with sibling is a viable option. We'd have to bring our own beds etc to sleep on and there isn't really a good space for us to have (a tiny cold room for 4 of us perhaps). It's just a lot of hassle and discomfort, I'd rather be in a hotel.

@Sandsnake I appreciate what you're saying, it's tricky as GPs1 aren't saying don't come, they are saying come - but don't stay.

We have only seen GPs1 3 times in 18 months if that makes any difference. We've probably seen GPs 2 twice or three times as much.

I would ask GP1 whether they want to host you but make it clear that you will not be staying in a hotel , it’s their house or not at all

Ideally yes, but I would feel we were basically emotionally blackmailing them into something they may not be ok with, "you can see us but only if we stay with you". They aren't brilliant communicators and struggle to be articulate your they feel at the best of times...

@nanbread but why should you go to the inconvenience of a hotel / rental and frankly if you will be in their house for dinner etc then you may as well stay . If the suggestion is you go down and basically meet outside but then provide for yourselves / entertain yourself in a rental / hotel than that’s pretty selfish of them . Thai year has been crappy for lots of people and your dc are entitled to a nice Christmas .

I would go for option 1 and then visit them around Easter.

Stay at home for Xmas and plan an extended summer tour of elderly relatives.

Option 1. Stay home safe, and see them when the weather is better and there is a vaccine.

Thanks all. Think we will probably stay put, but it all feels a bit crap. Pretty lonely living this way.

I should say they aren't elderly relatives, they are our parents!

Bear in mind that you could only see GPs and one sibling plus family, because it's rule of 3. Then, those people couldn't see anyone else. Does that make things tricky for those that live near GP1?

If GPs2 are seeing lots of people they could be at risk of passing it to you.

Option 1