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The effect of this year on social relationships and community

27 replies

inuet · 19/11/2020 14:32

I realise the "official" image is of cosy communities pulling together, of children drawing rainbows and of local food delivery groups. I live in a rural village and so far have had the early 12 week period of strict restrictions, and am now weeks into a further period of similar restrictions, no social gatherings etc, which may be extended.
I used to love the place I moved to. It was warm and welcoming and I felt for the first time in my life (I moved here last year from abroad) that I belonged and was accepted. Before I say this let me make one thing clear before the coronaqueens descend. In saying this I am not suggesting there should not have been these restrictions. I am just pointing out some consequences for me. I live alone, and the social fabric of where I live has been absolutely ripped to shreds, from people twitching curtains and finger pointing in lockdown one, to people going mad from loneliness, ignoring each other, getting angry and forgetting how to interact. There are old people who used to get out and about who have as good as curled up and died, single middle aged and younger people really suffering with loneliness and this all-pervading sense of everyone retreating into themselves. There is a FB group locally and it is all just Cath Kidston -wearing Mums with their 4 by 4s going on and on about how "it is ok to feel sad" and posting drivel about how "we Weill all get through this" while congratulating themselves on how empathetic they are. My only real friend here lost their job and is moving several time zones away and I fell completely lost and adrift in life. I wondered if anyone else felt the same?

OP posts:
psychomath · 21/11/2020 09:16

I think it must depend quite a lot on where you live. Being in a city I never had that much community feeling anyway, and the anonymity means there's less sense that your neighbours are watching you constantly. People are a bit more gloomy out and about but it doesn't feel like a drastic change. I would really struggle if I lived in a place where everyone knew me - it's not my ideal at the best of times, but being surrounded by curtain-twitchers and people posting photos of me to social media would have driven me over the edge this year.

lazylinguist · 21/11/2020 09:30

I live in a rural-ish village and tbh I haven't really noticed what you describe, OP. Obviously it makes a massive difference that I live with dh and my dc, not alone. Also, the dc are still going to school and dh and I both still going to work.

However, I haven't seen any evidence at all of anger, ignoring people, curtain twitching (with one exception who got very militant about the NHS clapping), madness from being lonely, forgetting how to interact etc. I see people (including elderly people) out and about a lot in the village, walking their dogs, taking their dc to school, going to the village shop etc. Tbh it feels surprisingly normal. Everyone is as friendly as usual.

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