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Covid

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Original poster

Students coming home

44 replies

Flossie44 · 15/11/2020 19:00

Ds is a student. He is 7 hours away from home. He will be tested as he leaves. He then travels by 3 trains and a tube to get home.

My two children who are living at home are both in the extremely clinically vulnerable category. We’ve had no one inside our home since March.

I’m concerned that despite ds probably resting neg on the instant test when leaving uni, he will then use public transport for many hours, public loos, coffee shops etc etc before finally getting home. So isn’t the test pointless? If he’s then travelling home??

What do we do?!

I need talking down. Please be kind as this is really bothering me. I’m torn between my children. I want them all home with me for Christmas..but it’s almost like I’m having to choose.

OP posts:

Herja · 16/11/2020 09:57

He doesn't get to tell you 'it's all cool and you're overreacting'. He is still young, your son and it's Christmas, so he's thinking like a selfish teen rather than the responsible adult he needs to be. Which is very understandable, but doesn't mean it can happen. He doesn't get a veto.

He needs to take proper precautions. He is not. The decisions you make, with that in mind, are not up to him.

joystir59 · 16/11/2020 10:01

He is a man! Set your own terms for your household and let him take it or leave it. I would not be dictated to by him.

User158340 · 16/11/2020 10:07

The bigger problem will be when they all go back again in January and spread it all around cities and university towns again after Christmas.

User158340 · 16/11/2020 10:16

@Flossie44

Thank you all so much.

He’s 23! He lives in a house with 7 others and parties like the rest of them!!
His girlfriend lives in London and is adamant he’s seeing her on route home. It’s really stressing me. He knows the situation with his siblings but says I’m over reacting with him and ‘it’s all cool, mum!’
I’ve mentioned he stays with his girlfriend for christmas and we see him in a few months when hopefully things will be easier. He’s refused! I feel like I’m letting him down by even thinking this way, but I feel he’s being arrogant and selfish by not taking this seriously!!
I said he needs to isolate at home and we will pay for a test after 10 days. He’s furious that he will have to do This!!

I just feel bullied. And worn down. But ultimately I want to keep my two vulnerable children safe. I feel he thinks I’m choosing them over him!!

I'd tell him to stay away to be honest if he won't follow the rules and can't be trusted. You've got the rest of your family to consider.

But then I know of people who are seriously ill in hospital at the moment after contracting a virus that has spread in large part due to the carefree partying students. Cases were near zero before September here and the students don't care.

bathsh3ba · 16/11/2020 10:20

If he was 18 and it was his first year, or if your other children weren't CEV, then I might feel differently, but at 23, he is more than old enough to spend Christmas with friends/his girlfriend. He wants to come home and be looked after but not make any concessions to the pandemic situation, which is just not fair when it could have such an impact on his siblings. The loving thing to do here is to tell him sorry, he can't come home unless he comes directly home from university, quarantines and then re-tests. He'll realise that when he grows up a bit. (Spoken from experience.)

Badbadbunny · 16/11/2020 10:21

@User158340

The bigger problem will be when they all go back again in January and spread it all around cities and university towns again after Christmas.

Exactly. I really hope that this time, the Unis test ALL returning students upon arrival, even if they have to stagger return dates. It was stupidity back in September when students were converging from all over the UK into Universities, without being tested, after a month or so of rising infections.

Badbadbunny · 16/11/2020 10:24

carefree partying students

Over the past two weeks at my son's Uni, the number of staff testing positive has been higher than the number of students. Considering most of the teaching staff/lecturers havn't set foot on campus this term, so there are relatively few staff (a small fraction of the number of students living on campus), it makes you wonder what the few staff on site have been doing to pass it around - perhaps it's they who've been partying?

giletrouge · 16/11/2020 10:24

What does he say when you point out that he's putting his ECV siblings at risk?
If it's along the lines of 'It's all cool' I think it's time you stood up to him and pointed out that it damn well isn't cool and perhaps if he's non-compliant you need to spend Christmas apart this year. You say you're feeling bullied. Tell him you feel he's bullying you. Stand up to him.

FamilyOfAliens · 16/11/2020 10:30

Just a thought - maybe he actually wants you to say you’re ok with him spending Christmas with his girlfriend and is just waiting for you to suggest it.

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 16/11/2020 11:02

He's being very selfish and he's 23, not 18!
My dh is extremely vulnerable and dd will do whatever is asked of her to keep him safe, there's no way she'd behave like your ds!
In your shoes I'd be really annoyed with his selfish attitude!

gungholierthanthou · 16/11/2020 18:19

Blimey, I've just seen your update about him visiting his girlfriend! You should absolutely put your foot down OP and tell him he isn't coming home for Christmas.

Original poster

Flossie44 · 16/11/2020 18:52

Just text him and asked him to come
Home first and then go see her on way back. He’s refused and said he will see her as planned and then come home to isolate for 14 days.
He told us before that ‘when I come home to isolate, we could all have dinner and then I could go back to my room’. So he has no plans whatsoever of isolating!! We’ve even offered him my daughters room for 14 days as she has an en suite. Still not good enough!!

OP posts:

LemonTT · 16/11/2020 18:59

@Flossie44

Just text him and asked him to come Home first and then go see her on way back. He’s refused and said he will see her as planned and then come home to isolate for 14 days. He told us before that ‘when I come home to isolate, we could all have dinner and then I could go back to my room’. So he has no plans whatsoever of isolating!! We’ve even offered him my daughters room for 14 days as she has an en suite. Still not good enough!!

You need to see this as his decision and make him see it too

I would reply to him that you are sorry this option doesn’t work for him and you don’t think his counter solution is workable or safe. Then ask him to let you know what he will be doing now as you can’t work around his commitment to his girlfriend.

ARoseByAnyUsername · 16/11/2020 19:40

Oh my Lord! You do not need to offer him anything! Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that he can either not come at all, or come in the way that is safest for his siblings.

I'm sure he's a good kid and of course he wants to come home and of course he wants to see his GF. But there's a lot I want to do too, but I can't.
You know, because there's this little virus going round just now. He is being too blasé.

throwaway100000 · 16/11/2020 19:55

Wow. I’m the same age as him and think he sounds immature & irresponsible.

If he won’t go straight to yours after his test, ask him to stay with his girlfriend/at his flat over Christmas. With seven flat mates I’m sure he won’t be alone. If he is, he can invite her over as lockdown may be over by then. As a young adult, spending Christmas with good friends/your partner can be more enjoyable than family anyway. You can always post him gifts/snacks and FaceTime etc.

Tell him it’s not that you’re choosing his siblings over him, it’s that he’s not being a team player and you can’t risk harm to them for the sake of it. It’s where they live too so they can’t really avoid potential transmission

throwaway100000 · 16/11/2020 20:05

Missed the update.

I’m guessing she’s spending Christmas elsewhere so that’s the only time they’re both free, which is why he won’t rearrange.

That’s fine, but be clear that he can’t come to yours. I think his visit is pointless frankly. He’s spending 14 days barricaded in his room separated from the rest of you.

Would he consider visiting her then taking his instant test afterwards?

User158340 · 16/11/2020 20:42

@Flossie44

Just text him and asked him to come Home first and then go see her on way back. He’s refused and said he will see her as planned and then come home to isolate for 14 days. He told us before that ‘when I come home to isolate, we could all have dinner and then I could go back to my room’. So he has no plans whatsoever of isolating!! We’ve even offered him my daughters room for 14 days as she has an en suite. Still not good enough!!

Don't put your other children at risk. He sounds like a reckless Covidiot with no respect for you or his siblings.

Chasingpandas · 16/11/2020 20:44

He might not even be allowed to see his gf if London go into tier 2 after this lockdown.

User158340 · 16/11/2020 20:45

@Chasingpandas

He might not even be allowed to see his gf if London go into tier 2 after this lockdown.

Like he'd give a shit. People like this don't care about rules or anyone but themselves.

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