To have said no

[SleepIsAThingOfThePast]

My DB moved in with me, DH and DS in January. He has 2 DC with his EX. During lockdown 1 he went to their house to see them. When lockdown ended and the cases came down, we agreed that as long as they were being sensible they could come round a few nights a week. However on Wednesday DB told me that his DC1 had been in close contact (very close) with someone who tested positive so we agreed that it would be best that his other DC didn't come round either. Tonight he turned up with his DC (one not self isolating) and I explained we agreed that DC wasn't coming round. They both left. DB wasn't nasty but I could tell he was pissed off and now I feel shit as I feel I am telling him that both him and his children aren't welcome, but my gut told me to protect my DS.

Was I wrong to turn them away? I just feel so shitty as rolls reversed i dont think he would do that to me. Sorry for the long post as well.

How old was the DC?

8+12

Sorry. 8 year old came today

Then it's fine to say no. If they were younger I wouldn't judge them a risk. Personally I don't think that there is a risk to children, but we should do what we can to keep the schools open.

I wouldn't have sent them away, but many would probably disagree with me.

I just couldn't send my sibling and their child off like that.

What part of 'self isolate' doesn't he get?

@annabel85

What part of 'self isolate' doesn't he get?

The child is the sibling of the one isolating, so he doesn't have to isolate.

@SleepIsAThingOfThePast

Difficult situation, but your brother caused it, you'd already discussed it.

If he had no where to go then I wouldn't have sent him away. He is having both DC at his ex house tonight anyway as she is working so he has to stay there due to other DC self isolating.

I wouldn't feel bad. You agreed on Wednesday that neither DC could come round and he has ridden roughshod over that agreement. I'd be annoyed with him for not telephoning to ask if he could bring DC2 in light of that agreement.

You did the right thing. Best to set the boundary now, he’ll get over it. On the other hand if you’d got covid, you’d have been really hacked off with him for a fair while! I’m sure he’ll work out that he shouldn’t have turned up without checking.

Thank you everyone. He is not due back now until Sunday as he has his DC at his ex every weekend while she works. Will find out Sunday if I am forgiven

@SleepIsAThingOfThePast

Thank you everyone. He is not due back now until Sunday as he has his DC at his ex every weekend while she works. Will find out Sunday if I am forgiven

He should be wondered if you will forgive him, not the other way around! Is he hard of thinking?

Why should YOU be forgiven? He's the one who went back on what you agreed. Control that narrative!

I think you are being a little bit over the top, that child hasn't been near anyone who's positive. Your DC could be sat next to a child in school who's sibling is isolating, you or your DH could be working with someone who has a child isolating. I feel sorry for the kid you have turned away YABU in my opinion

on Wednesday DB told me that his DC1 had been in close contact (very close) with someone who tested positive so we agreed that it would be best that his other DC didn't come round either.

So after agreeing .. he chose to ignore this agreement and now you're worried HE won't forgive YOU.. I'd be telling him to be fecking reasonable, and if he can't agree, he can find somewhere else to lay his weary head.

So he’s spending the whole weekend with an isolating child but you’re not worried about that? If he’s going to catch it from his own children that will happen whether he is in or out of your house. Subsequently you will probably get it too.

So the 8 year old has been in contact with someone who has been in contact with someome who tested positive so cant come, but your db who has now been in contact with them can come back sunday?