AIBU or is DH

[saywhatwhatnow]

DH is a key worker and has worked all the way through this shit show. No positive tests until this week (we are in the south so fairly low numbers). However this week two of his staff members have received positive tests, they both only have very mild symptoms (not those listed as key symptoms) and only tested as close family members received positive tests. They did not catch it from work. DH worked with them both whilst they would've been contagious albeit with work precautions in place and socially distanced, so need to isolate or get tested himself. Two more are awaiting test results.

DH has now turned round to me and said that we shouldn't see anyone for at least the next two weeks so we don't pass anything on, and so there is no risk of him catching it and needing time off. He's said numbers are ramping up quickly in his work so probably are in the community too. He is under immense pressure at work, they are incredibly understaffed and under supported due to lots of people now going off shielding again. His boss is pretty incompetent so DH is ploughing through as best he can. He seems very stressed, and now very anxious, and I'm trying to support him as best i can.

But I don't feel we need to stop seeing people completely. I'm on maternity leave (although have been made redundant so not going back to work for a while) and have a 2yo and 9mo. I can't go through another indefinite period of not seeing anyone. I am only talking about seeing one other person outside a according to the rules, like my mum, or a couple of my friends who also have small children. He also doesn't want us to go to any of the limited classes that are still running. I'm open with my friends/family and obviously they can decide if they want to meet us themselves, they are educated adults able to risk take.

We had a heated discussion about it last night as I understand that he doesn't want to contribute to the spread or actually need time off himself as it would add to his workload. I don't feel he's actually anxious about getting sick or anything. But I'm aware this could go on for a very long time.

Sorry it's so long, I think I needed to vent. Anyway what should I do for the best?

What limited classes are running?

You sound like everyone did at the start of our infection rate rising, here in Liverpool. It depends on if you care about hospital capacity. But no, you should be limiting your contact and warning those that you do see. It started slowly in workplaces here, but people carried on mixing. The hospital admissions are from 40 years old. Deaths aren't everything. We have cancelled surgery for cancer patients and all no emergency surgery. People are being left in pain.

Your DH is right.

Some of our music and toddler groups are running at a limited capacity.

However this week two of his staff members have received positive tests, they both only have very mild symptoms (not those listed as key symptoms) and only tested as close family members received positive tests

I didn’t think you could get tests unless you had one of the 3 key symptoms? Can you just get a test if a family member is positive then even if you don’t?

@Redlocks28 I'm presuming they lied? Although I don't think you have to say what symptoms you have when you book a test.

If they work in the NHS they can get in-house tests more readily than publicly available tests. Certainly that's true where I work. I would say he needs to isolate, but I'm confused about whether you need to as well. I hope he remains well.

He's not in the nhs so no regular testing, and doesn't need to isolate as he hasn't had sustained contact with either of them.

The guidance we had from school (who were advised by PHE) when my DD's bubble burst was that primary contacts need to isolate, but secondary contacts do not. So the children in that year group couldn't leave the house for a fortnight, whereas their families could continue with business as usual (as far as possible with a child at home!) So if your DH is a direct contact of a positive case he ought to isolate at home, technically from you and the DC too (much harder in practice than in theory!) Good luck to you all, hope you stay well.

There are so many points in your OP I take issue with, but in summary I totally agree with your husband (and I have been relatively relaxed throughout).

I’m with your DH here you should be very careful about seeing anyone. If you socially distance properly you should be fine to go on a walk with someone but warn them first so they can decide for themselves. But please do not go to any indoor baby classes, it’s so easy to spread it there and I would be so annoyed with you if I was there.

I think you’re OK meeting one other person outside, but I don’t think you should be going to any groups.

We are in lockdown anyway, so you should not be mixing with anyone for the next 4 weeks regardless.

Surely music and toddler groups are breaking lockdown rules? Nothing like that should be happening and if it is you should not go.

Meeting just your mum outdoors at a distance should be okay.

I think YABU and should wind back as a minimum. If it's not outside then don't do it. I think this wave is likely going to be harder to deal with even if less people appear to be dying. Nobody really knows what's going to happen so if we prepare for the worst then hopefully it won't be that bad.

I wouldn't feel bad if nothing you are doing is against the guidelines.
In my place of work if one of my colleagues tested positive as long as i wore PPE while working alongside this person then i am deemed safe and in no need of isolating or a test which i find ridiculous.

Toddler and music classes should not be running.

Your husband is right. See your mum for a walk but the rest is unnecessary

Sorry should've said I won't be meeting anyone indoors obviously, and I'm not booked on to any classes anyway.

I would just like to take the kids to the park and chat to a friend there. Which is legally ok. But I understand everyone's points.

@oo0Tinkerbell0oo yes similar for him. As long as socially distance (1m for less than 60s or 2m for 5mins I think) and wearing masks then legally its ok to carry on as normal despite positive tests.

I guess my fear is that people keep getting positive tests at his workplace over the winter, and he still doesn't want us to socialise at all (according to the law obviously). I'm not sure I'll cope very well. I am considering putting DS1 in nursery just so he can socialise.

I know people have it much much worse than me at the moment, and I'm very lucky but I still feel a bit rubbish about this prospect.

You said it yourself DH needs to isolate and get tested himself

I would assume he has already been infected, and I would isolate as far as practicable for the next 14 days, and review the situation then. 14 days isn't forever. Everyone at his work should take extra precautions - like wear a mask if they don't already - because the virus will be in the air at work if its not ventilated.

What about self-isolate do you not understand?

It's really stupid. My DM went on holiday (I know ) so I looked after her cat. She had to quarantine for two weeks afterwards. I had to decide whether to go home the night before she came back, or stay for the extra two weeks.

I decided to stay. Then on closer inspection of the guidelines, found I was allowed to carry on and go out as normal, even though DM was quarantined and could easily have it from the plane, airport or hotel. Even worse if it was a boyfriend that had been away - we could shag like rabbits on his return, I catch it and go out and spread it, making it pointless for him to be in quarantine. Fwiw I didn't go out, she's too rural and I don't drive and wasn't going to get public transport. It didn't seem worth it in case I picked it up and spread it in the community. No real advice, just saying the system doesn't seem to work or be logical or consistent!

They did not catch it from work.

How can you possibly know that?

And, if you want to ignore what your "stressed, anxious" DH has asked you to do, I would say that you're not actually supporting him "as best you can"

@wobblywindows sorry I meant 'no need to self isolate or test'.

ah ok, just seen your update OP, (no need to self-isolate or test)

I would still assume he's been infected. Count 5 full days from when he was exposed at work (sounds dreadfully rude) and be extra watchful for those 5 days - sore throat, anything like that.

That's really the minimum time an infection would take to show. If you can keep it together for those 5 days maybe your DH will feel more comfortable with your support and better able to get his head round the situation. I'd be very stressed to find 2 of my work colleagues went down with it, and worrying I might be next.