DH still seeing his friend indoors

[Trousersareoverrated]

DH and I are friends with a couple who are really struggling with their mental health. DH is particularly close to the husband who has disclosed to DH that he felt suicidal last week and is in a very dark place at the moment.

One of the things that seems to help him is seeing friends - and in particular DH who encourages him to talk through his feelings but also once he has had a good cry he and DH usually end up really having a good laugh together and the fun they have socialising really lifts his spirits. The wife often encourages him to phone DH when he is down. She is struggling with the thought of no real support and dealing with her DH’s depression during the lockdown- they also have a young child.

So my question is - would it be reasonable to DH to continue to visit his friend socially in their home? Under the new rules would this be allowed as it helps his friend with his mental health? Of course they could meet outside for a walk but friend would not feel comfortable opening up, and due to weather it may not be feasible or comfortable to spend a lot of time together. DH is unsure.

Under the new rules then no, but lockdown is supposed to be about saving lives and if we end up losing a life due to suicide then surely that’s worse than the alternative!

Suicide kills and your DH is being a friend. I would class that that 'care'.

@MrsTerryPratchett

Suicide kills and your DH is being a friend. I would class that that 'care'.

I agree. I would say though that getting outside is good for your mental health, so I would encourage them to meet outside as much as is ever going to be feasible in November!

I would say it's essential that they keep meeting - it sounds like it's probably saving his friend's life.

It’s not allowed but please do it anyway. His friends sounds like he really needs it.

"Officially" not allowed as the friend would have to be a single adult household. However, in this case I would definitely break the rules. My MIL and FIL are disabled and have numerous serious health conditions, they can easily live alone and get around the house but need support with shopping and random help in the house. Our family have decided on one 1 person (SIL) still being able to go around for that support. So it's breaking the rules but without her they would really struggle to get any food, sort out various technology problems, ordering stuff online, paying bills and reading some letters.

Care to a vulnerable person--allowed.

This counts as a support for a vulnerable person, and there is a specific exemption in law for it.

If the friend is suicidal then imo your DH is offering support, this is within the guidelines

Thanks all! I think DH’s worry is that on the days when friend is ‘ok’ but DH visits and they have a few beers and a laugh then it isn’t really ‘support’ - but I think it is continuing with that level of contact that will help him stop falling into a depression again.

Friend has a long history of MH problems. He has a crisis team and is unable to work at the moment because of MH so I feel it is very important that we are there for him when we can.

I wouldn't think twice about visiting them. He's clearly vunerable and needs the contact.

It's amazing what an hour of company and friendship can do x

It is absolutely support. I have depression and on bad days this is what I really need and pre-covid what stopped me from having too many bad days. Your DH shouldn’t feel guilty about it he will be helping his friend even if they’re just watching tv together.

Absolutely let him do it. And good for anyone else that does

What I think is walking and getting out can also help depression (have it also) so maybe could go a walk together and talk if he is feeling up to it perhaps

For care purposes it's allowed, they specifically mentioned mental health issues this time too. I am going to visit my dd on these grounds (she's on high dose anti depressants)

Yep I agree, he is offering care and support.

He could supplement this with some walks with him outside for fresh air? That is good for mental health, especially this time of year. Does he exercise? They could run or go for a bike ride together. I saw people sat outside today having coffee in the sunshine so that seems to be ok to still do!

We have a friend in a similar mindset and I have insisted that this friend absolutely is still to socialise with us as I couldn't face myself in the mirror if we said no to him and he killed himself. In fact we have 2 single people joined to our household for this reason.

I can't fathom how a human could look at a friend struggling with suicidal thoughts and tell them "covid says no" fuck that!

I think it's amazing your DH is supporting his friend so well. It must be a very stressful time and I'm sure it's allowed under 'supporting a vulnerable person'. I'm sure no reasonable person could argue that what he is doing is wrong.

It comes under care/support of a vulnerable person. I have a friend who provides support to me, despite the fact I live with a partner as does she. Neither of us go in each others houses, but she does help me with some of the things I cant deal with alone (I'm autistic and certain activities like shops i can't manage on my own). Its vital for my mental health that I have some form of out of home socialisation, I was only just getting back to anywhere nearly close to where I was before lockdown in the last few weeks and the lack of human contact would set me right back again. (It took her years to get me to give her a hug in the first place and was still flinching when she touched my shoulder Friday)