Covid panic please talk me down!

[BasinHaircut]

I’m usually fairly level headed but this has sent me into a spin.

Yesterday I delivered shopping to a very elderly family member, as I have every week since the start of the first lockdown. I go in, unpack shopping, stay for 15-20 mins for a chat.

Anyway, I’m leaving said elderly persons house yesterday I receive a text from my gym trainer that one of the other trainers (who was training someone right next to me last Thursday) tested positive for Covid on Saturday and as a result the gym has been shut for a full deep clean.

If I had received this text 30 minutes earlier I would not have gone into the house other than to dump the shopping in the counter tops as they are not able to do the bending down required for me to leave at the door. Now I’m stressing that I’ve potentially infected my family member! I wouldn’t normally be so worried but they are 90 years old.

Now the gym are pretty good on cleaning generally but it has probably got slightly relaxed of late if I’m completely honest. It’s not a chain gym it’s a stand-alone and there is no formal track and trace set up/scan in stuff so I’ve only been notified informally of the potential exposure.

I don’t think there is anything I can do (not eligible for a test as no symptoms but now I’m panicking!

5 of my sons work colleagues tested positive, the other 30 plus staff didn’t get it, so hopefully you won’t. The firm arranged for everyone to have private tests.

Did you wear a mask and stay more than 2 metres away from elderly relative.

If you are really concerned ring 119 and ask if you can have a test, or whilst I don’t suggest you lie to get a test, there does seem to be plenty of testing capacity at the moment.

No mask but did keep a distance.

I’d rather not lie and I will be tested next week anyway as supposed to be having surgery so need to be tested 3 days before.

Make sure elderly relative has, and is taking, vitamin D capsules.

Wear a mask in future.

Well it's done now.

But unless you come down with symptoms in the next 48 hours it's very unlikely that you would have infected your relative, even if (and it's a big if) you have caught it.

And yes, in future wear a mask or, if you cant, open a window. Chatting to elderly relatives in person is generally a good thing, esp if they are isolated, so you shouldn't feel bad for that.

I cannot believe that people are still going into 90 year old relatives houses with no mask, knowing that they are going to the gym/shops etc. I despair.

It can be quite difficult to talk to an elderly relative with a mask on @Ijustcantcope, esp if they have some degree of hearing loss.

My dad is profoundly deaf. It's either no mask or not talking with him.

When I visited my elderly DF I had to keep taking my mask off to speak as he hadn’t a clue what I was saying, I think a lot of elderly people rely on a bit of lip reading.

@Ijustcantcope

I cannot believe that people are still going into 90 year old relatives houses with no mask, knowing that they are going to the gym/shops etc. I despair.

I go into my 90 year old grandmothers house without a mask as she is almost completely deaf and relies primarily on lip reading. I have tried saying I won’t visit but a) she needs some personal care and b) she says she’d rather be dead than stuck in her house without seeing anyone.

It's so passive aggressive when people come on a thread and make a general comment about something they despair of rather than directly talking to the OP. Particularly when the OP has basically said 'help I am panicking'.

OP there are a lot of steps between your elderly relative getting really ill from covid this way. You have to have got it from the trainer (no sign of that). Then you have to have given it to your relative. Then your relative has to have the bad reaction to Covid and get seriously ill, which is not at all a given. As a PP said, make sure they are taking vit D. There is some evidence canobidiol can prevent the severe immune response too (it's very expensive now though for obvious reasons!).

Thanks @ThePlantsitter. I have to keep in mind that there are a lot of ‘what if’s’ between the gym trainer and my relative becoming seriously ill.

If I had by chance cough Covid last Thursday, I might not have even become infectious yet anyway. I don’t have any symptoms to suggest I’ve caught it so far.

I’m not wearing a mask to visit because as others have said it makes it difficult to communicate. I try to keep my distance and not touch anything unless I need to but I am providing the care she needs in the form of shopping and the occasional odd job she has for me.

Distance is much more important than a mask anyway, OP.

People do make a lot of excuses. Clear masks can be acquired relatively easily, you just have to look for them and be prepared to pay. How much is your relative's life worth to you? www.ndcs.org.uk/blog/clear-face-masks-and-face-coverings-where-to-buy-and-what-to-look-for/

Yes they not perfect or as good as surgical masks - but they are better than nothing.

You really should wear a mask. It’s just not worth the panic you’re feeling right now.

And this may not be the last moment either. You could be completely asymptomatic. You could be one of the 50,000 people contracting the virus every day in the UK and wouldn’t know it.

@ThePlantsitter

It's so passive aggressive when people come on a thread and make a general comment about something they despair of rather than directly talking to the OP. Particularly when the OP has basically said 'help I am panicking'.

OP there are a lot of steps between your elderly relative getting really ill from covid this way. You have to have got it from the trainer (no sign of that). Then you have to have given it to your relative. Then your relative has to have the bad reaction to Covid and get seriously ill, which is not at all a given. As a PP said, make sure they are taking vit D. There is some evidence canobidiol can prevent the severe immune response too (it's very expensive now though for obvious reasons!).

OP is panicking but also unwilling to change her future behaviour re: mask wearing You may as well just shrug at that point “OK, but you’re not actually doing everything you can to safeguard your relative.” I accept that that’s her own decision, for different reasons, but there’s not much more to say or advise at that point.

Redolent sure. I just think 'you really should wear a mask' is different from saying 'people are really not wearing masks? I despair.'

One is advice for the future, the other is smug judgement designed to make the OP feel bad - and totally not helpful.

Again, my dad cant lip read if you wear a see-though mask @alreadytaken - he's become profoundly deaf later in life so his lip reading isnt that good and he cant do anything like sign.

And if he cant work out what you're saying he comes closer to you to see - and gets very upset. So your genius plan doesnt work in his case

If you have tried it, porcupine, then you keep your distance, get him hearing aids, text messages to him. There are plenty of workarounds that dont require you to get close to a vulnerable person. Would you rather him distressed for a while or dead?

And clear masks work for other people, who may not have tried it because they havent realised they are available.

Are your elderly relatives taking vitamin D supplements? Have you told them to take more at any sign of covid symptoms? All my elderly relatives have been told and have supplements.

Would you rather him distressed for a while or dead?

Not quite that simple though is it? My grandmother is 90, quite frankly she won’t live too much longer anyway. Would anyone rather she was distressed and unable to see her loved ones for the latter part of her life?
Anyway it’s irrelevant what I want, I take my lead from her. When I wore a mask she told me to take the ridiculous thing off as she wanted to talk to me properly.
She went to a wedding yesterday, 15 people. Stayed at the hotel afterwards before the closure today. Had a great time. Her choice.

And her choice will, if she contracts covid, deprive more than one other person of healthcare - because covid patients require more resources than non covid patients. Unless she is happy to drown in her own secretions at home and you are happy to see that. If she's lucky the blood clotting effects and the strain on her heart will finish her off first.

Grandmothers can still see their relatives safely, wearing a mask and staying apart.

I hadn’t realised that see through masks existed!

Will have a look into them thanks.

@alreadytaken

And her choice will, if she contracts covid, deprive more than one other person of healthcare - because covid patients require more resources than non covid patients. Unless she is happy to drown in her own secretions at home and you are happy to see that. If she's lucky the blood clotting effects and the strain on her heart will finish her off first.

Grandmothers can still see their relatives safely, wearing a mask and staying apart.

Whether I’m ‘happy’ to see that or not is irrelevant, it is her choice and I cannot tell her not to go to her granddaughters wedding.

And I’m fairly sure if she was to contract Covid (again, she had it in March very mildly) then the medical support she’d be offered would be limited anyway.

@alreadytaken he wont wear his hearing aids and, honestly, they dont do much for him (profoundly deaf is his diagnosis, not a description). He wont do distancing as his dementia doesnt allow him to remember that he should.

I think you're just going to have to accept that we have thought of all this and you arent adding anything helpful in his case. His choices are - total isolation or risk of infection from me/my mum.

You'll be pleased to learn though that we have no intention of him "taking up valuable nhs resources" if he becomes infected. He has advanced heart disease, diabetes, incipient kidney failure and dementia. Hopefully it will be quick and not too distressing an end.