The loneliness is really creeping up

[Crushrush82]

Not in a depressed way. I just feel covid ruined the start of a positive change for me.

My daughter was in reception. Spring was beginning. I was really looking forward to our first summer of mingling. I was just getting to know a couple of school mums. I also wanted my toddler to mix with one of the school mums toddlers.

Half term hasn't been horrible but it hasn't been much fun. I've done painting and stuff with my daughter. We've had walks and stuff. But we've literally seen nobody. Partly the weather. Partly because we can't really mingle. Partly money.

Sometimes I sit here and think omg I've not sat and spoke to another adult in weeks. Only on the phone. Even on the school run we can't chat. We have to wear masks and queue. So all the nice chitchat has been removed.

I always find it a little miserable at this time of the year. Everything is closing up. You can't hang out the washing or sit in the garden after tea. It massively helped just being able to talk across to neighbours and things in the warmer months. I would take a cup of tea in the front garden with the kids so we could speak to anyone who randomly wanted a talk. I literally don't know what my life has become.

Just wondered if anyone else is feeling abit lonely?

Either that or I just don't have friends.

It can be a peculiar kind of loneliness with small children. I almost felt less alone being completely by myself at times. Not sure how to describe this

I think it is the way you can't switch off and need attention, so can't just get lost in own thoughts. But also get distracted. Hard to explain. Getting easier as they are older but still there, like a background noise of thoughts, mundane things like what to have for dinner, etc

@orangeblossom7777 that describes it 100%, I know completely what you mean.

I'm so lonely yet I also crave time alone.

I think half term has made it worse although one of mine is pre-school age so the feeling is still there in term time.

Also I crave adult conversation yet when I get the rare opportunity I have nothing to bloody talk about.

@Orangeblossom7777

It can be a peculiar kind of loneliness with small children. I almost felt less alone being completely by myself at times. Not sure how to describe this

I think it is the way you can't switch off and need attention, so can't just get lost in own thoughts. But also get distracted. Hard to explain. Getting easier as they are older but still there, like a background noise of thoughts, mundane things like what to have for dinner, etc

That describes it perfectly. You're never alone but still so lonely. I crave adult conversation all day but by the time my DP gets in from work I'm so exhausted from a day of 2 kids and a baby I can't be bothered to talk to him and just want quiet time. Horrible!

@olivesonapizza yes also not much to talk about. Also I want to scream when my DP says "so what have you been up to?"

Loneliness here too. Feel very ignored by other parents at the school gate even just saying hi seems to be a effort. It feels very sad to be in such crisis but not able to mix with anyone. I suppose it is something we will have to cope with but it is interesting that others feel the same.

[quote Jrobhatch29]@olivesonapizza yes also not much to talk about. Also I want to scream when my DP says "so what have you been up to?" [/quote]
This! My DH is out at work all day talking to people so he has things to talk about. It's the same with my parents when they zoom chat with us. They have jobs and something to talk about, and I am trying to base my whole day around one trip to the park and tell myself that its something special. My life has become a series of 'nothing' days. Before, I could take DD to a playgroup or softplay or to see NCT friends, but now I may see one other person over a 2 week period and that's it. I am happy to see other people, but I find it's hard to figure out what they are comfortable with, so I am reluctant to ask for playdates etc. When DD is around I try to be attentive, but she isnt verbal yet. I just spend my days responding to 'baaa'. I can even see she is bored with the 4 walls and tv. Then I just feel like a rubbish mum. I used to be so social, i got out every day, I used to be a teacher (pre maternity leave) which is very social. Now, I am nothing. My days are a waste.

It's nice to know we are all feeling the same and that humans being lonely is important. Sometimes when people say 'just comply with the rules. It's not hard' I feel like saying 'how do you not find this hard?!?! It goes against everything I am'.

Now, I am nothing. My days are a waste

You're doing something very difficult under tough circumstances. You deserve a medal, really. Invisible work, but so, so important

SquidgeBum you are NOT nothing. None of us are nothing, even if we feel like it at times. You are the world to your DD for a start!

Same here. It’s sad how many friends have lost interest in the ‘shielding’ friend, seven months down the line .

I can completely relate to all what you are saying and been feeling it more with the nights closing in. I just wondered where you are from OP as am also in a tier 1 surrounded by 2&3 and recently I've started a new hobby that has a great online community aswell so if your near the Lincoln area and wanted some ideas or a meet up then just let me know! I have a two year old and two older DDs. x

I am SO glad to come across this post, thank you for starting it OP.

@Orangeblossom7777 , you summed it up much more eloquently than I could. I have found this half term such a looooooong one. As a teacher who works full time I am usually ridiculously excited for the holidays to feel like a "proper mum" and have quality time with my DS. I'm in a tier 3 area and the weather hasn't played ball at all so I've spent a lot of time outdoors in my big coat and a thermos trying to summon up energy to look at another leaf.

It's been tough. I realised I couldn't remember what day it was because there's not really a lot
to differentiate the days from each other. I miss adult conversation so much. And brunch. And browsing in libraries. And brunch. And being spontaneous/not having to book everything in advance with military precision. And brunch, did I mention that?!

I know I'm lucky. Job security. Health. But my goodness I've had to dig deep this half term and I wasn't expecting that. Think the weather has definitely played a part. Hard to practice hygge when you've got a small child using you as a trampoline I've found.

Hugs to each and every one of you. That's another thing I miss, human contact. And brunch

Im about half an hour from lincoln.

To the pp who said you feel less lonely alone. I agree. I have started putting my headphones in when I'm doing the pots and stuff. The kids are downstairs too. But they keep appearing. So I have to keep taking them out. I only try do this for twenty minutes whilst I do the daily jobs. Then they can watch Tele. But even that is just interrupted. Music has always been my comfort. So I listen to it now to remember the past. Which again shows I'm lonely and struggling with it now.

Absolutely agree to the person who said it's working out what others are comfortable with. It feels like everyone has different views on meeting and mixing. Plus I'm sort of preparing for it to go to shit again as cases will rise here soon no doubt.

I just want someone to make me laugh. Me and oh have nothing to laugh or talk about anymore. We've barely been apart for 8 months. It's smothering.

I basically need to build myself back up. But I don't know how. I half cba whilst it's so restrictive and risky.

I think we should definitely use this thread to support eachother.

I'm glad to not be alone. Kids can be so draining. I miss being able to have a coffee after the school run. I literally feel they are at me all day. I wanted half term to be nice but it's just been abit same old and the mess triples when my DD is off school. She's so messy. I am so bored of kids programmes. Snacks. Talking about stuff for three year olds.

I sometimes felt like a saddo in August. I was n the garden alot chatting to the neighbours and random people they had around there. I started to think do they think I'm a saddo always on my own with no plans.

This is such a hard year and I'm so greatful that you have all United with me instead of told me to be greatful.

P.s does anyone else feel like everyone else is living apart from you?

I look at other people and think I wonder if they are fufilled and happy.

It amazes me how many people near me seems to be having work done at the moment too. Teams of construction workers everywhere near me. Vans everywhere. I just think how backwards it all is. We can't mix but it's fine for Bob the builder and the crew to be in your home.

We were relegated to watching over the fence as our friendship group had lovely garden parties. On more than one occasion. ☹️ It feels like we are reduced to spectators in our lives.

I'm in tier 1 but after the huge numbers of tourists this week, I don't think it will stay that way for long.