Would you travel to see a vulnerable family member?

[BigcatLittlecat]

We are in lockdown in Wales, which I fully support. My elderly MIL is over 8 hours away in the central belt in Scotland. She is by herself, very isolated and struggling. There is no family around her. My DH wants to drive up there and see her. Just up one day and back the next. Maybe even bring her back with us? I'm not sure whether we should or not. On the one hand I really respect the lockdown and restrictions and know we shouldn't travel, on the other hand she is someone we love and are worried about, and she is elderly and vulnerable. I think in my heart of hearts I know we shouldn't go! Anyone got any thoughts?

Honestly if it were me I would travel and bring her back, I'm in Wales too, and I would say it's exceptional circumstances.

Go. Caring duties; as far as I understand it's allowed. Bring her back with you if that's what you all want.

Yes. You are allowed to travel to provide care to a vulnerable person.

I would say yes. If you can isolate first that would be better but I appreciate that's not practical for everyone.

You are allowed to break restriction for vulnerable or medical issues. I think you are allowed to go and check on hearing her back with you.

Yes. Without a shadow of a doubt.

*bring her back with you

Of course.

I think things are getting a bit ridiculous when we start neglecting vulnerable family members because we're worried about what other people will think ..........could she not move in with you for a while ?

Yes, bring her back with you.

I think in my heart of hearts I know we shouldn't go!

You have really weird priorities.

Of course you should go!

@lughnasadh

I think in my heart of hearts I know we shouldn't go!

You have really weird priorities.

That's a typo should say should!

Thanks everyone! I've been up most of the night worrying about it all!

Yes, do it and bring her back. You are allowed to visit vulnerable relatives.

Just go and bring her back you won't be breaking any laws but if you don't go you will regret it.

My 89 year old DGM has been left alone for months getting sadder and sadder. Then she ended up in hospital with a suspected burst gall bladder and initially refused any help because she was saying that there wasn’t much to be living for anymore and that she had reached a good age. Crap hospital care and treatment aside that I won’t go into, her DC ended up getting her discharged so she could at least be in her own home and have her family with her as nobody was allowed into the hospital. Well, the difference in her is incredible. As we all thought she was end of life, covid visiting restrictions went out the window and both of her DC have been visiting regularly (one lives opposite anyway). It seems that she may not have had a burst gall bladder but a blockage instead which has somehow cleared itself and she is back up and about on her feet, cooking and washing up and so happy to have company again.
If your mil is struggling then go and get her, it is still an act to protect the elderly and vulnerable in my opinion so in my mind it still sits within the rules.

Is she on the councils radar? If not get in touch with them, they can provide a variety of help. But definitely visit her.

Yes of course you should go; all through the first 'strict' lockdown I regularly visited my elderly parents, the first time I was worried and practised my 'story' in case I was stopped ... no one ever stopped me or said anything. The 'rules' clearly state you can visit and support vulnerable people.

I am in Wales and support a vulnerable adult living on their own almost daily. It is allowed. Hope you are packing and soon on your way.

How much of a transmission risk would you pose, if you brought her back? Tbh, I think anyone over 77 should get to chose quality over quantity.

But a visit is allowed, as said. Our local paper is full of stories about people being thrown out of wales, even those who live on their caravans until December. Ask your GP if care could be transferred etc, you'd have to play up her care needs.

I've seen my sister who lives alone and has significant support needs. Do your mil was to come back with you, It's a long drive. I think your husband needs to consider spending more time up there tbh.

I'm in central Scotland, is she under social care?
If she would go back with you come and get her.
If not get onto social care and there are other resources for elderly and those living alone.
Good luck

Yes, bring her back. I'm in Wales too and have no problem with the restrictions but they do allow for providing care to a vulnerable person.

Have you visited her since March?

We are in a similar situation with two different countries and the prospect of not seeing and helping support elderly relatives for potentially months. We were able to visit a few months ago, which helped. For us the relative would not want to stay with us for months, so we don’t feel we can visit in what will be half term for us.

Restrictions do allow for caring duties. It is just for us it would have to be a visit, and a long drive not to stay over.