University and mental health in the time of corona virus

[Cecillie]

This should be a AIBU but that’s a scarey place so ...
AIBU to think that dds university is skating in very thin ice with students mental health.
Dd had to go back and live in college, no option not to do so .
Everything is online, partly because most was planned to be anyway and partly because anything they try and do non virtually is scuppered by at least one person being covid positive.
Dd has real social anxiety and has been on antidepressants for about 18 months. She has actually been doing really well in the last six months , has a boyfriend, been going out lots more and reduced her dose of medication.
Since going back to uni she is so miserable. Her bubble is her corridor, none of whom she knows. All her social life was based around a group of mainly equally shy girls who walked to lectures together, ate together in hall etc. None of that is now happening and she has no social interaction. Last week she had to self isolate for a few days as someone in her bubble had symptoms, that freaked her out massively.
She has applied to study from home , she has already paid her terms rent so no financial loss to them. She has a letter from her gp saying he feels it is in the interests of her mental health to study from home, her head of studies has written a letter to say he feels it is in her best interests to stay at home.
Apparently though it has to be approved, and her tutor feels it may be unlikely to be approved as lots of other people are also applying to do this ( I wonder why !).
I’m just not sure where they would stand if one of these students came to harm because they feel they know better than a gp really. Seems a precarious position to take.
Also lots of these students have parents visiting them this weekend as they are equally lonely , that’s 100 pc understandable but only going to encourage to spread of the virus.seems all a bit crazy really.

I think you are right and I hope your Dd gets to come home soon. I am sorry this happened just as she was doing better. Keep pushing if it isn't approved, with a history of mental health issues your DD should be rightly seen as a priority.

Linking the mail as I couldn't find the story elsewhere www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8853859/Pictured-Son-Cambridge-academic-19-died-halls-Manchester-University.html

I have 2 at university so that story made me v sad, the poor boy

If you are worried about her, just tell her to come home. You're right - they do not know better than a mental health professional. If it can all be done online and she's really not enjoying it and it's impacting her mental health and she has had issues already, I wouldn't think twice about not waiting for their approval!

It’s a difficult time but can’t you encourage your daughter to look for new opportunities. For example you say that she doesn’t know the other students in her corridor/ bubble. Surely this is the ideal time for her to get to know them and make some new friends?

University is about growing as a person and stretching your horizons. If she runs home now she’ll never have those opportunities which will impact her whole future

Your daughter needs to make an effort to get to know the people on her corridor, why doesn't she? The world is a harsh place, she's and adult and soon reality will hit her in the face. Mollycoddling her will do no good.

My DS1 is of an age where he "should" be at uni. He chose a different path which disappointed me for him at the time but I am so relieved he's not part of this now.

If everything is being done remotely, why can't she be at home? It's my ignorance but I don't understand why they wouldn't agree to her studying from home?

I totally agree that the university have done this all wrong, I work at one and the staff think exactly along the same lines as you.

Sadly the petitions at the end of the last academic year touched a nerve with the Deans etc, so decision making was based on that rather than common sense in my view.

Can’t she just come home?

This must be hard.

I would be very surprised if the university were to turn down a request that is backed by a GP’s letter.

Put your child's mental health above anything else, especially at this time. If you can can afford it I would even find out your legal rights and send a solictors letter if you have taken all reasonable steps if necessary to prevent her being penalised. But nothing is more important than her mental health.

You know your child better than Mumsnet bods telling her to get to know more people. I have a dd in her second year at uni who is studying online, working as a nanny and shares a flat she found with 5 friends and is happy, if a bit stressed with work. I wouldn't be leaving a vulnerable young adult on anti-depressents to "get on with it".

If it is all online and she has paid then she surely is free to leave?

i feel for you.
otoh she might turn a corner if she stays, gets to know the rest of her halls
do you have any calming websites you can suggest?

@Bohboh
@RunBackwards

If you are in the fortunate position of never having had mental health issues, both your replies are very sensible. If on the other hand you have sat in on a counselling session with your child, which was needed to even get to university and they had told the counsellor that their immediate goals were to be able to answer the phone and take the dogs for a walk ( without fear of bumping into someone) and that messaging their best friend gave them an anxiety level of 7, you would realise that you might as well say fly to the moon. She just can’t .

@Wishingstarr that’s a good idea re solicitor letter. If they do refuse her application I shall pursue that.

It’s not just her though, there are heaps of other students who will be struggling and there needs to be Provision for this. This particular uni, they are categorically not allowed to leave campus without permission unfortunately.
Completely agree with concept of going if they want, my older children, had they been in same situation, would have chosen to go back and just get on with it but a one size solution doesn’t fit all.

@HappyThursdays I had seen that, it’s so very sad 😔
@tearstainedbakes interesting re staff, I did wonder.

It's ridiculous they have to be at uni if all teaching is online. How does the uni even know where they are? What do you mean they aren't allowed to leave campus? Is that because of covid? Anyway, I would get her home if that's where she prefers to be. Sorry she's having a hard time.

OP sounds like Oxbridge... I have had similar experiences with a close family member in non Covid times so your post rings bells.
Go and get her. Now. The college can't over-rule a doctors letter.
She should be sitting at the dinner table with you tonight. Xxxx Best of luck.

If all the teaching is being done remotely I don't understand why Universites are insisting students stay, or even why they want them to?

OP, just go and get her. Don't question it. (Mum here to dd with previous mh issues and also a shy ds currently in a tier 3 area university). Tell her that you will deal with the university.

It's catch 22 though as it's damaging for healthy young adults to be stuck in their childhood bedrooms studying on line. The young are being sacrificed because some scientists think that this may stop a virus spreading to the elderly and/or those with multiple health problems and may reduce their chances of dying. It's immoral. I'm surprised at the lack of objections.

Op I really feel for your daughter. I have an anxious teen myself and it is really debilitating. I cannot imagine at this stage my dd being able to attend university so you dd has done so well and rightly should be allowed home.
The young are being sacrificed because some scientists think that this may stop a virus spreading to the elderly and/or those with multiple health problems and may reduce their chances of dying. It's immoral. I'm surprised at the lack of objections.
@Billie18 that is far too simplistic. Death is not the only issue with the virus. You have working age people with h initially mild illnesses being off work for 4 weeks plus including NHS and other keyworkers.
Plus the strain on NHS resources caused by hospital admissions and the double whammy of sick/isolating staff.
It is more contagious than flu and the vaccine isn't quite ready.
Very dismissive of people over 45 really and that is when the age risk kicks in and those supposed people with multiple health issues could be quite minor or just one issue like mild asthma but still if they die people think their death was with COVID not of COVID. It is just so unpleasant.

She thinks it’s better to study from home
Her GP thinks it’s better to study from home
You think it’s better to study from home

She has clinically diagnosed depression and is on medication
She’s paid her fees and accommodation

Bring her home

Honestly, what are the Uni going to do?

I agree - go get her. First year can be a very lonely time even if you do manage to find a group of friends or fit in well with your accommodation mates. Now add depression and a pandemic.