Should I cancel Christmas plans?

[reviera]

I want to prepare myself if I have to cancel so I'd love to hear people's opinions so that I can do the 'right' thing.

It's me, DH and 2dc (4+2). We live the other end of the country from my family but close to DH's family. We alternate Christmas and spent Christmas with his family last year with the intention of spending this year with my family. We planned to go down in May (booked last year) but had to cancel, rebooked for September but had to cancel and now hoping to go for Christmas; we've not physically seen them for over a year and I really miss my mum and siblings. We're meant to go to their house for Christmas and can take any form of transport (car, plane or train) but DH is saying no. He's vulnerable (as is my nan who we'd be staying with) and says he's not putting the kids at risk. If we went by car (not ours, we'd be picked up/dropped off by my mum), I don't see the massive risk increase in terms of transport. We are in a low case/death area, my mums is quite a lot higher and he says he's not putting myself/our DC at extra risk. We'd be staying with my grandparents which makes 6 but meet up with my mums household which breaks it. I miss them so much but I don't know if it is worth the extra risk. What do you think? If the death rate goes up then I will cancel but if it's as it currently is, what do you think?

Well I’ve cancelled and I live opposite end of the country to my parents. I can’t justify the risk. They’re in Scotland and I’m in England.

I cannot guarantee that my children will be leaving school without coronavirus... it’s one Christmas, there’ll be others.

Hopefully

Is your mind household vulnerable and how many of them is there? To be honest I wouldn’t stay with your vulnerable nan but of it we’re just a couple over the 6 I would do it. If either area is out into tier 3 though I wouldn’t.

Mums household*

In my mums, no one is vulnerable but there are 4 people there.

If the death rate goes up then I will cancel

Being realistic, rather than pessimistic, I really think that a higher death rate will be inevitable by Christmas/the middle of winter.

I'm not seeing my parents at the moment as they are in their 80's and vulnerable. We are in a bubble with our daughter and primary school aged children. It's a risk to our own health that I see no way of avoiding, but I will try to avoid spreading it further.

I'd go alone and visit your mum now before you can't

If you're in England, then children are counted in the six, so you can't meet anyone.

You're unlikely to be challenged but if you were, you would be liable for a fine.

I agree with your Dh

DH is being U re risks to the DC.

If travel and home visits are allowed, and your host is OK with the risks to them, why would your mum be driving? Just drive there yourselves?

Why didn’t you go in the summer, and then cancel in September? would’ve been much better time to go.

An option could be for you and DC to visit your family some time between now and xmas, without DH, and stay home for xmas.

Personally I wouldn’t want to put elderly grandparents at risk and would get accommodation.

I'm not risking it. My Dad is vulnerable, as is my aunt. We were umming and aahing about seeing them 3 weeks ago but decided against it and 3 days later, my eldest tested positive for Covid so I'm glad we didn't but I miss them and feel extraordinarily sad that this will be our first Christmas without seeing wider family.

It sounds as if you are really missing your DM and siblings.

I would book a cheap hotel room and travel down ASAP in case the country shuts down. It sounds counter-intuitive, but hotels are probably get regular deep-cleaning to remain Covid-safe.

You can do your own risk assessment about whether you meet indoors/outdoors.

Which tier are you in and which tier would you be travelling to? If any are tier 2 or 3 you wouldn't be able to go inside with them anyway, I don't think?

I agree with your DH tbh. Just because it's all so complicated and difficult and Christmas won't be the same no matter how much we want it to be. Travel, relatives, moving tiers, last minute changes, bubbles, groups, rules - I'd just stay at home for Xmas and makes plans based on that. BUT I would go ASAP on your own to see your mum while you still can.

When did you last see your family? How many times have you seen DH family in this timescale?

Premier inns and alike are inexpensive at the moment... Is it worth booking a cheap hotel and meeting up outside, at social distance etc

We are in same situation. We are planning to drive to see family, and have booked a separate cottage near them to stay in. So we can meet outside for walks etc, depending on the rules at Xmas.

I would not take public transport, and would not arrange to stay in another house.

My DDs are 350 miles away in an English tier 2 city. We are in Scotland in a less restricted area but can't have anyone in the house. We would love to have them home for Christmas but I don't think it is going to happen. I think the majority of families are going to have a quiet festive period without their family. I only hope my 80yo DM can come to mine. She is in a bubble with DB but he doesn't really do Christmas. It is going to be rubbish for everyone.

I’d go down on my own before Chris and stay in a hotel/self catered accommodation and only see patents outside if needed.

I wouldn't stay at my vulnerable gran's house. If I went I'd definitely be booking a hotel.

I think that the rate will inevitably rise before the end of the year so if you were going to go I think now would be better. I realise that your family probably miss the kids but is there a way that you could go alone for a few days (not staying at your gran's obviously)?

I’ve just had my parents visit and stay in a hotel. We went for walks and had lunch in the garden. We could have gone in a cafe (scotland) but my parents didn’t want to socialise indoors at all. The weather wasn’t great but frankly it was lovely to see them! I’ve missed them so much so I totally understand why you want to see yours. Could you go soon before winter really sets in??

Sorry but it looks like you’ll need to cancel. Unless there’s a way you can all quarantine for 14 days before

I think to be honest it would have been better to see them in July just as restrictions eased and cases were low.

My family are at the other end of the country and this is what we did. Met up mid July and then August. All fine, kids not at school so felt safe.

They came down a few weeks ago but felt more risky. More for them than the kids! The kids will be fine so your DH’s risk assessment is wrong about that! It’s him and I guess the elderly members of your family who are at risk not the children.

I’ve accepted I’ll probably not see my parents at Christmas. Cases are going up all over and there are cases in both DS’s schools so too risky.

I think in these times you have to be flexible. Seize the time to see them when cases are low. Not focus everything on Christmas.

Are your family in a tier 2 area or likely to be by Christmas? If so you’re not allowed in their house anyway.

I agree with your DH too. It’s one Christmas and the rules are there for a reason. They help keep transmission down.

How exposed are you currently? Are the children in school / nursery? Are you and your husband wfh? That’d affect my decision making.