Living with someone likely to be exposed at work - WWYD?

[Catyness]

Hi, looking to find out what others are doing really.

To start with; yes I have health anxiety from the pandemic, yes I'm receiving treatment. Yes I worry about getting flu also and have flu jab most years. Most of this is because I was significantly disabled for 15 years with post viral CFS. I've been well for 8 years now, loving life and don't want to go back there.

DSD is a primary teacher and carrying on as normal at school, exposed to 30 children each working day. She's having issues with her Mum so is likely to move in with us. She's always welcome here but I've been so careful about the virus until this point I'm struggling with this scenario. I really don't want to take on her risk of exposure to 30 children. She will have an en-suite here so that's good. I was thinking some distancing at home, lots of cleaning, what else? I don't want to stress her out but I also don't want to get covid!

Honestly, in your situation with the post viral CFS - I'd wonder why this adult step-daughter who is working full time couldn't find a place of her own to rent?

What are the "issues" with her mum?

An acquaintance of mine just recently asked her adult daughter to find somewhere else to stay as she was carrying on with life as normal despite my acquaintance being in the at risk/vulnerable category. Adult daughter has moved into a house share.

First I hope you are taking your vitamin D supplements this winter, they may both reduce your risk of getting the virus and help if you get the virus.

Second many health care workers have this problem - DSD strips off when she gets in then shower and put on clean clothes.

I agree with the previous poster's comment. It's not obvious to me why a woman who is presumably in her early twenties and on a full-time salary should expect to live with a parent. But if she does move in with you, ventilation is a key thing to focus on (probably more so than cleaning, as the virus is airborne). So you should have windows open as much as you can bear. There also appears to be evidence that keeping humidity levels up is helpful. In the UK, we have been encouraged to obsess about cleaning surfaces, but from what I've read, most infection comes directly from people and the risk of picking the virus up from surfaces appears to be relatively low.

Unless sd has only just qualified, and has been living at home through university, then she's perfectly able to find a house share - and to be able to afford it.

Harsh - and no doubt you'll get evil step-mum responses - but your physical and mental health is important. My entire household income is less than an nqt (plus 2 kids) and I've been living independently since leaving for uni at 18

Thanks for the responses.

I don't think her mental health would be cope with with living without family support at the moment. She was very carful all summer also, but then had to go back to work and just get on with it. It's so unfair what is expected of teachers.

I'm also conscious of causing long term damage to our relationships.

I think it's even more difficult because she and her Dad have only known me since I've been well and I didn't talk about my past illness much.

Yes taking lots of vitamins!!

I'm a secondary teacher, exposed to dozens of children a day and my dh is in the former shielding category.

I am as careful as it possible to be at school and then when I come home, I change, sit in a different room from him for most of the evening and use a separate bathroom. If we decide to share a room to chat, it's the largest room in the house (living room), we open all the windows and doors and I basically sit on the window sill so as to practically be outside. We don't go out in the car together or use the kitchen at the same time. We sit outside together sometimes.

It's crap but it's the best we can do. I think you are kind to want to allow for your SD to move and most of the above mitigations, if you can take them, should help alleviate the anxiety and lessen the risk?

OP, I would suggest now would be a good time to be a bit more open with your DH, and possibly your DSD, about your past health problems so that they understand where you are coming from on this.

Probably also a good idea to check your DSD is aware of the potential benefits of taking Vit D supplements.

I would have thought it would be more useful for your DSD to sort out the 'issues' with her mum. What would she do if she didn't have a dad living elsewhere, with space, to go to?

Covid or no Covid, I think that you could find that 'issues' develop between you and her after living together for a while. Two adults both thinking it's their house/kitchen/living room can lead to tensions. Then where will you be? You can hardly throw her out once she thinks of yours as home.

I'm a primary teacher , I am vulnerable and was supposed to shield, but I chose not to and I continue to work.

I don't want to put you off but to be frank, primary schools are not "covid secure" . We wash hands and sanitise but honestly - if it's in the class we are going to get it.

It doesn't bother me, and whilst vulnerable I'm happy to continue (I've had much worse happen to me in my life I honestly couldn't care less ).....but if you have health anxiety I'm not sure this is going to be a helpful situation for you . I mean you're probably going to be fine if you did catch it, the vast majority are - but this is going to cause a toll on your mental health.

I think she should address her issues with her mum.

Positives are that primary kids are much less likely to get and/or transmit Covid than secondary ones and there are plenty of things you can do to mitigate the risks. Everything from distancing to not sharing facilities to having her change clothes and shower when she comes home might make a difference. We live with our hospital Dr daughter and have been wondering if and when she would catch Covid at work. She is not on a designated Covid ward but has treated patients who subsequently tested positive. She was unwell just over two weeks ago and tested positive. Neither of us have caught it despite making no effort to social distance or anything else. So even if your DSD was unlucky enough to catch it it is by no means certain that you would. Attack rate between members of the same household is around 30%.