Got covid, children and DP in the house... managing DPs mood

[Whathappensinvegas]

This is difficult...I need perspective ladies, really I do. I am in self isolation after testing positive on Wednesday. I have 8 days left inside. Symptoms are pretty hard work but manageable if I stay rested and calm. I have other serious underlying health issues to consider too. In my house with me are my two DC (14 and 10) who have no symptoms and DP who also tested positive and has medium to quite bad symptoms. Neither of us are well tho. Problem is DP is not coping well. He's getting irritable and shouty. I hAte shouting and conflict even more so since getting ill. He can't see his dc for almost two weeks and is missing him dreadfully. He has got angry with me, holding my arm and following me when I moved away. He has shouted at the kids when they haven't done what he's asked. Younger is especially irritating him. I have challenged but he says I'm not supporting him. When pushed he's says he's too ill to explain and we should talk after this is over. While I agree I feel trapped. To be fair, so does he. He has been a wonderful partner but he seems to be
Falling apart because he
Is out of control. What are my options? Under what circumstances can I leave this house?

Didn’t want to read and run but I’m not sure what your options are.

If you feel unsafe you need to be able to leave obviously.

Can you ring women’s aid or your GP’s for advice? Have you got a family member who is low risk who would let you and the children come and isolate in a room in their house? Not ideal I know but I’m not sure what else to suggest. I’m sorry not to be of more help, that sounds really difficult.

Hope you feel better soon 💐

Being Covid positive and still in the isolation period sharply limits your options in the very short term.

But you can use it as thinking and planning time.

Firstly, are the DC OK, able to keep away from you both and look after themselves?

Secondly, can you and DH each take to bed (separately) and stay there? Only venture round the house for food and bathroom, and keep away from the DC.

Not knowing what he asked of the DC, it's difficult to tell who was being unreasonable. You and he are both ill and simply won't have your usual reserves. It's not a free pass to bad behaviour, but when when things do go badly wrong, then it's a factor to be considered. Which is why I said thus is your thinking time. Is he acting out of character? Have you seen him this ill before? What's he been like at times of other stress? Is he selfish in other ways too? What sort of example do you want set to your DC, now and in the coming years? Is he capable of providing it? I don't mean theoretically - I mean how he usually lives and interacts. Essentially, is this an aberration, or are the stresses of illness illuminating a side of his character you usually seek to ignore? People are flawed, but where are your boundaries and has he crossed them?

Holding your arm is not ok and following you shouting is not either. Feeling ill doesn’t excuse that. Do you do that when you feel ill?
Have you got anywhere else to go? If not, minimise contact without inciting more arguments, and then see what you think once you’re better.

It's your house. He should go if you feel unsafe. Where else could he go? You've got your kids there.

Oh gosh I'm so sorry OP. I couldn't give advice because I don't know what's allowed and what's legal.
The only thing I could think of is if anyone is unsafe then I would imagine you can leave - that's always be allowed - but where you could go since you're unwell I'm really unsure.

I'm so sorry OP I hope you're safe!

Thank you so much. Auntiestella this is an aberration when it
Comes to the 'red mist' I would say. He is normally kind, attentive etc but does like things a certain way. But not weirdly so. I think it's the stress of an extremely stressful situation. Since posting we have had a massive discussion where he got really angry again but not directed at me, more at himself if anything. It was scary tho. I told him he was scaring
Me and he took it completely on board. The
Problem is
Deciding whether the anger is directed at me or is it anger I am witnessing at very close quarters iyswim. I am leaning towards the latter but given how
I'll we both
Feel it's still not helping recovery. I'm now clear I'll walk if I feel it creeping towards the
Former tho. There is
Provision in the rules
For emergency situations I think. It's so hard to think when you feel like shit tho. Thankyou for your steers. I need them.

How long have you been together?
I would keep everyone in their own rooms. You all need space and time to get better.

I think I'd tell him to go to bed and only come out when necessary so it doesn't damage the relationship. That way the kids won't have to keep out of the way. Sucks for you though, hope you're on the mend.

"Household isolation instructions as a result of coronavirus do not apply if you need to leave your home to escape domestic abuse."

www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

I think I would try and avoid any conflict at the moment and try to empathise with his feelings on the surface and show sympathy. Inside distance yourself and make your own plan of getting through the next 8 days or whatever it is. This is not forever.

I think you're saying you don't feel safe at the moment (holding onto your arm)? In which case, you are allowed to leave.

Is there a good friend or relative who would / could have you and the DC, under the circs? Are the children aware of his state and do you think they'd like to go elsewhere?

(Women's Aid have a chat facility so you wouldn't have to make a call, if you felt able to contact them.)

I guess it is now illegal to break self isolation, but this is an exceptional circumstance. Of course, many thousands of people are breaking self isolation for much less serious reasons every day.

This is the actual law, it says you may break isolation and leave your home:

(iv)^ to avoid a risk of harm,^

and also:

(viii)^ to move to a different place specified in sub-paragraph (a), where it becomes impracticable to remain at the address at which they are^

If I have a fever, I get uncontrollably angry and I wonder is it that with him?

Good to have the law extracts, Thankyou so much. One more day done. We are basically playing a relay race at the
Moment ie taking turns sleeping, one resting while the other gets some food etc. Etc. Feeling a bit more positive today but just want to not have to worry. Thanks again. It's difficult isn't it.... he is a good man but obv this is all too much. Just got to get thru the next week.

Would you be able to tell us more about last night's "massive discussion where he got really angry again but not directed at me, more at himself if anything. It was scary tho."?