Please can someone give me some positivity for the future I am having a bad bad day

[Napqueen1234]

Have suffered with PND and having a low day. Stupidly reading articles about the impact of covid particularly on millennial generation and how it’s likely to set everyone back further and cause huge financial difficulties long term.

I feel our whole lives have been difficult. 9/11 as a child affected me deeply at the time then the recession and austerity since. We have never lived through any kind of boom and I don’t think we will every experience this. Parents are baby boomers who made thousands on property and have pensions 4 x my salary and just think we don’t work hard enough.

We have two small children and I feel we have bought them into a terrible world. The joy and ease of childhood is gone for them and instead it’s masks, restrictions and anxiety.

I’m about to be made redundant and we can’t afford our mortgage and bills without my salary. I’m job hunting but no one is hiring. What’s the point in life now. When will this get better I can’t keep going on as it is.

Oh poor you, I had a slump yesterday. It’s so hard all this - suddenly something hits you and I feel like I really lack resilience at the moment. Today, I am telling myself it will get better. A vaccine will come. They will get even better at managing it in serious cases. As more and more people have it, a degree of widespread immunity will occur. Our children will be happy. Even in wars and god knows what, human beings have a capacity to find joy. It will get better.

Okay. Take some slow deep breaths. Maybe try a grounding exercise (Google the 5 senses one).

It'll be okay. People are hardy and resourceful. We'll make it through. The world is still beautiful, and children will still enjoy things that are fun and learn new things every day. They will keep growing, exploring and getting bigger.

But they'll also take their cue from you. Now's a really good time to work on emotional resilience, on seeing the good things in life and focusing on positives.

I've hit rock bottom today too. Big sobby cries because my washing machine broke....but obviously it's not because of the washing machine! Things will get better eventually, but it's okay to have a bad day. Hope you feel better soon xxx

How old are your children op? Totally get where you are coming from. The children need a fun childhood, as normal as possible Edgardo was.
We have arranged things for ours to look forward to like camping trips from early summer next year. We are trying to do loads of outdoor stuff in local countryside which might be feasible if you have a car? We’re not big into indoor stuff anyway though but saying that we might struggle when the weather continues to worsen.
I know what you mean that you feel your generation has been hard hit and I’d tend to agree. Don’t expect boomers to understand - it’s human nature not to be able to understand things you haven’t experienced.

At the moment I am just hoping schools stay open as that keeps my children mentally well. Are yours school age yet?

You will have it in you to make it work for your children I’m sure. They should not fear the virus as they are super low risk and hopefully you are too? In which case I’d just say enjoy what you can with them, outdoors and within guidelines/law. Protect others by wearing mask in public places etc but your priority will need to be making sure you children enjoy their childhood. I’m sure you will have it in you. It is harder though if you are emerging from PND (been there) but I’ll bet you make it work for them

Thanks for your messages. I’m trying so hard organising nice things we are allowed to do at the weekends, being positive in front of them. They’re 11 months and just 3 so are blissfully unaware but also unaware of all the stuff we should be doing and enjoying and can’t (which is good but I find so sad). I’m sad for our future and how tight things will be financially. I’m trying to be positive but it feels never ending. We are in local lockdown but my family aren’t so they Can all meet and I feel so so alone (supportive DH so weekends are nice but in the week I’m a ghost walking round our local town with no money to spend and nothing to do).

Just wanted to tell you I despair about my children too never have I ever thought reproducing might not have been a great idea but the way the world is now...I just don't know your not alone and I know many many more people who are also struggling right now...

Thank you @startswithanL it’s awful isn’t it. We always wanted three but wouldn’t have another now. I feel so selfish for bringing them into this shit show. I keep thinking the baby boomers came after the wartime generation so maybe we will have all the crap and their generation may be the next boomers (all we can do is hope). As long as their future if bright I can cope.

@Napqueen1234

Thanks for your messages. I’m trying so hard organising nice things we are allowed to do at the weekends, being positive in front of them. They’re 11 months and just 3 so are blissfully unaware but also unaware of all the stuff we should be doing and enjoying and can’t (which is good but I find so sad). I’m sad for our future and how tight things will be financially. I’m trying to be positive but it feels never ending. We are in local lockdown but my family aren’t so they Can all meet and I feel so so alone (supportive DH so weekends are nice but in the week I’m a ghost walking round our local town with no money to spend and nothing to do).

This is exactly me. I'm on maternity in local lockdown and I spend my week walking around on my own with the pram and taking the kids to and from school. It's so lonely isn't it? Skint on maternity pay but nothing to do anyway! I'm finding planning small fun things helps me. It's both my older twos birthdays this month so I've planned fun days for them, and planning a really fun night for Halloween for them. Helps me to have something not too far in future to work towards.

@Jrobhatch29 glad you’re doing ok. The loneliness is so true. And just bored bored bored. Good plan about organising for Halloween etc we are locally doing the looking for pumpkins in the window thing and giving kids a sweet for each one so covid friendly trick or treating. It’s things like that though- DC will be loving life spotting pumpkins and getting sweets. I find myself mourning the fact that it isn’t ‘normal’ and resentful of how things are. I KNOW I need to just be grateful for our health and get on with things but I’m just finding it so hard.

@Napqueen1234

Thank you *@startswithanL* it’s awful isn’t it. We always wanted three but wouldn’t have another now. I feel so selfish for bringing them into this shit show. I keep thinking the baby boomers came after the wartime generation so maybe we will have all the crap and their generation may be the next boomers (all we can do is hope). As long as their future if bright I can cope.

I’m sorry you feel this way but I’m glad you’ve said it because I feel exactly the same way. I have a 2 year old and I would love to give her a sibling but I feel selfish doing so. But then what if it turns out I’ve worried for nothing and things do improve? My head has been absolutely mashed!!

I’m sorry for not saying anything to make you feel better. Just know that you’re not alone in feeling this way.

I just keep telling myself that my daughter deserves to have the happiest childhood possible and a happy Mum so I have to pull myself out of the hole I keep falling into. If things are going to shit I’d rather enjoy life to the fullest where possible. Be kind to yourself. We’ve all been deprived of normal life and it’s having a massive effect on our mental health. Remind yourself of that you when you’re feeling low. ❤️

@DoTheMaccaroni thank you for your kind message. They’re the only thing keeping me going! One thing I would say that’s really been a blessing is the relationship between the two kids blossoming during lockdown has just been amazing. It’s a big jump from 1 to 2 but given how much time we spend as a family now I’m grateful they can knock about together (often literally 🥴). Completely understand your worry over having another in these wild times but I quite like the fact that they have each other now when time’s are tough 💕. You’ve got to do what’s right for you though.

I think for you op, the wider issue of kids not getting to see places and do trips is neither here for there. For other reasons, my 3dc haven't done those things and they are having a lovely childhood.

Your issue is you are being made redundant - that is a head fuck and you can't afford your home without a salary and because of covid, no one is hiring.

My advice is to stop worrying about your kids, life is wonderful and there to be enjoyed. Children are ninja masters at getting enjoyment out of whatever they have, it's their secret super power.

Then, I would look at cheaper housing options or if you could move in with family until Covid is done and the jobs market opens up.

I had a shit childhood because my parents were horrible. The state of the wider world or the relative wealth of my baby boomer parents didn't help me in the slightest.

Just love your kids and be kind to yourself (and try to formulate a plan for what you'll do if the worst happens and you can't find another job.

Well, you've already said it. You have a supportive DH and two lovely DC who are good company for each other and are blissfully unaware of the situation. They are loved and happy and not missing out on things they know nothing about.

I know the situation with your job is far from ideal but keep plugging away and you will find a job. If you are so bored could you do some voluntary work like telephoning the lonely (The Silver Line) and offer some verbal company. One of the best ways to feel good about yourself is to help others.

The pandemic won't last forever. I think it helps to focus on what you have, not what you don't have. Also don't focus on what others have. Comparison is the thief of joy.

I have two children and am finding it hard. But I think the kids are just fine. They are older but nevertheless are sort of in the moment. When they have grown up this really will be in the past and I suspect mine will just remember being at home alot and being a bit bored but that's it.

We try and do outdoor stuff which really is as normal and avoid all the places with the endless restrictions as that is just too just depressing...

It will improve.

And I agree with kids becoming closer..mine are WAY closer as a result of being thrown together..it really has changed their relationship hopefully for good in a really positive way.

I get this, I struggle to get through the day with my DD and worry about what sort of future she can expect. This has brought so much misery to people.

@MrsBobDylan ultimately this is what it comes down to. Have spoken to bank who can offer a mortgage holiday but not much else we can do. If I can’t get a job earning my current salary will have to sell and move area which is a hideous thought as we are so settled.

Sorry you feel like this. You've had some good advice above, but I just wanted to add the suggestion to call your mortgage company. You may find you can get a payment break, and it's better to be honest with them before you miss any payments. Get any agreements in writing.

@Napqueen1234 Yes I have thought that if the world it going to shit it would be good for her to have a sibling to have her back but that just feels like a weird thing to think and admit to having thought 🙈 We can’t just stop having kids because of what might happen. But at the moment it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel at times!! But yeah, I think if I didn’t have another child because of the world being shit it’d be a sign that I’ve given up hope for the future and my daughters future. And I don’t want to do that! We all just need to listen to David Attenborough and look after ourselves and this planet as best we can. I know it’s not Covid related but as far as the demise of the planet goes I try to remember this phrase I heard recently “The greatest threat to our planet is the belief that someone else will save it.” - Robert Swan OBE

I was doing ok until my cousin killed himself by jumping off a bridge onto a busy road. I have to go to his funeral tomorrow with my parents, he was their nephew. I don’t get down very often, I normally bounce back but i’m finding it very hard at the moment 😢

Oh @Alex50 that’s awful I’m so sorry. Thinking of you and your family

Thank you. Sorry you wanted positive posts. My positive post is my daughter has been at school the whole time with not one bubble sent home, fingers crossed it lasts until October half term. Sorry to hear about your job, fingers crossed you find something soon x