Friend very low over restrictions but actually making things worse than they need to be

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He's in his 50s but has no other vulnerabilities and no vulnerable family.

He's still wfh and having shopping delivered. Literally not going anywhere and he's in the SE, outside London, so not a high risk area.

In normal times we meet about twice a month for a sports event, which hasn't happened since March. I've spoken to him about one a month since the start of lockdown, with occasional texts in between.

Lately he is very down, as many are, about the prospect of winter with no sport, no going out etc. I've offered to meet up for a meal or a walk but "it's not

I've followed all the rules but am trying to apply a make the most of it while we can policy, so for example, had 4 friends round for drinks at the weekend and have been to occasional restaurants where I'm happy with their arrangements (also walked out of a pub where I wasn't).

I suppose it's possible friend just doesn't want to meet me but I'm worried about him. We've been good (platonic) friends for more than 20 years. He's usually a "life's too short" kind of person, who wants to take every opportunity to have fun before it's too late. We live about 50 miles apart, so it's not easy to pop round for a driveway visit to make sure he's OK.

I fear I've messed things up, last time he was complaining about how hard he's finding it, I told him to stop making up his own rules and making life more difficult than it needs to be, to make the most what we can di and now I know he's stepped away. Which is obviously his choice if he didn't like what I said but I'm worried.

What would you do re a long standing friend in this situation?

"It's not safe"

Send him a lovely considered email explaining you are concerned about him and didn't mean to alienate him you were trying to help.

Suggest he installs zoom and have a video call with him he might be more receptive if you can see each other's face.

I have a friend just like yours (not the same man, he doesn't like sport!) and he not going anywhere where there's people, he'll walk in the countryside and that is that. He thinks I'm irresponsible for even going to church, something he always did (huge cavernous building, over 2m between chairs and masks worn)

Could you catch up on the phone or have an video catch up? I think everyone has their own level of comfort with risk and while it may seem that he’s making things harder for himself, maybe his own level of comfort doesn’t allow him to do some of the things you’re doing. There is no right or wrong but as someone who is also only really comfortable with countryside walks and even worries about meeting people for walks, I’d say that the most supportive thing you can do is be there to chat and accept his current level of comfort. It can feel like a lonely place when you don’t feel comfortable doing things that friends are doing or when it feels awkward turning down invitations. My easiest friendships during the pandemic have been with friends who may very well have been doing very different things to me but have simply accepted where I’m at with everything, checked in with me and offered the opportunity for online catch up or asked me what I feel comfortable with. I know it may be very tempting to try and convince him he should be doing more but he’s probably already well informed and some people are far more naturally happy with risk and others are naturally far more cautious. We are in a unprecedented situation and there is no right or wrong. Just let him know you’re there with no judgment.

Could you also chat to him about what he could do to make the winter feel more manageable? What does he enjoy doing? Are there any online classes etc he could join? New hobbies? Home improvements? Booking in catch ups with friends over the phone. Remind him that this isn’t forever. We are constantly learning more about the virus and already we have better treatments. Whist also acknowledging how hard it is. Remind him not to look too far ahead and to take one day at a time. Focus on the small things, a glimpse of sunshine, a hot coffee, a brisk walk. Just changing how you view the little things in life can make the days feel easier. You sound like a lovely supportive friend.