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Original poster

Teenager keeps breaking rules about households mixing

28 replies

CathTurnbull · 04/10/2020 14:37

Anyone else have a teen who will not comply? We are in a lockdown area and my son (15) keeps going to his gf’s house. I obviously can’t stop him going out completely, and don’t mind him meeting some friends outside (socially distancing), but he always ends up at his gf’s.

Her mum doesn’t give a toss so there’s no support or compliance from that end. I’ve stopped pocket money but he will not listen.

Anyone else in this situation and what have you tried?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 04/10/2020 14:44

I thought non cohabiting couples could still meet up. My dd has been seeing her boyfriend at my house or his house. They don't see anyone else outside of school

dementedpixie · 04/10/2020 14:46

Or is that just in Scotland?

Original poster
CathTurnbull · 04/10/2020 14:49

No households can meet indoors where I am

OP posts:
Original poster
CathTurnbull · 04/10/2020 14:49

Different households

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 04/10/2020 14:51

In scotland non cohabiting couples can meet up if in an established relationship even if in a lockdown area (which i am)

JKRowlingIsMyQueen · 04/10/2020 14:52

Good for him

SansaSnark · 04/10/2020 14:54

Do they go to the same school? If they do, I would probably not be too concerned as they will be exposed to each other in school anyway.

If they don't go to the same school it's a much greater risk, and I would think about a different sanction that actually bothers him e.g. phone removal, grounding etc!

Original poster
CathTurnbull · 04/10/2020 14:59

They do go to the same school but the gf’s family are all co-vidiots so I don’t want him in her house

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 04/10/2020 15:01

Could she come to your house?

ragged · 04/10/2020 15:04

tbh, I would be grateful if he's only meeting the GF at only her house assuming it's not full of other people meeting up.

StatisticalSense · 04/10/2020 15:30

Would you rather they have sex in the park?
No they shouldn't be doing it but you're not going to stop teenagers in established relationships who want to have sex from doing so whatever you try and put into place (and as the contact is always with the same girlfriend the absolute level of risk is quite low).

cardibach · 04/10/2020 16:19

Jesus, all those saying ‘oh you can’t stop teenagers, bless their hearts’. I’m not allowed to see bloody anybody as in a Welsh lockdown and friends and family not in the same county (I live on a county border) Shall I just ignore it and do what the fuck I like as well?

HRH18 · 04/10/2020 16:25

Hormones rule at that age

StatisticalSense · 04/10/2020 16:30

@cardibach
I don't think you get it. There is a big difference between condoning those breaking the rules and acknowledging that it is impossible for parents to enforce them in many cases. While the OPs son shouldn't be doing what he is there is very little that she can actually do about it short of physically locking him in the house (which would be illegal and unless every window and door is locked with keys removed he'll probably find a way around in any case) or phoning the police (for which she'd end up paying any fine issued). You should be following the rules because that is the right thing to do and because it is the law and not breaking them simply because some parents are finding it impossible to get their teenagers to follow them.

witchofthenorth · 04/10/2020 16:42

My son goes between our house and his girlfriends house. They have been in a 2 year relationship and I won't stop them. The same as I won't stop my other children having friends over....in the house! It's not about breaking the rules it's about how much more shit can I really put my kids through. Plus, they are with their friends every day all day at school, I don't see what difference it is having one of them round for tea 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
CathTurnbull · 04/10/2020 16:45

Ok thanks all, maybe I’m being a bit harsh and fighting a losing battle, maybe I should just turn a blind eye to him going to her house. I really don’t fancy the idea of them having sex in the park!

OP posts:
Refractory · 04/10/2020 16:48

Both out of laziness and on principle I don't enforce this for my teenagers.

MynephewR · 04/10/2020 16:52

@JKRowlingIsMyQueen

Good for him
Agreed!
emptyshelvesagain · 04/10/2020 17:05

@CathTurnbull

They do go to the same school but the gf’s family are all co-vidiots so I don’t want him in her house

Then you need to work on why he doesn't respect you. This is such an awful thing to do.

WouldBeGood · 04/10/2020 17:13

Id just let them get on with it, tbh

cardibach · 04/10/2020 17:13

[quote StatisticalSense]@cardibach
I don't think you get it. There is a big difference between condoning those breaking the rules and acknowledging that it is impossible for parents to enforce them in many cases. While the OPs son shouldn't be doing what he is there is very little that she can actually do about it short of physically locking him in the house (which would be illegal and unless every window and door is locked with keys removed he'll probably find a way around in any case) or phoning the police (for which she'd end up paying any fine issued). You should be following the rules because that is the right thing to do and because it is the law and not breaking them simply because some parents are finding it impossible to get their teenagers to follow them.[/quote]
No, I don’t think you get it.
Teenagers are more than capable of following rules and guidelines, especially when there’s reason to. Yes, they may sometimes make mistakes, but that’s not a reason to tell people there’s nothing to be done about it and give up.

cardibach · 04/10/2020 17:15

@JKRowlingIsMyQueen

Good for him
Why? OP says Gfs family are high risk due to their behaviour. He may well be due to school. Mixing households isn’t something to cheer about.
OpheliasCrayon · 04/10/2020 17:55

I mean I couldn't really care less about kids and teens mixing. They mix at school so what is the difference at home?

However were talking about a 15 year old. They're not an adult and I would be more worried about the fact that you are not stopping your child defying your house rules ? He's a child living in your house so I would assume that he needs to follow the rules which you set.

dementedpixie · 04/10/2020 18:02

I'm letting my dd go to her boyfriend's house (and him to my house) because they have been a couple for about 2 years, they are quite antisocial so not hanging about with groups of others and they go to school together. Also its only 1 day at the weekend for a few hours.

beachdays123 · 04/10/2020 19:40

I read that it had been added into the guidance “You also do not need to socially distance from someone you’re in an established relationship with” so I think it’s fine

www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-covid-19-meeting-with-others-safely-social-distancing/coronavirus-covid-19-meeting-with-others-safely-social-distancing?priority-taxon=774cee22-d896-44c1-a611-e3109cce8eae

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