How are people coping, I’m really struggling.

ifyourehappy · 2020-10-04T12:05:38+00:00

I have birth 3 weeks before lockdown to my first baby. I was an absolute nervous wreck, we experienced some feeding / weight issues in the first couple of weeks and on top of that worry there was a pandemic to worry about!! During lockdown my mental health was really bad and I had CBT for anxiety. It helped massively and one lockdown was eased, I was able to start socialising and getting back to some kind of “normality”. However since the cases are rising I can feel myself becoming anxious again. I’ve stopped going out and my baby and I only leave the house for a short walk. We were going to two lovely baby classes every week, all set up to be 2m apart etc, but I’ve even become too frightened to go there now. A couple of my antenatal friends have suggested meeting for a walk or going to a zoo but I’ve declined as I’m really starting to feel so nervous about catching Covid. My antenatal friends are all still continuing with the baby classes, meeting for coffees indoors and I just don’t understand how they’re doing it. I’m petrified!! I’m 31, my BMI is 35 and I have mild asthma so I’m not low risk. I’m so worried that my mental health will become bad again. I’m such a social person and I really miss seeing people. Mr husband is doing a mixture of working from the office and at home, on a weekend I try to plan things for us to do outdoors but it never seems to happen as he’s always complaining he’s tried from working!! 😞 This situation with Covid could be ongoing for months, I don’t know how to learn to accept this risk and live my life!!

unchienandalusia · 04/10/2020 13:13

The risk of anything serious let alone death is minuscule. 8 out of ten people admitted to ICU (a v small proportion of those with Covid) are surviving. It was 5 in April.

Asthma is now known to not increase risk and you say yours is mild?

Do it gently and bearing in mind social distancing etc and get yourself out there. The Benefit to your mental health far outweighs the tiny risk.

Original poster

ifyourehappy · 04/10/2020 13:18

@unchienandalusia

I know that you’re right.
But then yesterday a friend told me that her work colleague had passed away with Covid, he was only 26!

Not trying to scare monger but it has really frightened me and just made me think about how serious is actually is. 😞

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frozendaisy · 04/10/2020 14:02

Talk to your husband. You need to get out a bit I am sure a weekend outing will do him the world of good and baby. Tell him what you have posted here.

In the week wrap up baby in buggy and get out for a long walk. Better if you can find a mum friend as well it is as safe an exercise as can be. But if not power walk for an hour with buggy. You will feel so much better try and set a weekly goal that you increase your distance by 5/10 minutes each session. Your fitness will improve, lung function etc. It might take some time to see results but usually you notice the difference in about 3 weeks. Then you are taking health matters into your own hands.

Order some books from library, and try and look at life in that autumn winter is going to be cold and miserable you have a baby to play with, read to and hang out with at home. Get a cup of tea and a book and chill, enjoy.

No one can say you all won't catch Covid-19 but your life at the moment seems very low risk so try and not worry. Do the safe activities that you can.

OpheliasCrayon · 04/10/2020 17:59

I feel like maybe you are suffering from some amount of post natal anxiety. I've had it and it is horrible and that wasn't when there was a pandemic. It's natural you want to protect your child and yourself as their mother.

For your own wellbeing as you say I think you need to be able to see people and do things because with a young baby it can be very isolating at the best of times.

I wonder if you would consider seeking help for your anxiety? Hormones really won't be helping and th fact you've had a baby in such unusual times won't be helping either. I personally don't worry in the slightest about covid but I have suffered from anxiety as I've said so I see why you are.

If you don't want to go to the GP you can self refer online to IAPT which is the NHS mental health service. As you say covid isn't going away and you've already identified your mental health being at risk so I would suggest that's the first step taken and the next is to try and get some help.

mylittleavalon · 04/10/2020 19:55

Can you be a bit more creative with what you do? Put baby in sling and go for a walk with friends. Nobody touches baby and can all socially distance, you are in charge of what you touch and can sanitise hands when you need. A ring sling would be good for baby the same age as yours. Can you get a disposable BBQ and find a spot to have a barbecue outside with baby and husband. Again if comfortable ask another household as long as under six to come? We did that today with a family and all socially distanced and my one year old loved it. If husband doesn't want to go just pack a flask and go yourself. It will do your mental health so much good to get out. Are there any places round your area where there are horses? Chickens? Sometimes when things got dire in lockdown I would drive to different spots take my baby out and show her horses, chickens, cows etc and do all the noises. Didn't see anyone but got us out the house. Blackberry picking even? Take care of yourself ❤️

Original poster

ifyourehappy · 04/10/2020 20:32

@OpheliasCrayon

I feel like maybe you are suffering from some amount of post natal anxiety. I've had it and it is horrible and that wasn't when there was a pandemic. It's natural you want to protect your child and yourself as their mother.

For your own wellbeing as you say I think you need to be able to see people and do things because with a young baby it can be very isolating at the best of times.

I wonder if you would consider seeking help for your anxiety? Hormones really won't be helping and th fact you've had a baby in such unusual times won't be helping either. I personally don't worry in the slightest about covid but I have suffered from anxiety as I've said so I see why you are.

If you don't want to go to the GP you can self refer online to IAPT which is the NHS mental health service. As you say covid isn't going away and you've already identified your mental health being at risk so I would suggest that's the first step taken and the next is to try and get some help.

@OpheliasCrayon

I was diagnosed with post natal anxiety and I had 20 weeks of CBT.

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Original poster

ifyourehappy · 04/10/2020 20:33

@mylittleavalon

Can you be a bit more creative with what you do? Put baby in sling and go for a walk with friends. Nobody touches baby and can all socially distance, you are in charge of what you touch and can sanitise hands when you need. A ring sling would be good for baby the same age as yours. Can you get a disposable BBQ and find a spot to have a barbecue outside with baby and husband. Again if comfortable ask another household as long as under six to come? We did that today with a family and all socially distanced and my one year old loved it. If husband doesn't want to go just pack a flask and go yourself. It will do your mental health so much good to get out. Are there any places round your area where there are horses? Chickens? Sometimes when things got dire in lockdown I would drive to different spots take my baby out and show her horses, chickens, cows etc and do all the noises. Didn't see anyone but got us out the house. Blackberry picking even? Take care of yourself ❤️

@mylittleavalon

These are great suggestions. Thank you.

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Namechanger20183110 · 04/10/2020 23:17

I can understand that your friend's colleague death may feel close to home. But please try and focus on the fact that 216 people have died in England aged between 20-39. Out of an approximate population in that age range of 17.5m people = 0.001%. I don't think your fear is rational, and if you find ways to get yourself back out there in a way where you feel safe, you will feel so much better for it.

Normandy144 · 04/10/2020 23:23

Stop watching the news. Delete pop ups from your phone and stop following news outlets on social media. It takes a few days to curate your social media but it can be done. I've been doing this for the last couple of weeks and feel so much lighter for it. I figure that if there is another lockdown someone will let me know but in the meantime I'm carrying on and trying not to let myself get consumed by it.

Nikki078 · 05/10/2020 07:30

Can you get re-referred for another course of CBT? I'd also suggest speaking with your GP or health visitor, there are medications you can take for anxiety even if breastfeeding. Take care.

mylittleavalon · 05/10/2020 13:43

Really glad they helped. Honestly you will feel better getting out of the house and if you are worried about transition just keep baby in a sling when around other people and then you are in control. And I'm a firm believer that just because it's autumn, winter doesn't mean you have to stay at home all day fleece lined puddle suits are my saviours living in Scotland and not able to do much indoors, no such things as bad weather just bad clothing!! Also picked up a small swing for little patch of garden and fill a cheap tent with sand as something different to do. You will get through this, keep going and keep asking for help you are a great mum and keep in contact with people even if you don't feel you can see them inside in person. There's always zoom, WhatsApp video call and the great outdoors

DianaT1969 · 05/10/2020 13:58

If I were you, I'd get out on your own for a speed walk around your nearest park early while your DH has the baby. Burn off that cortisol which causes anxiety with brisk exercise that leaves you breathless. Take control of getting your BMI down and as it comes down, it will help reduce anxiety and you'll feel more empowered, rather than a helpless target for Covid. I find 16:8 very good for both weightloss and evening out moods. Make sure you aren't deficient in any vitamins and minerals, particularly vitamin D as we go into winter.

LH1987 · 05/10/2020 14:43

No real advice from me, just to say you’re not alone. I had my baby in May and am terrified of getting Covid in case I won’t be able to take care of her. I’m going to try some of the helpful suggestions offered to you and try to get out more! Logically, the risk is very low, I know that.

Hope you feel better soon.

OpheliasCrayon · 05/10/2020 16:54

@ifyourehappy sorry that my suggestions weren't more helpful then if you've already been for cbt. Perhaps you could contact them again and see if there's anything else they could do. I suppose there may not be. I'm sorry :(

JKRowlingIsMyQueen · 05/10/2020 17:01

Please listen to the poster who told you to stop watching the news

Original poster

ifyourehappy · 05/10/2020 17:39

@JKRowlingIsMyQueen

Please listen to the poster who told you to stop watching the news

@JKRowlingIsMyQueen

I feel like I have to watch / read the news to keep up to date with the situation.😔

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