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Covid

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Original poster

Can you help me find a solution

21 replies

IamAporcupine · 29/09/2020 22:58

I am in the North East
I would need to travel to Spain to help my mum move.
DH starts work very early 3x a week, and the other 2 comes back late.
I am currently WFH, and doing school runs.
Have no family around

I am feeling like shit due to some bad news I got and can't think straight.
Is there anyway that I can make this work?
I mean travel, quarantine, and make sure DS goes to school without breaking the rules?!

OP posts:

LilyPond2 · 30/09/2020 00:10

Does your DH have any annual leave allowance he could take enable him to do the school run? Is he allowed to take his annual leave in half days? If your trip to Spain is for a family emergency, would your DH's employer allow him to take unpaid leave, and could you afford that?

Original poster

IamAporcupine · 30/09/2020 00:38

Thanks @LilyPond2
He is a university lecturer. All his modules are just starting. Taking leave now would not be good.

OP posts:

Nikki078 · 30/09/2020 06:32

Can you help your mum organize removal service without having to fly over? That would be my preferred option. Hope it all works out well!

Racoonworld · 30/09/2020 07:35

Get a school mum friend to take your kids to school? You will need to quarantine completely for two weeks and not even leave the house so unless you can get someone else to take your kids it won’t work. They are cracking down more on quarantine now, especially in Lockdown areas. Do you really need to help your mum move? Cant she get others to help in Spain?

Racoonworld · 30/09/2020 07:35

Although who will be taking your DS to school whilst you are away?

Original poster

IamAporcupine · 30/09/2020 10:34

@Racoonworld - yes, that would be a problem too, but I could try fly Fri-Mon for example and we might be OK.

OP posts:

Original poster

IamAporcupine · 30/09/2020 10:37

Now the very stupid thing about this rule is that the rest of the household does not have to quarantine!

So in theory I can come back full of COVID and infect everyone in the house but they can still roam free!

OP posts:

ifonly4 · 30/09/2020 10:41

The best thing to do is either you or your Mum organise a removal company to help her. No risk or worry then.

Original poster

IamAporcupine · 30/09/2020 10:41

@Racoonworld
@Nikki078

She is 89 so she does need more help than just the removal company. In any case, you will probably laugh at this...my brother lives 10 minutes from her.

He has asked me to go to 'help her and give her emotional support'

OP posts:

DownWhichOfLate · 30/09/2020 10:51

In which case get your brother to come over and do the school run whilst you do the emotional support!

RemyHadley · 30/09/2020 11:13

Tell your brother that he is a total loon, and there is no way you can do that.

You’d be exposing your elderly mum to increased risk of covid (you could be infected without knowing, you could catch it on the way).

Nikki078 · 30/09/2020 11:23

Why can't your brother help??

RandomMess · 30/09/2020 11:37

I think you tell your brother that due to Covid and ever tightening restrictions that you bloody can't!!!

Getting on a plane is one of the riskiest things for catching Covid and giving it to your Mum...

He does all the support that end and you give it this end???

caringcarer · 30/09/2020 16:17

Can't your Mum pay s removal company to move her? I would tell her you are very sorry but due to government restrictions on travel and quarenteen you can't help at current time.

Original poster

IamAporcupine · 30/09/2020 17:24

To those who asked -
My brother has decided that since he lives there and deals with all the day to day stuff, I am responsible for the 'big event', ie moves/surgeries/etc...

If we didn't have COVID/quarantine issues I would go anytime, but this a completely different situation

OP posts:

DespairingHomeowner · 30/09/2020 18:05

I understand that there can be tensions between siblings about who is shouldering more of the burden re caring for parents

I do agree however you would risk giving your mum Covid from the plane! I just wouldn’t no matter what your brother thinks, I hope you can talk your brother into seeing sense

In terms of ‘shouldering some of the burden’ : could you pay for some local help for your mum to pack/move (eg a cleaner if she has one, someone to clean her old home, extra packing services) - to show willing, make it easier on your brother(as it can’t be easy) : it would probably work out cheaper vs flying there

Original poster

IamAporcupine · 30/09/2020 18:44

@DespairingHomeowner

I could certainly do that, however my mum would still need someone to help her settle in her new home. My brother does not seem to be willing to do that. I helped her move twice already and both times my brother only popped by for 30min at 8pm. I am not exagerating.

OP posts:

DespairingHomeowner · 30/09/2020 18:52

@IamAporcupine: Why is that - is he busy with work, kids, just thoughtless?

How long does he need to stay, and to do what... unpack, organise the house...? Maybe he doesn’t see the point of being there , so ask him what needs doing so you can help from afar, and can you deliver a meal on 1st night to encourage him to hang about etc

minipie · 30/09/2020 18:58

Would regular phone calls help her settle in? Assuming someone else (brother/packing service) had done the heavy work.

Original poster

IamAporcupine · 30/09/2020 19:41

@DespairingHomeowner - he is retired and has grown up kids, so no, that's not the reason (I work FT and have an 8yo btw). I think he simply does not want to do it. He resents her (for other reason) and does not feel close to her.

@minie - I would do that any way.

I guess the type of thing I am talking about is, eg tea/coffee in the kitchen, clothes in the wardrobe, books on a shelf, a few pictures on the wall, etc so she is not just left there sorrounded by boxes...

OP posts:

Lemons1571 · 30/09/2020 19:46

Can you even get insurance to cover yourself while over there?

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