Support bubble stolen

[lockdownbrat]

I've name changed for this because I absolutely know I'm being an unreasonable brat.

I'm in Scotland so we aren't allowed to mix indoors at all now. I'm just back from a week away with DS and DH and have found my spot in my mums extended household has been stolen.

Mum lives alone and so is allowed an extended household. This was originally my sister when they were first introduced. Then we were allowed to mix more households and we all just socially distanced as there was less risk and we could all socialise anyway. Now that the restrictions have been ramped back up again we discussed who would form the extended household. It was decided by my sister and my mum that it would be me. I have a 10 month old DS, struggling with PND and anxiety. DH works very long hours and I spend most of my time alone with DS. I was delighted, it meant I could still go and see my mum at the weekends and I could even have a hug.

We were away for a week, I messaged my mum asking when I could pop round as I have a wee present for her and she said I couldn't. That my sister has been over at the weekend and so that would have to be her extended household now. I know I have absolutely no right, and the extended household is for her benefit not mine but I'm so disappointed. I can just see this indeterminate amount of time stretching out in front of me without seeing many people and I just don't know that I can do it.

Oh gosh, that’s tough. I would be disappointed too. Is your mum vulnerable? I would suggest (and going to be shot down here) that as you have PND you need a support group so if others are happy I would ask to join up with them.

Does sister live alone too? What's her situation? Can you meet outdoors?

Can you speak to your sister about this? You seem to need the support more (unless there is a backstory about your sister) so maybe she will be reasonable and let you have the bubble.

Looking at the guidelines, once you’ve formed an extended household, it doesn’t Iook like you can then form a new one. If you were already in an extended household with your mum, she can’t swap you for your sister.

Perhaps it’s best to suggest to her that she considers the meet with your sister as a one off, then resumes the original agreement with you.

Rainbow I suspect my family would be fine with this but her neighbours are not very nice and she would worry about repercussions. Mum isn't vulnerable or old.

My sister lives with her partner, both full time students.

I suspect this wasn't my sisters idea, more my mums and as it's her bubble there's not really much I can do other than be sad and just do my best to cling on to sanity.

Could they come to yours so her neighbour wouldn’t see?

Could you ask your mum to do some childcare for you and agree not to hug her. Informal childcare form grandparents is allowed inside in scotland. If your mum came to mind ds and give you a break, as long as you're not hugging her and maintain social distancing and good hygiene then you're good. I think.

meet her in Costa or somewhere we are allowed to do that or get her to come to yours i know its upsetting but you can work round it. its rubbish though hopefully it won't be for long

It's not been stolen, it's not your possession.your mother and sister are entitled to a say in it as well.

@mxjones I assume you have wilfully ignored where I said I know I'm being a brat and unreasonable?

Yes, we can meet in a public place but that costs money so we can't do it as often as just going to each other's houses.

She can and will look after DS here and there but I think the spirit of that would be instead of me not while I'm there too.

It really is shit 😒

Did you look at the guidelines? Your mum shouldn’t change her extended household. If you’re going with what the guidelines are, you should take that into account.

I understand because ive just turned back into a jealous teenager!. I live in a lockdown area so no mixing of families....my DM and DB live in a non lockdown place. Talking to my mum last week shes told me that she probably wont see me this Christmas and shes decided to only buy presents for my neice because its not worth buying for me. I know shes probably right about no mixing at christmas, but facebook is full of mum, brother and neice doing stuff and when I speak to DM she tells me all about what neice is upto and how shes changing so fast these days.... Im just sad, jealous and resentfull that im missing out.

Can you ask your mum or does she think she is giving you equal shots ? Maybe say to her your not meant to change support bubbles.