Relative has Coronavirus but his mental health is my main concern

[JustThinkingAboutThis]

A close relative is currently in hospital with Coronavirus and Bronchitis. Initially it sounded really bad because he has a couple of other health conditions, is overweight and in his late 50’s so we were all thinking the worst. Especially as he started crying on the phone and saying he was told he might not make it out of there. Then in the next sentence he was saying that he wouldn’t be able to work until after Christmas most likely. I was left thinking well which is it then? He said he doesn’t feel ill it’s just his breathing that worsens when he exerts himself. He was chatting away, granted he has a very sore and croaky throat but other than that he is lucid, very responsive and dragging up all sorts from the past and won’t listen to reason and won’t let the conversation be steered back to his immediate health problems. This is his bog standard normal behaviour. He has been on oxygen and been given tons of medications which thankfully seem to be working. I am extremely glad to hear this BTW.
It just doesn’t seem to add up, he is prone to exaggeration and sees things in black and white only, his way or the highway.

He told me that he had been feeling breathless and stayed mostly in bed for 5 days leading up to his hospitalisation. During this time he saw fit to go out with 2 friends (one had tested positive for CV) but he says they socially distanced and also went to a cafe for breakfast. I just hope he didn’t infect anybody else due to his carelessness. During the whole of the full on lockdown he didn’t follow any of the rules and visited his friends daily.

Myself and others have felt for some time that he has a mental health condition but he won’t seek any kind of help for this. Basically everybody else has the problems and not him. He has fallen out with so many family members, friends and work colleagues. When this happens he just seems to find the next ‘project’ to lavish his time and money on. Unsurprisingly there are plenty of people out there who will willingly be his friend because he is so generous. They just have to be prepared to hear his life story on a daily basis and accept his views and beliefs which is a small price to pay when he funds their shopping, meals out, holidays, etc, etc.
I don’t know what I’m asking really I just don’t know what I can do for him. I contact him every day to check how he is doing but have to keep it short because otherwise he starts dredging up all sorts from the past which I just won’t listen to, it’s all stuff that I don’t think is true because I know the other sides to the stories.
I did wonder about phoning the hospital and asking if they can refer him for some mental health support because he would be in the perfect place for this to happen. I know he would be on a waiting list with everybody else but I can’t see how else this could be suggested otherwise.

He is such a complex character and stubborn as an ox, I think his sheer willpower will get him through this which I am thankful for. But what I would hope for is for him to take this as a second chance at life and get the mental health support he so badly needs. I love him as do many other relatives and we want him to get well both physically and mentally.

Well done if you have reached the end of this I’m sorry it was so long. Thank you for reading.

It does sound like this gives you an opportunity. It sounds like a good idea to mention to the ward staff that you have concerns for his mental health and see if they can refer him for support. Good luck

@catsarecute - Thank you, I think I will call them tomorrow, I just hope I’m not doing the wrong thing. But I kind of feel I have nothing to lose now. If it’s not now I can’t see how else I could try and get him some support.

Its unlikely in an acute admission for corona that a referral would be made while he was an in patient.
Asking if he could speak to someone in pastoral care maybe more appropriate.

A gp could refer to the community health team once he is discharged. The waiting list is high.

On a different note if he plus his friend have Corona id really doubt they socially distsnced correctly. Did they call the cafe out of courtesy to let them know?

During this time he saw fit to go out with 2 friends (one had tested positive for CV) but he says they socially distanced and also went to a cafe for breakfast.

I hope he is okay, but this is why i've stayed in since March. People can't be trusted.

I’m pretty sure he didn’t call the cafe and suggesting this to him would get me nowhere, like I said it’s his way or the highway.
Annabel85 - I can understand your reasoning for staying at home. There are always some people who will break the rules and put others at risk.

Is it possible that he's just a really unpleasant person? What mental health support do you think he needs?

ChaChaCha2012 - Because I knew the person he once was I don’t think he’s simply a ‘really unpleasant person’. I have seen the decline in his mental health. In my view he needs more than counselling, he needs to speak to a psychologist or psychiatrist as I’m concerned he would manage to just vent and rant about all his views and issues without any context. Painting himself as the victim. He likes people’s sympathy more than anything and when they agree with his view he has been wronged. He is currently telling all the nurses and doctors about his ‘problems’, I think he’s using them all as a captive audience.

I would ring the hospital and explain your worries. They may be able to get his mental heath assessed whilst he is in hospital quicker than if he was referred when he gets out. Is he in contact with other family members, or is it just you. Putting the mental health issues aside, I would find it reassuring to find out how his medical condition is actually doing.

That’s what I’m hoping that he can have some kind of mental health assessment whilst he is there.
He has limited contact with other family members, they care about him but not to the extent where they would get involved. They are relying on me to keep in contact and give updates.
When I call I’m hoping they can confirm he is stable which I think he is, they probably won’t be able to tell me any more than that without his consent and I understand that.