Christmas and Covid- WWYD

[Alakazam8]

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this wasn’t sure where it would fit!

So usually would go to stay with family about an hour and a half away, as just me and dd (11) at home. Would stay with my mum who has been shielding due to age & health and although she could form a bubble with us is saying she is not happy to do that as dd could pick Covid up at school etc.

She is quite anxious about Covid for obvious reasons and I don’t agree with her decision but accept it.
I don’t drive so can’t just drive over to see everyone and couldn’t stay with my brother or sister, no room!
The usual things we do here in the run up won’t be happening so that will be different too.

I’m worried that Christmas for DD will not be a good one as we risk not really being able to see/spend time with anyone. I don’t know what I could do to improve the situation really.
Would welcome any ideas for how to make things better when it will all be so different from the christmases dd is used to.

What do you do? Could you isolate at home with DD for a while so your mum feels safe if you visit? As it sounds as though visiting her would be legal (support bubble).

Could you self isolate for 2 weeks pre-Christmas, before visiting your mum?

We're just massively lowering expectations here. No family visits. No organised outdoor activities. A very quiet Christmas at home.

I think we all have to accept that Xmas is going to be crap.
If you absolutely have to see your mum then I’d take her out of school and isolate for 14 days, if that would be acceptable to mum.
But your DD would be missing things in school for Xmas which might be more exciting than your mum !
I would ask your DD what she wants to do.

It's a shame that Christmas will be 'different' for the vast majority this year.

However, the people for whom it's going to be hardest are the ones who have lost loved ones this year (to Covid or anything else).

Your DD is 11, old enough to understand why your Mum doesn't want to risk getting it.

Why on Earth do you 'disagree' with your Mum protecting herself? Forming a bubble with you (an hour & a half away) means she can't fit a bubble with people that live closer to her, so thsts not the best option for her AND it's not going to stop her getting it - it's not a magic force field.

You can have a lovely Christmas with DD if you put your mind to it. Spend time together in the run up making & baking. Plan what you two would like to eat for Christmas Dinner. Go through the radio times (when it comes out) and pick out the films you want to see. Buy a new game you'll both enjoy.

'No room' at your siblings is rubbish. When I was a kid we used to have aunts, uncles,cousins staying, always at least 13 of us in a 3 bed semi with 1 bathroom. (grandparents used to sensibly stay home & come over in the morning!). I'm sure your siblings have enough floor space for an air bed - but maybe they're being sensible & sticking to just their immediate family too.

I'm going to be spending Christmas on my own this year, so I'm not coming from a position of family smugness. But as long as all my loved ones are well, I'm fine with that.

Why will it be rubbish just because you can’t see your mum?

We got some good ideas off another thread in here about things to do over the winter if we end up isolating/lockdown etc. We have bought a fire pit for the garden and new jigsaws etc.

Just make it a more simple one, the 2 of you together. Your DD might enjoy that more to stay at home this year then trekking to your mums.

Perhaps I should have included more info in op- I was trying not to put in too much detail. I was just looking for ways to improve my situation at Christmas, not ignoring the fact that Christmas this year will be different for everyone. My father and a close family friend have died this year due to Covid.
I disagree with my mum’s decision because she isn’t in a bubble with anyone and didn’t want her to be on her own either. It’s not just my mum but my whole extended family and friends who are there and dd and I risk not. Seeing anyone and not sure about places we could go. There are other reasons why I can’t stay with siblings but will be too identifying.
Ideas like a fire pit and things to do at home are helpful so thanks.
I’m just having a hard time thinking of things to make Christmas ok for dd who has Asd and wouldn’t understand but finding it hard an upsetting to think about it.
Sorry for not giving more info in first post didn’t expect this reaction.

In your position I think I'd sit down with your daughter and explain this year things will need to change - and then turn it over to her, so she can list top 5 films for the day, top 5 foods of the day, top 5 games etc. Plan things that feel like indulgences for both of you. (And then save up 😬). And get her involved with any cooking.

I have a child with ASD and I'm going to have to break it to her that things will be a bit different this year, it's hard.

I'm not going to criticise your mum for being careful given that she's lost her husband this year.

I'd recommend coming up with some nice things you and your DD can do together - baking, Christmas films, Christmas crafts (could send them as gifts to those you won't see this year), walk around local area to see people's decorations. Christmas is going to be different but it doesn't have to be rubbish. You might come up with some things you like so much that you do them every year.

You might be able to involve your mum from a distance depending on how good she is with technology - I did a bake along with friends over zoom, we all bought the same ingredients and then followed the recipe together whilst chatting. If that is a bit advanced you could put your mum on speaker phone and chat whilst you do a craft or something.

Can you afford to stay in an air b&b nearby and see your other family?

It's so hard for everyone. I understand you're Mum's stance about DD having being at school.

Do you have a local friend with a small family you could invite around over xmas/suggest walks? If not, prepare DD now and make some plans. You can eat exactly what you want and when this year. Would DD enjoy a new game/something else you can both do? Maybe one day you can go out for lunch.

I don’t think Christmas needs to be crap this year. Yes it will be different but I would sit down with your DD and make a plan of lovely things to do. Involve her in what you can have for Christmas dinner, hunker down with nice snacks and films and have a lovely chilled out day.
We are planning to see our family in smaller groups throughout the festive period to celebrate with them. Obviously not in the traditional way but with nice walks, sitting outside with the fire pit and blanket & marshmallows. It’s not just about one day. Hope you have a lovely time whatever you do.

It's going to be a special time as it's different and a great opportunity for quality time together. Chat through ideas with her. We had a murder mystery on Christmas eve and all got dressed up, or had a board game night. Love the idea of fire pit, need marshmallows!!

As Christmas is 3 months away, what I would do is forget it until the week before. We've got the whole of autumn to get through first.

Who knows what the situation will be in three months time 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hi OP

I am in a very similar position to you - don’t drive, mum far away and doesn’t want to risk seeing us, DF died last year. Also a single parent but with two DC, 5 and 8 and the eldest has some SEN. It’s really hard on many levels - actually not just for the DC but being an adult on my own.

I think maybe the main thing is to try and let go of your feelings about your mums position if you can. I know that was eating me up a bit and wasn’t helping me look forwards. Apologies might not be the case for you! I also have already had a chat with the DC and can see some of my worries about them are actually my worries.

Then I’ve started trying to buy a few things now - so I’ve got some extra lights, a lovely new big decoration, some very cheesy lights for the garden ( I know this costs but it helps spreading the cost now). Have thought if things do on Xmas eve - so think I will get a marshmallow toasting kit, some baking stuff etc. Also a Swedish fire log ( cheaper than a fire pit). I’ve also thought of doing Xmas day as ‘eat what you like’ so we will have party food, kids can have what they want for breakfast ( think I’m going to do an ice cream hamper for Boxing Day morning!). Your DD might be a bit old but my DS did a music advent last year - so everyone wrote songs we liked, we picked one each day and played it at breakfast.

I’m lucky that I do have some friends who I will probably meet for a walk and a chat on Boxing Day.

Anyway I hope you manage to have an OK time and your DD can enjoy it. Hopefully with lots of chats with her the change will be manageable.

I'm looking forward to this year just me and ds (6) on xmas day...first time ever he's not been ferried about to open mountains of presents just so others can watch his reaction!
This year he can really appreciate what Santa brought him and play at home.
OP I can see your side, but it's only one day. Public transport runs xmas eve and boxing day , I know this year is going to be more restricted but you can wait til nearer the time and make sure you go visiting people or places either side of xmas day.
Enjoy the day just the 2 of you , she will be a teenager in a couple of years!

Like pp I'm doing a bit of a buffet for us so that we can pick at what we want all day and no massive big lunch, hard work and washing up!
However, at 11 maybe your dd would like you to cook something together? Doesnt have to be Turkey!
I'm thinking sod it , it's all different this year , embrace the changes. I'm seeing it as being set free from doing what everyone else wants

Oh I think you can make it just as magical with just the two of you!
Pick what you want for Christmas lunch

Go see some Christmas movies at the cinema

A visit Father Christmas

A Christmas walk on Christmas Eve to spot Father Christmas in the sky and look at all the lights.

Blackpool illuminations are on over Christmas this year, why not have fish and chips in the car why you drive through, I bet it would be lovely all cold and dark.

Decorate the whole house, old fashioned paper chains up the stairs etc, to make you own winter wonderland

It’s really easy to be negative about Christmas this year but I think a change is good as a rest. Plan lots of Christmas activities throughout December, have a quiet but comfortable Christmas Day, let you daughter pick the starter you don’t need to have a roast have what the two of you want. It will be special if you make it so.

Thanks there are some great ideas there and will start making a list. I’ll look into involving my mum online/through zoom. I think a cook along would be good.
Will try to focus more on what we can do!

We’re having a very low key Christmas, even if restrictions are released I don’t see having a big family gathering as terribly sensible in depths of winter. It’s a shame but it’s just one day. I don’t think the children will mind so long as there are lights and toys and chocolates and I think they’ll be excited to choose an entirely different Christmas meal menu. Thinking of planning a wider family event for summer instead to look forward to - maybe we’ll call it an Australian summer bbq Christmas!

It can be lovely just the two of you. Not everyone has a massive family Christmas but it doesn’t make it crap!

Will your mum really be on her own or can she go to a sibling or friend? How old is she? Could someone just pop her round a Christmas dinner?

Sounds like she prefers to shield from you and I don’t really blame her, Schools are germ pits. Also sounds like you would be visiting lots of households so again not ideal for your mum if vulnerable.

Back to Christmas for two, DS and I will have party/buffet food and a film xmas eve. Xmas day his dad will call round for an hour but then it will just be the two of us again. We have cooked breakfast, late lunch and party/buffet food tea. We chill, watch Xmas tv, play board games. He will want to talk to his friends later and play any new computer or xbox games. You could add in crafts (we always used to bake and make xmas decorations on xmas eve when DS was smaller), jugsaws. I like someone’s firepit idea. You could talk/skype relatives and friends. Go for a walk. Manage DDs expectations, make a plan together. Tell her it will be fun (it will).

Hi op we are in a similar position my list so far is:
Lots of garden lights
Patio heater/fire pit ( although terrace house so worry about the space and smoke for fire pit.
Books/audible
Movie nights
Lots of big throws
Planning on trying to get another sofa so space for us all.
Fairy lights for decorations
Baking
Paint by numbers ( the adult lion ones)
A Forrest with light display type of thing
Nice food that dc’s like

Op how old is your dd?

Ok she's 11.
Strange age.

Be light hearted. Line up some different stuff to do.. Buy wigs 😂😂.. Dress up... Get really good music lined up again different stuff... Maybe have music project?
The classic artists.. Play 5 songs from each who does she like... Whilst playing board games?.
Do you, she like boardgames?

Is there any entertainment you could buy, save for the festive season that would give you both a boost eg, do you have Netflix? Maybe buy that or Disney, or now tv...

Give yourselves a challenge... Make Xmas cake or yule log!

* I think we all have to accept that Xmas is going to be crap.*

Speak for yourself! Won’t be here, that’s for sure