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Visiting my parents

8 replies

Mumski45 · 22/09/2020 14:29

My Dad has dementia and my Mum is his carer. They live round the corner from me but I have hardly seen them in six months although I do keep in touch. I have been following the rules quite carefully as DH has underlying conditions which mean he may be quite ill if he gets Covid although he is currently quite fit and well but very anxious about the virus.
My Mum is struggling mentally and emotionally and needs more support than just a phone call. She is worried about what would happen to Dad if she gets ill although I have assured her we would find a way to take good care of him. She also misses having company and says that Dad likes having people come round even though he doesn't say much. He is deteriorating quite quickly at the moment and she thinks this is partly lack of stimulation. They get out of the house now and again but Dad can't walk far and Mum struggles managing his wheelchair.
My question is would it be unreasonable for me to visit them both now and again under the exemption of 'caring for a vulnerable person' providing I follow social distancing rules.

OP posts:
cathyandclare · 22/09/2020 14:30

I think this counts as caring duties, friends in similar positions have been visiting throughout. It will help your mum and dad.

Itsabeautifuldayheyhey · 22/09/2020 16:09

Do you live in an area where households are not allowed to mix OP? If that is the case then, unfortunately, as he is already being cared for as a vulnerable person by his carer, your mum, then you cannot also fulfill that role.

If you are in England you can go around there anyway as long as there are not more than 6 people present from up to 6 different households.

movingonup20 · 22/09/2020 16:21

Unless you are in a local lockdown area it's allowed as long as there's under 6 people. In local lockdown areas you can visit to provide care eg respite for your mum. The issue really is one of balancing risk, but if none of you are going out socialising anyway the risk is low.

DinosaurOfFire · 22/09/2020 16:23

Pretty sure this counts as caring duties. You are not just caring for your Dad in this situation but caring for your mum and providing her with some much needed respite from her full time care role.

Mumski45 · 22/09/2020 16:26

Sorry for accidental drip feed, yes we are in a local lockdown area and I was thinking of my Mum as the one who needs respite/care as yes my Dad is taken care of but it is tough on her. He is on the list for a social services assessment but I don't hold out much hope of this happening soon.

OP posts:
Littleposh · 22/09/2020 16:27

Your mom needs some respite, I think it's completely understandable, local restrictions or not

RMarieClaire · 22/09/2020 17:09

I would do it @Mumski45 - the rules aren't very nuanced and you're clearly doing what you can to follow them. Your parents need your support, and even if it's not 100% sanctioned you shouldn't feel any guilt giving it. Just be careful, where a mask, wash your hands - as I'm sure you would do anyway.

I'm sorry you're going through this it must be very hard.

Mumski45 · 23/09/2020 06:43

Thank you all for your comments. I am going to go and see her more often as I do think she needs the mental support. I will extremely careful when there and follow all the precautions. I just hope that we can get a vaccine as soon as possible and drag ourselves out of this hole.

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