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Original poster

Baby's first year

21 replies

Jay2020 · 21/09/2020 12:50

I am just so unbelievably sad for my little family today. I know that people have lost loved ones, and are grateful for those working in our NHS,but I'm still sad for me and my baby right now.
I gave birth to my first baby in April. I had fear that my husband may not be able to be there for the birth in the run up. I was scared and alone in the hospital for most of the first week. We have (unlike the rest of the population it seems like) followed guidance on social distancing and barely anyone except us has held our baby. I was hoping for a lovely first Christmas. I just can't see a way forward. This is my first and probably only baby's first year of life ) probably the only grandchild on both sides),and it all feels too much to bare.
Is there any light at the end of this tunnel?

OP posts:
Autumnsthemostwonderfultime · 21/09/2020 13:12

I have every sympathy with you, but please don't come out with lines such as "you've followed rules unlike the rest of the population".

What a cheek.

We've followed all the rules too. We've all lost things and missed out. I've got children who missed out, and continue to miss out, on all kinds of things that were very important to them. One of my children felt suicidal during lockdown.

I could say to you at least your baby won't know or care.

It's shit, we all want out of this damn situation.

Nymeriastark1 · 21/09/2020 13:16

"We have (unlike the rest of the population it seems like) followed guidance on social distancing" Hmm Okay then.

Original poster
Jay2020 · 21/09/2020 13:18

It just hurts so much when I've seen tiny babies being passed round groups of friends, and we've been so careful. It just feels like we've been stabbed in the back

OP posts:
HeeeeyDuggee · 21/09/2020 13:21

It’s tough. I had my 3rd in November so we’ve spent all her first year pretty much under covid but you can still have a lovely first Christmas and other big milestone events.
I live in an area with rubbish baby group provisions so never done them really for any of mine and it’s not caused any lasting damage to my boys.
I’m sorry your struggling, the first year after having a baby is hard mentally even without a pandemic but do try to think of the positives. You can still experience lovely things and your baby has you close by which is the most important bit

Original poster
Jay2020 · 21/09/2020 13:22

My moan is on here precisely because it seems the members of this forum have been as careful as they can too,so may understand my frustrations today.

OP posts:
loobyloo1234 · 21/09/2020 13:23

We have (unlike the rest of the population it seems like) followed guidance

Hate to break it to you OP, most of us have actually. The figure was something like 85% compliant with the restrictions at least to start with

Sorry for your predicament but blame this shit Government for how theyve handled this, not other people (who mostly comply as I said)

Original poster
Jay2020 · 21/09/2020 13:25

Ugh I'm sorry I worded it that way. I guess I'm just feeling really lonely right now. I'm crying, baby's crying,and all I want is a hug for myle and baby from my mum and sister.

OP posts:
loobyloo1234 · 21/09/2020 13:29

Sorry OP - sick of people blaming the ones that are sticking to the guidelines though

Just out of interest, you can see your family still unless you're in an area of special measures?

Original poster
Jay2020 · 21/09/2020 13:30

Thank you, I know it's not forever. I know it's shit for everyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jay2020 · 21/09/2020 13:31

Yep, in a local lockdown area too

OP posts:
LH1987 · 21/09/2020 13:31

I know how you feel, I had my baby in May and my parents and family do not live in the UK so I haven’t been able to see them. Luckily my MIL, who is great has managed to visit a few times (as soon as that was allowed).

It’s totally understandable to feel down about it all, particularly when you are really tired!

There will be a vaccine at some point and then it will be better. Just look at the positives, that you have your health and a lovely baby. You are not alone in feeling sad about this, trust me!

Mintjulia · 21/09/2020 13:33

OP, I do sympathise but perhaps see it as extra time your DH has spent with his baby. Try to see some good bits of lockdown.

I'm a single mum. Without a partner or parents, me and ds have been on our own basically since March 15th. I've kept to the rules religiously because if I get ill, who will look after ds? And now I've been made redundant. Not great !

But..... I've had a chance to be a SAHM for 6 months, to spend loads of time with ds. The roads have been quiet so we've been able to cycle safely together. I've been able to home cook for us, we have time to play together. For those things I am grateful and I'm making the most of them until I get a new job.

mediumperiperi · 21/09/2020 13:37

Sending you a socially distanced hug x

It's not what you wanted life with your child to be like but I would be taking comfort in the fact that he won't remember this and he'll be able to celebrate Christmas normally by the time that he's the age where he'll want to get involved too.

The people allowing others to hold their babies aren't traitors. They have assessed their baby and family's risk differently to you and you don't know their circumstances.

loobyloo1234 · 21/09/2020 13:37

Yep, in a local lockdown area too

Its really tough I know Flowers Does your DM work? If not, could you both do a 14 day isolation at home to then see each other to minimise your risks?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/09/2020 13:38

There are a lot of positives as babies/toddlers don’t need much bar their carers and will have no memories of this period.

Autumnsthemostwonderfultime · 21/09/2020 13:40

Sorry op Thanks just a lot of us have stuck to rules and guidelines.

Are you on maternity leave still? We will all get out of this somehow. It won't always be like this.

All your baby need is you, they won't be bothered about cuddles off everyone else. I know that doesn't help how you're feeling, but there will be better times ahead to look forward to.

You're not alone.

Don't let yourself get into a situation where you're feeling very depressed. Yes we have to follow rules and guidelines, but use your common sense too.

bloodywhitecat · 21/09/2020 13:48

'My' baby gets handed around. You see, my baby isn't mine. I am fostering him, every so often I take him to a local park where I meet with a contact supervisor who takes him from me to meet his siblings and grandparents. I guess to random strangers it looks like we are breaking lockdown but we're not. I have also moved a child onto adoption during lockdown, again I would meet the adopters at an open place and hand over my toddler to them for the day then she would come back to me that evening. In our home it has been made all the harder as we have also been going through a very serious illness with DP (most likely cancer). I am sure I walk away from these meetings with people muttering about me and the risks I am putting society at but am I? I don't think I am.

Original poster
Jay2020 · 21/09/2020 13:50

Thank you for the work you do,and this perspective Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Jay2020 · 21/09/2020 13:52

And thanks all for the understanding over my emotional and poorly worded original post. I'm grateful for your empathy x

OP posts:
Flowerpot868 · 21/09/2020 13:57

It's OK to feel sad for what could (should?) have been. I have two children. My first baby I loved mat leave - going to all the groups, socialising with other mums and babies etc. This mat leave has been so different and I feel so sad that we missed out on the music groups, library groups etc that she would be really starting to love now. No, I'm not the worst affected. Yes, I'm gratefully for what I have. And yes, I'm sad about what we have missed out on.

bloodywhitecat · 21/09/2020 14:05

@Jay2020

Thank you for the work you do,and this perspective Flowers
I do understand your feelings. When I was moving my toddler on it was during full lockdown and there were times when I went to the adopters house or they came to mine. I can remember feeling really angry that the government were keen for us to do that but I couldn't go and see my adult daughter who was shielding, I was really concerned about her mental health and wanted nothing more than to hug her but I couldn't. As they always say; this too shall pass. And when it does those least affected will be the babies Flowers
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